To be honest... I'm really having to dig deep to make myself write my blog posts. I skipped on Saturday because I was too sick to think straight, but yesterday was simply because I was happier working on my classroom website. I'm not sure why my passion for this blog is starting to fizzle, but I'm scared about it. Very scared.
To be honest... I really think I lost a part of me when I gave up on my old blog title. When I was a weight loss blogger, I had purpose. I had a mission. Maybe I'm living with inside thoughts that because I failed at weight loss, I will fail at writing about other topics. All I know is that drive that got me out of bed every morning to sit down at this computer and write about my thoughts and feelings has started to wear down. Maybe it's just a dry spell. I don't know. I have been writing for over two years, after all. But, whatever it is, I'm not sure I can shake it.
To be honest... I'm really enjoying the fact that there's chilly weather upon my area and it appears that fall is finally here. That makes me very happy. I'm so done with hot weather. Stick a fork in me I'm done. I'm not as thrilled about fall allergies, but I'll gladly take them so that I can wake up each morning and need to put on my fuzzy slippers. I'll take the allergies so that I can curl up in a blanket at night while sitting on the couch watching my favorite TV shows. And I'll most definitely take the allergies so that I can sleep with my thick, warm, down comforter at night.
To be honest... It just hit me that maybe my writing situation isn't a bad thing. When I was a passionate blogger, I was dealing with some pretty hard times. I was going to college. That wasn't easy. I was facing rejection from not being able to find a teaching job. I was struggling with my constant setbacks with my weight loss situation. My writing came because I wasn't really happy. Wait, that's not really right to say. I should probably say my writing came from the situations in my life that made me unhappy. Sitting here, this very second, it's occurred to me that maybe I'm having so much trouble writing because everything is so good in my life right now. I have the job I've wanted my entire life. I have financial stability. I have my health. I have a family that's happy and thriving in their new surroundings. Life is better than it's ever been. I wonder, is this why I'm suddenly struck with major writing block? Because I only know how to write when there's some kind of upset in my life? Something to seriously think about.
To be honest... I just realized that there is one part of my life that still isn't perfect. That would be the relationship with my mom. It's been a few weeks, now, since I last spoke to her. And to be really honest, I could have picked up the phone and made amends at any point during this time - but I can't. For years I've always felt like I was the child that needed to be there for my mom. I've let situations that bothered me slide right off my back because I never wanted to upset her. This disagreement we're having is stupid. I could be the bigger person and end it, but I'm tired of always being the one to walk around on eggshells. What about my feelings? To her, we had a silly disagreement over a fishing pole. To me, she made it very clear how much more important her other granddaughter is to her over my child. But, regardless, I know that if I hurt my child - no matter how silly I think the situation is - I'd be the one to put things right.
To be honest... I can't believe I sound so much like a Debbie Downer after declaring that life is peachy. I need my writing sense of humor back! There was once a time that I could write something and actually chuckle to myself or crack a smile. Where'd that part of me go? Geez.
To be honest... I should probably give up on trying to come up with more confessions today and go get ready for work.