Tuesday, January 06, 2015

OK, Sleep, Come Back to Me


I'm dragging this morning, that's for sure.  I feel asleep on the couch early last night and slept for about an hour, which caused me to not want to go to bed last night.  At 1AM, I was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to calm my mind down long enough for me to drift off.  I guess it happened, at some point, but at 2:47AM, I was wide awake again and was awake for a little while.  My alarm is set to go off at 4:30, and I had to hit the snooze button a couple of times, and eventually drug myself out of bed around 5AM.  I'll let you do the math on how much sleep I got, because my brain isn't even functioning well enough to try and figure it out.

Having trouble sleeping is not something I usually have problems with.  I'm one of those people that can stay awake if I need to, but pretty much can go to bed at any time and fall asleep.  But, the last couple of days has been an adjustment, and I know it will take some time trying to get back in to my regular routine.  I have the same problems after summer break, so I'm not worried about it.  I know that over the course of the next couple of days, I'll be so wiped out that I'll fall asleep one evening and sleep all night long and basically be caught up and back to my old routine.

Not being able to go to sleep, in my opinion, is one of the worst things EVA!  My brain doesn't want to calm down, and thoughts, ideas, fears, and worries start creeping in.  I start thinking about stuff I need to do in my classroom the next day, stuff I need to do at home, and it always seems like I'm forgetting something.  Or, I start thinking about stuff that's been going on with me and playing out different scenarios in my head of how everything will play out.  I start to think deeply about recent conversations or situations, and try and find alternate meanings to stuff or start wondering what was meant or if I'm imagining something I saw or heard.  

It's tough, I tell ya!

I really thought that going back to work yesterday would utterly exhaust me, and I guess it did.  I had a hard time keeping my eyes open after I ate dinner, but then I only slept for a little while and was wide awake.  But, I was happy to be back at work yesterday.  It felt really good to have some normalcy to my routine, some structure.  As much as I'm trying to give up some of the ever-needed control I must always maintain, my classroom is one place where it just comes naturally.  I always feel in control, and can still make some split second changes if I need to and it not affect my feelings.  

It's all good, though.  I'm happy, I'm healthy, I'm just a little tired.  I've been very contemplative, lately, and I guess people have started noticing.  But, rest assured my friends, it's a good type of contemplative.  I'm good.... great, actually.  Just doing what I gotta do, taking one day at a time, and rolling with the punches.  Somewhat.  HA!!  It's an adjustment, that's for sure, but I'll get there.

Well, it's that time for me to go and get ready for work.

Have a great Tuesday, everyone!


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