Night Before Jitters

I'm a nervous wreck.  My stomach is fluttering, my palms are sweaty, I'm on the verge of being nauseous.

Tomorrow morning, I will wake up at 5am.  I will dress in my running clothes, wake up Peanut - and then the two of us will be heading to the Race for the Cure.  I'm sure my nerves will be even worse at that point.

I wasn't this nervous this time last year.  That's because I was delusional this time last year.  I thought I was ready to compete in a 5K run...and I wasn't.  This year, I still don't know if I'm ready.

I know, I've ran 5K many times.  I've competed in a 5K race since last year - and did pretty well.  But now, for some reason - I'm petrified of how I will do tomorrow.

A lot of it has to do with the fact that I haven't run in over a week.  A week and five days to be exact.  I know that not running for that long is not good when going up against a situation of having to run 5K.  I'm scared that I won't be able to run as much as I'd hoped.  I'm nervous that for some reason my knee will start giving me grief again.  I'm terrified that I will start running and watching hundreds of people pass me - losing even more confidence in myself - and ending with a time of over 50 minutes....when my goal is to finish in less than 45.

I know I'm being stupid.  The whole point is to finish - no matter how long it takes me.  But I've worked so hard...I've trained myself to be able to run for 15+ minutes at a time...yet, I can't shake the feeling that once I actually get out on that 5K track I will lose my steam and end up walking more than I run.

One good thing I can take away from tomorrow will be the fact that I can prepare myself for what's to come next Friday.  Yep, next Friday - I'm doing it all over again.  Another 5K race. 

A month ago, I was so excited.  I felt ready - almost ready.  I felt that I was going to really up my game and do better than I've ever done before... but now, that feeling is gone.  I know what you're going to say - I'm being too hard on myself.  I agree with you.  But I have to be.  This isn't just about finishing for me anymore - it's about putting all my hard work to the test...see how far I've come, how much I've progressed.  I'm going to be so upset if I finish tomorrow with the same time I finished last year - when I had to walk the whole way because my knee gave out on me.

Oh well, I guess I'm just going to have to see how it goes.  Tomorrow afternoon, it will all be over with.  I will be attending my first graduation party.  I'm so excited about that. 

I have a plan to completely zone out while running.  I'm going to play my Couch to 5K program while I'm running and think about interview questions.  That's what I've been doing for all of my training runs - and I've managed to go distances I never thought I could do.  Maybe, just maybe that will work for me tomorrow.

Everyone keep me in your thoughts tomorrow morning - and send good, hard, ass kicking vibes my way.

Till next time. ;)

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Nanci's Story

It is time to hear from the guest blogger of the week:  Nanci.  She has such an amazing story to share. I have read it several times since she first sent it to me - just to get some motivation.

Enjoy...

Hi, my name is Nanci. I am back on this weight loss journey again, just 5 years after the last time. I swore then I would never be in this position again and here I am.


In 2006, I joined Weight Watchers and in 7 months, lost 27 pounds and reached my goal, becoming a lifetime member. I was at 130 pounds, what I like to call my happy weight. It is my happy weight because I am the most comfortable in my skin and my confidence soars. I promised myself that the changes and healthy habits I learned in WW would stay with me forever, and I would never again get up to the 157 that I started at. Boy was I wrong…

Shortly after reaching my goal weight in July 2006, we decided it was time to start a family, five years after getting married. This coming from two people who adamantly said NO KIDS for a long time... I went off the pill and five months later, was ecstatic to be pregnant. (I will note here that during that five months of trying, my weight stayed at goal, never changing thanks to my continued healthy habits and working out.) Our excitement was very short lived when I had an early miscarriage. It knocked me to the lowest of lows and I knew that day that we had experienced something that would forever change our lives. We waited a few months, during which time I did my best to heal physically and emotionally. We started trying again. This past January was 4 years since that miscarriage and still no baby. Not even another pregnancy, not one in four years. I’ve been poked, prodded, medicated, multiple surgeries, and lots of technology to try for that elusive pregnancy that seems to happen quite easily for everyone else. It was later in 2007 that the pounds starting creeping back on. But the emotional rollercoaster of infertility was in total control of my body, heart, soul, and mind. Those healthy habits I coveted for so long were thrown away - it was one thing too much for my broken body to do.

At one point in 2009, I went back to WW briefly. It lasted a few weeks before I gave up, not able to give it my all.

