It's my own fault.
Hi, my name is Joanna and I'm a procrastinator. Yes, the worst kind. The kind that waits until the very last second to do something, even though that something is supposed to take about two weeks to complete.
The something I'm referring to today is my senior project. The big kahuna. The main assignment for my senior year. The assignment I should have been working on for the past month - collecting information, writing reflections, grading, analyzing.....but nope, I wait until 2 days before it's due to even start. DOH!
I wish I could break this nasty habit - don't think that I haven't tried. Each and every night for the past month, I have sat at my computer looking at the screen trying to find the words to write....but my head is completely blank. For some reason, I have a brain that is only wired to perform under panic and stress. When a deadline is looming, that's when my brain kicks in and says "OK, time to start working" and off I go.
It's a curse, but for some reason - a blessing, in a way. I hate the stress and anxiety that comes from procrastination...but I am also able to think better, work harder, and produce my best work during those crunch times. I find that I don't second guess myself when I'm working under this kind of pressure.
Maybe because I don't allow myself time to worry about if it's good enough - it just has to be right the first time.
So, here I sit. It's 11:17am on Sunday. My senior project is due to be submitted within the next 48 hours. I've made good progress, but still have a long way to go. On top of that, I also have to prepare myself for my first day of Kindergarten tomorrow. My supplies from my 2nd grade are still sitting in my cart. I haven't unpacked them. I haven't thought about what I need to take tomorrow. Oh, and did I mention that I also have to go grocery shopping this afternoon and cook dinner tonight?
Yesterday, I took a break from my work to head to the gym. I'm glad I got the work-out in, but I didn't really feel like I had a good work-out. My head was so fixated on looking at the clock and worrying about how much time was passing...that I rushed. I did put in 30 minutes on the elliptical, 15 minutes on the treadmill, and a few sets of weights. Not a bad work-out, but not my best either.
Today, I really wanted to get out and run. Not sure that's going to be possible - but it's so nice outside. I really dislike days like this - why couldn't it be pouring down rain? At least then, I wouldn't want to go out so bad. I'm trying to tell myself that missing a day of running is OK - and that once this project is finished, I'll have much more time to go out. It wouldn't be so bad if I had made it out at least once this week to run...but I didn't.
I've gotten to the point of my journey where missing a work-out or a run bothers me - BIG TIME! Sometimes there are things that are more important - graduating, for instance, is much more important. Do I really want to jeopardize my final grade on feeling guilty about not exercising? No. But it doesn't help the guilt feelings putting it that way, either.
Well, this post ended up being one big rant....so, how about ending with some good news?
I did an "unofficial" weigh-in this morning. The scale said 213.6lbs!! That's 1.4lbs lost in 4 days!! I'm happy about that. Especially since I weighed in yesterday to register for my next challenge from The Sisterhood and my weight was 215.6lbs. Gotta love those water weight fluctuations, right? I can't wait to see how I do over the next couple of days up until my weigh in on Wednesday morning.
OK - head feels a little more deflated...time to get back to work.
Till next time. ;)
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