Idiocracy At It's Finest

Back on Tuesday, wrapped up in my Truthful Tuesday fashion, I let it out that I'm pretty ticked off with my mom right now.  The reason I was ticked off was because she hung up on me.  And the reason she hung up on me was because of a fishing pole.  A toddler's fishing pole.

Not an expensive fishing pole.  Not something that was worthy of an argument.  Not something that, in my mind, had any significance or importance WHAT SO EVER.  A stupid fishing pole.  And it really got to me. 

I haven't spoken to her since that day.  Mainly because I've been waiting for an apology.  I had people in my classroom when I was speaking with my mother on the phone, and I asked them if it sounded like I was yelling at her.  They said it just sounded like I was trying to explain something - and was having a hard time getting a word in.  If that's a nice way of saying I was getting a little loud - then fine.  But, I was trying to get a word in, and I don't think I came anywhere near being belligerent enough to be hung up on. 

If the situation had been reversed, I know full well that my mother would have been fuming.  She has expressed to me many, MANY times how annoyed and upset she gets if someone she cares about hangs up on her.

So, yeah, I think I deserve an apology for the way the whole thing went down.  It was stupid.  And, had I received an apology, I would have also apologized for possibly increasing my voice to a level she considered to be shouting.

I thought I was going to get that opportunity, yesterday, and let it all just wash under the rug.

My brother wanted Butter to go spend the weekend with him. OK.  That's fine.  And I found out my mom was going to come and pick him up.  Great.  Maybe that would give us a chance to talk it all out and let it all go.

But, alas, that didn't happen.  Instead, my mom and brother showed up, stood outside the house, and sent Butter in telling me that my mother was demanding to see the fishing pole.  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?

How about "I'm sorry, Joanna, for the way everything happened the other day, but I still think you might have the wrong fishing pole so would it be OK to take a look just to make sure?"  In which my response would have been "I'm sorry too, Mom, of course you can look at the fishing pole".

It wouldn't have mattered that the fishing poles are almost identical, my niece hardly ever goes fishing, or that it was such a big deal for my mom to make sure that she had the correct fishing pole that she bought for her granddaughter.  The other granddaughter.  Jelly is her granddaughter too - in case you forgot.

But, no, she kept herself outside watching as I went to get the fishing pole.  As my brother showed me that the fishing pole he had has the gold hook on it that I had said was on Jelly's.  And as I realized that there was about an inch or two difference in the length - and yes, I apparently had the wrong fishing pole... as again, if it really matters since my niece doesn't really fish anyways.  But, whatever.  I shoved the correct fishing pole at my brother, threw the one he had into the shop, and marched my happy butt back in to the house.

At the same time, my brother was yelling not very nice things at me because of the way I was acting about the whole thing.  My mother didn't say a freakin' word.

How pathetic.  Juvenile.  Infuriating.

So, needless to say, I'm still not talking to my mother...and I have a feeling it will be a while before this all gets worked out.

It makes me mad that we are fighting over something so stupid as this.. but it is a lot more in my mind.  A situation like this reminds me that now my mother is adopting my niece - oh, I should mention she is adopting my niece - that Jelly gets pushed to the wayside a little.  She hardly ever gets to go and spend time at my mom's.  And even though I don't think Jelly has really picked up on it - thankfully - I know that my niece and nephew are the favorite younger grandchildren, because they belong to my parent's now.

Not only that, but for years and years I have buckled down to my mother - regardless if I agreed on something or not - because I didn't want to upset her, make her mad, end up in a situation like I'm in now.  Several situations have left me feeling very angry - but I don't ever let my mom know, because I don't want to hurt her feelings.  Well, what about my feelings?

This is a stupid argument, but it's also a platform that I can finally take my independence and stop bowing down just because I might upset the apple cart.  I'm tired of everything always being so one sided.  I'm tired of acting like a child.  I'm tired of being treated like one.

When my mom needs someone to vent to because she's unhappy about something... guess who's ALWAYS there for her?  Yep.  Me.

But when the role is reversed?  Yeah, not so much.

She has the fishing pole she wanted, now.  I hope it was worth it.  Because the way this situation was handled has really upset me - and I know I won't be cracking under the pressure of upsetting her anymore.  I finally found my voice - and I intend to keep it.