2010 proved to be a harder year than the others. Being a small business owner, we hit rock bottom when the economy crashed and in November, my dad went to the hospital for a pain in his side. He ended up needing surgery and that became another very defining moment in our lives. He spent a total of 4 weeks in the hospital before passing away on December 4. The pain of a miscarriage didn’t come close to losing my dad and again, our lives were changed forever.

After he had been gone a few months, I realized I had to take better care of myself. I knew, without getting on a scale, that I weighed more than I had in many, many years. I needed to do something not only for my health, but to keep me busy, to keep my mind from wandering and wallowing in the sadness of losing my dad.

I remember how proud my dad was of me the first time I did WW. Every week, he was excited to hear my progress and he was so impressed at how I became the master of eating healthy and still enjoy foods I love. For a minute, it saddened me that he would not be here to cheer me on this time around, but I knew he would still be here with me, every step of the way. And that realization, knowing that he would be watching me from above, my guardian angel, pushed me back to WW.

I went back on March 11, 2011 and weighed in at 165.8 pounds. My last weigh-in on April 15 was 157.2 pounds. I am very pleased with my loss so far. My goal is 130 again – my happy weight. I am not in a rush to get there. Slow and steady wins the race. I will get there. I know I will have ups and downs, but I WILL get there. I know I will.

I love to walk and do TaeBo. I want to run again and in time, I will. I try to work out 5 days a week. In March, I set a goal to walk 100 miles and I did. This month my goal is 15 miles a week and TaeBo twice a week. This goal seems to be a little more challenging for me, but I will not let it get the best of me.

Thank you for reading all about little ‘ol me. I hope to get to know more of you over time and that you will follow me on my journey!
 
Thank you so much, Nanci for sharing that incredible story.  If you'd like to learn more about Nanci - please visit her over at her blog:  This Crazy Life of Mine.
 
Till next time. ;)

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Weigh to Go Wednesday - Maintaining my Sanity

It's weigh in day.  Nothing too exciting to share today.  I managed to maintain my weight - still sitting at 210.8lbs.  When I haven't worked out all week, I'm not surprised....kind of relieved, actually.  It's been a long week - and being able to maintain my weight is much better than seeing a gain.

It's rained for almost an entire week...I'm sick of it.  I'm down to only having 3 days left before race day - and I haven't ran since Monday before last - not good!!

I know, I'm starting to sound like a broken record.  Believe me, I don't like posting about the same ol' stuff - but I'm having writers block or something.  I know that my kindergarten placement is taking my mojo out of me.  I'm really enjoying myself - but man, am I tired every day.  I haven't had any time to really focus on myself or my weight loss.  I'm just counting the days down to graduation so that I can pick myself back up and really start getting back to it again.

Don't worry, I'm not giving up.  I'm still watching my food.  Yeah, I've slacked off big time when it comes to exercising - but I can't help it, I'm just too tired to go to the gym.

On top of being so tired all of the time, I'm also dealing with some personal problems at home.  Nothing major, nothing I'm going to bore you all with - but it's enough to be weighing on my mind...which is just adding to the stress and the fatigue.

Still no word from any principles about interviews.  Still not stressing about it.  I truly believe that my time will come. 

This weekend, I really plan on letting some stress go.  Not only will I have the Race for the Cure first thing Saturday morning, but I will be attending my first graduation party Saturday night.  That's right, I said first.  What, you thought there'd be only one?  Yeah, right!!  We've worked our tushes off (myself literally) for the past four years.  I think that deserves a whole month worth of celebrations...and that's exactly what I plan on doing. 

It's crazy to think that I only have 8 days left to work in the classrooms.  There's exactly 2 weeks and 2 days till graduation.  Not that I'm counting, right? LOL 

It has been such an amazing journey - one that I will have a hard time leaving.  I've grown to love the people I'm working with - and to know that this may be the end of working with them is very hard.  I have learned so much. 

Anywho, that's neither here nor there in regards to my weight loss journey - and that's what this blog is about, right?

Tomorrow, I'm going to post another guest blog post.  I will be sharing Nanci's story - and she can be found over at This Crazy Life of Mine. 

I have received several guest post from readers - and they all have great stories to share.  I chose Nanci's to post tomorrow because her story really burned my soul.  Reading her story made me take a hard look at all of the whining that I do around here, and realize how silly it all is.  I can't wait for you all to read it - and have a box of Kleenex's ready...cause I know I needed some after reading it.  She has an amazing story to share - and I know that you all will love it.

