Monday, October 29, 2012

Just Going Back to Normal

I did not want to get out of bed this morning.  Not because I don't want to go to work, but because I was actually sleeping really well - and I always hate being woken up when I'm actually sleeping well.  Which is usually the way it goes.  I mean, who hates being woken up when they're not sleeping?  That's not even possible.  Wait.  What the heck am I talking about?  Oh, yes, didn't want to get out of bed.  Which has absolutely nothing to do with what I want to talk about today.

So, things are apparently just fine between my mom and I now.  Since receiving a call from her last weekend to ask me about her air conditioning, I've been left in this weird place not knowing what was going on between us.  She spoke to me like everything was OK on the phone, and I spoke to her in the same way.  But, I was left with this niggling feeling about what happened next.

I got that on Friday.  I know, I should have probably mentioned that earlier - but then I wouldn't be able to spring it on you right now.  On Friday, she met me at the dentist office so that she could pick up Peanut to go and spend the weekend with her.  When my mom got there, she came in and waited with me and we chatted like we always do.  Like nothing was going on.  There was no weirdness or atmosphere.  We even went and all ate lunch together after.  It was nice.

Then, yesterday, I went out to their house to pick up Peanut.  It was the first time I'd been out there since our camping trip at the beginning of September.  Again, no atmosphere.  Just everything back to normal.

Now, I will admit, I'm not usually one that likes to let an argument just bury it's self.  I believe in talking it out - getting to the root of the problem so that issues can be resolved.  But, I also know that my relationship with my mother is important.  When all honesty comes out - I've missed her like crazy.  And being that was the first time I haven't spoken to my mother in a decade... I guess I can let it slide.

What I do know, moving forward, is that I will be different from this whole ordeal.  I have never been one to really stand up to my mom when I believe something to not be fair.. but I believe that will be different now.  I still believe that since my mother took on the responsibility for my niece and nephew - and then became a foster parent - that my kids get a little bit of the tough end of the stick.  More Jelly than any of them.  That's simply because Peanut and Butter can go over there and stay whenever they want - because they are old enough to take care of themselves.  Jelly suffers because there are so many little kids in the house, now, that my mom doesn't want the burden of having another little one over there very often to stay. 

While it's always been important to my mom to not have grandchildren favorites - that's a little hard to do when two of her grandchildren live with her permanently.  Because my sister couldn't take care of her responsibilities, they become my mom's responsibilities... and my child has to suffer for it.   It's not fair.  But I just have to suck it up and move on.  I just have to accept it.

And at the end of the day, if Jelly is OK with it - then so am I.  Having a good relationship with my parents has always been important to me - and will always be important to me.

So, life can just go back to normal.

I can get ready for work.


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