Doing photography for a friend is a little nerve wracking - especially since I'm a little rusty. But, he's assured me that he just wants some pictures of his big day - and also wants me to have a good time. Well, Hubby and I both to have a good time. And, being that I've been stuck in a house with 6 children for the past two weeks... it will be good for my soul.
Weddings have never really had much affect on me. I like going, but I'm not one of these women that goes to a wedding and start dreaming that I was walking down the aisle. I've never been married, and it's never really appealed to me. Hubby and I basically live like we're married. We have our house, we have children...all that's missing is my having the same last name as him.
But, for some reason, I think today may be different.
You see, Hubby and I have been engaged for years. The plan of marriage has been there - but I had certain things I wanted to accomplish before I took the giant leap into matrimony. Like, getting through college. Do you know how hard it is for a married person to get financial assistance to go to school? Damn near impossible. I knew if I wasn't married, I'd get some help - and I did. A lot of help. I only have $22,000 in student loans compared to the $60,00+ I would have had I been married. And still having $22,000 in student loans chaps my behind a little - but compared to what it could have been..I guess I should be grateful.
Once I was finished with school, I then wanted to find a teaching job. I wanted to be able to contribute equally to a marriage. While I have most definitely financially contributed to the relationship Hubby and I have - I still wanted the dream of fulfilling my career goals before getting married. And now? Well, I finally have the job I've been wanting.
So, what do I have now that's standing in the way of me finally biting the bullet and saying "I do"? Nothing. Nada. I'm finally at the point where there are no more
I know this probably all sounds weird to a lot of people. I mean, usually it's every girls dream to want to get married. It's not like I come from a broken home or a past of divorce or the like. My parents are both still happily married. Maybe it was some of the broken relationships I've had...which turned me off of wanting to make a final commitment. But, after 7 happy years together...I feel like marriage won't change anything between Hubby and I. I've accomplished the things I wanted to accomplish. So, am I now ready to take the plunge?
I think that today will have an impact on that question.
Seeing the beautiful bride all dressed up. Seeing the flower girls and bridesmaids and groomsmen. Will I suddenly start getting that urge, that feeling that I want to be that woman? I guess we'll have to see.
I guess there is something else that will have to come before I agree to jump in to a wedding dress and walk down any aisle. That would be losing all of this weight. Someone will be there to take pictures of my big day - and I don't want to look back at my wedding photos and think how horrible and fat I look in my dress. I don't want bridesmaids that will look 100 times better than I do. I want my Husband to be able to carry me over the threshold without pulling a muscle in his back!
So, I go off to this wedding today with the intent that it will filll me with the wedding fuzzies...and maybe, just maybe I'll start thinking about making some wedding plans. Which, will of course, include major wedding day weight loss.
There's hope for me yet.
Till next time. ;)