Till next time. ;)

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Mini Goal Monday: The Final Countdown

Wow, it seems like forever since I've posted a mini goal list or posted first thing in the morning.  My schedule has been all out of whack lately - so I'm going to try and get myself back on track.

It's still raining.  Hasn't stopped since Friday.  It has no plans of stopping all day.  That's three whole days of rain, rain, and more rain.  I feel like my house is turning more into a boat house with all the water that's currently surrounding it.

This week starts the final countdown to my Race for the Cure on Saturday.  I sure hope the rain has gone away by then.  I did the race last year while it poured with rain - would really rather not have a repeat of that situation this year.

I'm a little bummed that I wasn't able to get out and run this weekend.  Thank you to those of you that sent me some work-out suggestions.  It wasn't the working out I was upset over - I really needed to be out and practicing for my race.  I haven't exactly been on top of it, lately, so this weekend was super important.  I just hope that I can get a couple of good practice runs in this week.  I've decided not to stress to much over it - as long as I compete, and I finish, I will be happy.

So, what's on the to-do list this week?  Well..

• Try to run at least 2 miles 3 days this week
• Drink plenty of water - at least 60ozs per day
• Get back to waking up at 4am
• Post my blog each morning - before leaving for work
• Push myself HARD on Saturday to finish the 5K strong

It's going to be a long week this week.  I'm teaching solo.  I have some great stuff planned, but I know that I will be exhausted each day.  I'm going to have to really suck it up and not let myself bail out of running...even if it's pouring down rain.

It's down to the wire now.  I have just 11 days left in the classroom and three weeks until graduation.  I can't believe it's so close.  This whole semester has disappeared before my eyes.  It seems like only a few weeks ago I was posting about Christmas and New Year - and here half the year is almost over.

I've really been thinking about the summer - and what I want to do with my time off.  Running is at the top of that list - but being that I will be home during the day, I will also have a chance to really explore some other activities.  I think I'm finally going to get to use my Pilates ball and work-out DVD.  I will be able to get back to daily Yoga.  My Zumba dance game is also going to get a nice dusting off, me thinks. 

This year, I want to finally reach my goal weight.  That's not going to happen overnight - especially if I keep the pace I've been keeping.  I have to do more - I know that.  Having the time off will be a big start to that plan.  Just getting down below 200lbs will be a big incentive - and a big push in the right direction.  I've been sitting looking at that goal line for far too long now...it's time to get there.

Well, it's time to get ready for work.  I will be posting a guest post this week - stay on the look-out.

Till next time. ;)

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Urm...It's Supposed to Be Runday!!

Did you see what I did there?  I put Runday instead of Sunday.... funny, right?  OK, OK, hold off on the tomatoes....I never said I was a comedian.

I'm a little upset today.  I'm less than a week away from the Race for the Cure - and I can't run!!  It has been storming NOT STOP since Friday!!

If it was just rain - I'd be out there.  Last year, I ran the same race in the pouring down rain - and it would be good to prepare for that if it should happen again. 

It's not just rain, though.  It's thunder and lightening....and I'm not taking any chances with that.  On top of the storming, everywhere is flooded....I mean, water past your ankles kind of flooding.  Not good running conditions and it's frustrating me.

Even if the storms do hold up long enough for me to get a run in - I don't know anywhere to actually run where I wouldn't be wading through water.  There's flash floods all over the news.

So, it's Easter.  I should be focusing on egg hunts and all that stuff.... but, the rain and storms has also messed that up.  Now, I'm going to have to get creative and hide 84 stuffed eggs all over the house in the hopes that the kids will still be amused with that plan.  What am I thinking?  It's candy - they won't care a bit.

I should probably get to stuffing them.  I've been a little preoccupied this morning getting all of my lesson plans written for next week.  I'm surprised the kids haven't been bugging the crap out of me about it - but they haven't.  Maybe they forgot?  LOL  Doubt it.

Oh well, time to get to stuffing and hiding and hunting. 

Happy Easter, everyone!!

Till next time. ;)

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Tornados & Tendinitis

Wow, what a night it was last night.

I got a message from Sanity about going out to eat dinner - and I accepted.  Not for the food, but for the company.  It was a long week, and I was excited about getting out for a little "girl" time with her and my other friend, Amos.

