Sunday, February 13, 2011

Testing Myself

It's Sunday.  For the past few Sundays, I've posted some pretty deep posts about myself.  Things that I want to change, things that I can't, etc.  Well, NOT TODAY, my friends.  I am too happy and proud of myself to even THINK about doing a downer post today.

Last Sunday, I shared a post about feeling lonely.  Now that this week has passed, I've been able to recalculate the feelings and emotions that were getting me down.  I was feeling sorry for myself, yes, but not just because of the "close friend" situation.  I was feeling sorry for myself because I was filled with regrets.

On January 1st of this year, I made a pledge to myself that this year I was going to do everything in my power to achieve my weight loss and fitness goals. I wrote the goals down, I made a time line, I planned and prepared....and then half-assed my way through the month of January.  I lost weight, yes, but not from giving it everything I had.

Every week, I would weigh-in and not see a huge change on the scale - sometimes I even saw a gain.  I knew it was because I hadn't worked out as much as I said I would.  I didn't eat as well as I should have.  I didn't stick to the goals that I had set out for myself.  I was failing - myself.

After writing that post last week, and getting some amazing support and feedback, I decided it was time to suck it up.  If I was going to really do what I set out to do - I had to commit.  I had to give it everything I had and then some.  So, Monday morning, my NEW journey began. 

Each day this week, I have WANTED to work out.  I have WANTED to eat right.  I have WANTED to drink water - lots of it.  I haven't had to make myself do any of those things...they've just come naturally.  I even WANTED to start logging my food and calories - just so I could keep track of what I was doing...seeing the numbers is a huge help.

I know what you're thinking - you've heard all of this before.  I've posted about it this week.  This is true, but yesterday was the first time I had to leave my house.  I had to step out of the comfort zone I had created for myself.  Being at home this week has given me the freedom to work out when I wanted, eat healthy foods because it's all that's in my house. 

Yesterday morning, Hubby suggested that we try to get out of the house for a while.  I will admit, I got a little nervous.  I knew that with going out "just to get out of the house" came eating lunch or dinner out somewhere.  The thought of going out and then coming home trying to do my work-out also scared me because I never feel like working out after being out all day.  So, I told Hubby we could go out AFTER I had done my work-out and eaten lunch.

I did my work-out (Biggest Loser Cardio Max for 25 minutes immediately followed by The Shred Level 1 for 20 minutes).  Then I ate lunch.  Then I got my shower.  Finally, around 2pm, I was ready to go out.  I made sure I grabbed a snack to take with me - so that I didn't get the urge to pick something up while we were out.  We got stuck in the driveway - several times.  I jumped out of the car and PUSHED THAT SUCKER out of the stuck driveway and up the dirt road portion of the driveway.  All. By. Myself.

We had a great afternoon out.  We walked around the outdoor mall.  We shopped.  I told myself I was NOT going to look at clothes - it wasn't worth it, because I wouldn't be able to wear them long anyway (mental motivation, right there). Before we knew it, it was almost 5pm.  We walked out of a store and all I could smell was the intense aroma of the nearby restaurants.  I smelled steak.  I smelled fried food.  I smelled temptation.

Hubby saw the look on my face and asked me if I wanted to go and eat dinner.  I looked at him and said "let's go to Subway".  The look on his face was....urm...surprise.  In the mix of my favorite restaurants, and the tantalizing smells that assisted, I - ME - opted to go and eat dinner at SUBWAY!

As we drove to Subway, I couldn't help but keep a huge grin on my face.  That moment was such a victory to me.  Having temptation stare me straight in the eyes, I told him to get lost.  I have worked too hard this week to give in to something stupid like steak and fried foods.  Even at Subway, to the frustration of those people behind me, I took my time to look at the nutritional values of the sandwiches before making my choice.  I ordered the black forest ham on flat bread.  I loaded it up with veggies.  I enjoyed every single bite - and was left feeling full and satisfied.

Tomorrow begins the new chapter of my challenge - dealing with work and keeping with my plans.  This week has really given me freedom, but also a great way to get motivated about the weeks and months to come.  I know with a little dedication - I can make it work.  Get up at 4am to do The Shred?  YEP.  Get back to doing my C25K after work?  Definitely.  Continue making great choices with my food and logging everything I eat into my diary?  Of course.  I just have to.  I am the only one that can make this work...and succeed I will.

Till next time. ;)
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1 comment:

  1. Yes you will succeed!!!!! I am so proud of you for coming so far!


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