Haven't see Labyrinth in a very long time, but for some reason I woke up this morning hearing the words "You have no power over me", and it was like someone had yanked me from the edge of a cliff and just saved my life.
I cried myself to sleep last night. Which is kinda weird, because for the past couple of days I've been feeling much better. I had told myself that I was going to let everything play out the way it's supposed to, step back from the troubles, and just take one day at a time. But, loneliness is an emotion that doesn't go away easily. When nothing else is around to keep you company, loneliness steps in and becomes the silent companion willing to whisper your troubles in to your ear.
But this morning, when I woke up, apparently my mind had other plans. I've been losing control of my emotions, and that can't happen. I'm letting my emotions completely take over and tear down the walls I've spent so many years building and reinforcing. I am strong. I am powerful. And when something or someone starts to make those walls crumble, I panic.
I have to take back the power.
I truly believe that every person that enters your life does so for a reason. Maybe it's for your benefit, maybe for theirs. But, one of the worst realizations is when you think someone comes in to your life for a certain purpose and discover you were totally wrong. You play out this wonderful scenario in your head, think about all the signs and signals you've been given to reinforce your beliefs, and then all of a sudden a ton of bricks come crashing down on you when you realize you were totally wrong.
But, then you think maybe you can hold on. Maybe you can change the situation, that you read the signals wrong and there's just a little bump in the road to the original plan. So, you keep going, keep trying, keep believing. And then, there it is, the sign you've been dreading: Dead End.
There's only one option when you come to a Dead End sign, and that would be to turn around. I could try going back the way I came, or I can try an alternate route. But, I've tried this road not so long ago. I took the same journey, and rather than finding the Dead End sign, I was smashed in to it at about 100MPH. But, I didn't give up. I went back and just tried again, driving a little slower.
Look what that got me. Right back to the same sign. And even though I got here a little slower, this time, it doesn't hurt any less.
However, I've realized something. Both times, I wasn't driving the car. I was just the passenger, along for the ride, waiting for my driver to take me where I thought I was supposed to go. After the first crash, we went our separate ways for a while, but not for long. Long enough for me to repair the damage from the last ride. You would think I'd be more cautious about going along for another ride, but I wasn't. That was me trying to change what I thought I could change. So, back in the car I got, had such an amazing ride... faster, more intense, exhilarating really. Which is why this time around it hurts a little more. Even though the Dead End sign appeared more slowly, it still arrived. The pain is no different.
Well, now the time has come for me to get back in the car alone. Travel a different road. Another journey, another destination.
This time, though, the words are strong in my head...
You Have No Power Over Me.
My new journey requires no driver. I will no longer be the passenger on a ride to pain and regret. I'm taking back the keys and going at this alone. And, it's OK. I can do it. I've done it before, I will do it again. Like I said, I am powerful. I am strong. It won't be the last time I make mistakes, but it will be the last time I let someone else drive.
I'm taking back the power. I am taking back the will to drive off in another direction. I'm done with this road, and it's time for a new adventure.
No more tears. No more heartbreak. No more fear or worry. I've done my time, I gave it a good go, and now there's nothing left to do but to pick up and move on. And it will be OK. I truly believe that. I will be OK.
My power is my own, and nobody can take it away from me.
(Just wanted to throw out there to people that will read this and worry. I'm good. Please don't worry. I get very emotional and deep with my writing. Always have, always will. My writing doesn't affect who I am or what I do.. it's just my release, and nothing more.)
Have a great Thursday, everyone!