As I was driving to the restaurant, the sky was getting darker and darker.  I knew we were in for some storms, and I just hoped I'd make it before the clouds opened up and released the impending down pour.  I made it... phew.

While I'm sitting and talking and laughing, my phone starts going off....text message from my mentor, text message and missed call from my mom, Facebook message from pseudo MIL.... uh oh, something's going on.

Each message asked where I was and if I was OK - urm, yeah.... I was fine....what the heck was going on?

Well, after responding to the texts and then getting on my number one source for News:  Facebook.... I realized that a tornado had touched down one town over from my house - and was heading that way.  Within a matter of 10 minutes, another tornado had been confirmed to have touched down just 3 miles away from my house.

Of course, panic set in.  Hubby was at home with the kiddos.  We live in the boondocks - can't hear any tornado sirens.  We also have DirectTV, so if there's a flutter of a storm - the TV goes out. 

I called Hubby.  He told me they were fine - didn't know about the tornadoes - but the weather really wasn't doing much.  Then he said it started hailing BIG TIME. 

Luckily, the tornadoes were short lived - and disappeared before getting close to my house.  Because the weather was so bad - and more tornadoes were possible - I decided to hang out with Sanity and her man back at their house until the worst was over.

We basically sat outside watching the sky do magical things.  The sky was an eerie green color.  There was no wind - not even a slight breeze.  The air was thick and muggy.  I felt like Helen Hunt from Twister.  It felt like at any moment the sky would open up and a funnel would appear.  We saw some really cool lightening, we watched as the clouds rotated....we realized we were dumb asses standing outside in it - but was intrigued, so we continued.  Luckily, it all passed - and no major damage occurred.

I finally decided I was safe enough to drive home.  In the car, I started getting shooting pains in my wrist up to my elbow.  It felt weird - and was very painful.  I got home - was so exhausted from the long day and evening's events that I decided to go straight to bed.  All night long, my arm was so painful.  It woke me up several times.

I'm not really sure that it's tendinitis, but that's what I'm thinking.  It's so painful.  It's making typing and writing difficult - but gotta deal with it.  I have a lot of work to get done today.  The pain is starting to subside a little - but still dull and achy. 

OK, time for me to spend my day getting my work done....still storms and rain in the area - so it's a stay at home day for me.

Happy Saturday, Everyone!!

Till next time. ;)

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The Kindergarten Work-Out

So, you've been looking for a work out that will get you fast results, huh?  You want to feel the burn?  You want to feel completely drained of all energy when you're finished?  You want to see that scale sliding down each week? 

Well, have I got the work out plan for YOU!  Here's what you need to do....

Find a Kindergarten classroom - and work in there every day.

That's it.  It's really that simple.

What does the work-out entail?  Well, let me tell you....

• You get 5 hours of constantly being on your feet. 
• You get small amounts of time to sit down, but have to stand back up about 6 times in a 10 minute period 
• You walk backwards down long hallways at least 3 times a day
• You walk around the room repeating yourself over and over and over and....well you get the point.
• You hand out papers, you pick up papers
• You're constantly bending down to 5 year old level so that you can look them in the eyes to talk to them
• You are abruptly standing back up because it's too tiring to argue with 5 year olds

Believe me, it doesn't sound like much - but at the end of the day, you'll feel like you've run a marathon!!

Since I've been in Kindergarten, I've been EXHAUSTED!!  No work-out has ever compared to what I feel like when I come home each day.  I'm enjoying myself - don't get me wrong about that - but LORDY do those lil ones take it out of me each day.

It really made me start thinking about my finally getting over my plateau.  Could it be that this placement was what I needed to kiss 214.6lbs goodbye forever??

I'm on my feet more.  I'm averaging about 8500 steps a day - between the hours of 7am and 3pm.  The walking backwards part is no joke - you'd be amazed at how many muscles you're using that you don't normally use walking the normal way....but you can't take your eyes off them for a minute!

Plus there's the small amount of time available to eat...that's another bonus.  I get 1 hour of planning time each day and a 30 minute lunch break - when I don't have duty.  That sounds like a lot...but when you throw in meetings, planning, and walking backwards down the hallway to take the kiddos to specials and then on to lunch - you've cut about 20 minutes off of that time.

