I'll be honest. When I think of words to describe myself, patience never really makes the list. I'm not a very patient person. Waiting is hard, especially when you're waiting for something you've wanted a REALLY long time. But, one lesson I've learned from my impatience is that the more impatient I am, the longer it takes for stuff to happen.
Ever had one of those days that something really exciting was going to happen, and up until the time you get to do it the hours seem to ridiculously drag on? Well, that's what I'm talking about. The more you want something, the more it seems to take forever to get it.
Along with my epiphany of uncertainty that hit me Monday night, I also had the realization that patience is going to have to be my most important virtue at this time of my life. I have strong feelings on how I want my life to unfold with the uncertainty that's lingering overhead, but I also understand that it's out of my control. What happens, happens, and trying to force my ideal scenario is just going to end up making the end result take even longer to get here.
I've got to try and have some patience.
I've had several people tell me these past couple of weeks that everything will work out the way it's supposed to. At first I brushed that sentiment off, huddled in my desire for NOW and wanting certainty and understanding. Then, I got a small taste of what life would be like if my dreams came true this past weekend, and it fired up the impatience beast to a whole new level. What ended up happening? My emotions were crumbled and crushed into a million pieces because I made some mistakes in my assumptions and dabbled with pushing my impatience.
What I've had to accept is that things most definitely will turn out the way they are supposed to, but I have to be ready to accept that it might not necessarily be the way I want. It's going to require some patience, stepping back from the situation, and waiting for events to play out the way they're supposed to. The more I try to pull my desires in, the more I will be pushed back in to upset. I can't force destiny or fate... they just have to happen. Even though I have no intentions of giving up on what I want, I have to understand that sometimes the best way of getting something is by letting it go.
Another little saying that I need to take in is that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I know that when I'm away from the people I love, I miss them more and more each day. It's hard to have separation, but sometimes it's needed. Sometimes, if I'm not sure how I feel about something or I'm frustrated, I just have to take myself away from the situation in order to let my brain settle and untangle all of the feelings. The absence allows for clarity. Sure, it's hard. Why remove yourself from something you want? Right? But, when it's something you want but you're not sure if you're supposed to have it, stepping away from the situation can really help. The absence sometimes makes you want it more, or it can sometimes help you understand that it's not what you want. That make sense?
OK, I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder, it can also help determine if it's something you can't live without or something you just need to let go. Back to the whole everything will work out thing, if it's meant to be, it'll be. If not, then you pick up and move on.
Each day is a brand new opportunity, a new chance to start over. Rather than dwelling on the unknown or situations out of my hands, I just need to clear my mind and take on what the day has to deliver. No thinking about tomorrow, next week, or next month. It's all about today!! I need to remove myself from trying to figure everything out, let time do what it's gotta do, and whatever is supposed to happen with my crazy life will eventually play out.
It's all good. It's all apart of the excitement of life. And, I've accepted it.
Now, I wait patiently and try and go about life as normal. Maybe I'll get what I want in the end, maybe I won't. It won't be the first time I've lost something very special to me, and I'm sure it won't be the last.
I just have to be patient.
Have a great Wednesday, everyone!