Almost every day since I've been in this placement, I've passed out on the couch before 8pm. 

If you're one of those people that think that teachers have an easy job - then, please, do me a favor and go and sub in a kindergarten class for a couple of days.  Not just one - they'll be adorable little angels for just one day.... it has to be more than that.  Then....THEN you'll see.

Next week, I get to teach the adorable little cherubs for the whole week alone.  Yep, it's my solo week.  If I thought I've been tired up to this point, I can only imagine what I'm going to feel like next weekend.

I have to take this moment to say that Kindergarten teachers are SUPER HEROES!!  I always thought I was tough - could take on just about anything....but I've met my match.  And they are called Kindergartners!!  My super teaching powers just don't have that much of an effect on them....Kindergarten teachers have super duper powers that mere mortals - like myself - do not possess.

Again, I'm loving every moment of my time with the kindergartners - but I'm a realist.  I was not born with the super duper powers - and I just don't think I will ever reach the point of earning them. 

I am, however, going to reap the benefits that have been coming my way with my weight loss.  I haven't really had to go to the gym - because the classroom is my gym.  My students are my weights.  My working hours are my cardio.

If you really want a work-out that you'll enjoy - and will drain every ounce of your energy....become a kindergarten teacher!!

Till next time. ;)

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Passed Phase One of Easter Temptations

Today, I had the whole day off to go job hunting.  Well, to go and meet principles - pass out resumes..you know, stuff like that.

I visited a total of 8 schools and met a total of 2 principles...one of which was much too busy taking care of the front desk to talk to me. 

I must have driven 100 miles today, with no feeling of accomplishment....oh well, not going to let it get me down.

After all that driving around, I headed to Wal-Mart to load up on Easter goodies.  Don't worry.  I was good.  In fact, I can't believe how good I was.  I browsed up and down the Easter candy aisles - and was literally having an anxiety attack over the plethora of candy before me.

I took a deep breath.  I counted to three.  Then I realized I wasn't freaking out over what I wanted to buy - I was freaking out because I didn't want to buy ANYTHING!!  I actually considered not getting the kids anything for Easter - because all I could think about was how bad the candy was for them.

I decided to make a plan.  I decided that my kids didn't need an Easter basket full of chocolate and candy - yet it wasn't fair that they got nothing.  So, I opted for three packages of plastic eggs and a few bags of candy to fill the eggs.  I didn't even buy chocolate to go in the eggs....I went for low fat or fat free gummy candies like Twizzlers and Krabby Patties.  GO ME!!

I'm not sure how thrilled the kids will be on Easter Sunday - but they'll get over it.  Easter is a really hard time for me...there's so much chocolaty goodness out there for the taking.  The funny thing is, though, as I browsed along the 1lb chocolate bunnies and 1/2lb chocolate eggs...I didn't even think about picking one up.  NOT ONCE!!  All that was in my mind was - what wouldn't be too bad for me if I feel in to the urge of wanting a piece of candy.

I'm not a big fan of gummy candy like Twizzlers and Krabby Patties.  I'm also not a big fan of Skittles - so a bag of those went in to the cart.  I knew that it would be really hard to fall into temptations grip when I filled the kids' eggs with candy I didn't like.... yeah, I know, I'm a freakin' genius!!

So, once I got home, Jelly and I stuffed 42 plastic eggs for her to take to school tomorrow.  I also bought 84 eggs to fill for the kids to hunt on Sunday.  I will stuff them on Saturday.  I feel happy knowing that I was able to get through my own Easter hunt strong.  The kids get some candy - and momma won't steal it all.  Win win for everyone!!

Right now, it's pouring down rain.  It's also storming.  Weather like this makes me sleepy and lazy.  I'm cooking dinner and then planning on retiring to the couch for the evening.  It's been a long day - and I deserve some relaxation time, me thinks.

OK - off I go.

Till next time. ;)

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Weigh to Go Wednesday - About Dang Time!!

It feels weird not having a challenge to post my weight to today.  It seems like since February, every Wednesday has been about the progress I'm making towards some form of challenge.  Today, I come with just a regular ol' weigh-in....the pressure of a challenge is off and it appears to be having positive results on my weight loss.
Last week, I ended my challenge weighing in at 211.8lbs.  I lost a total of 2.8lbs in 6 weeks.  This week?  I'm down another pound!!

This morning, I stepped on the scale and almost had a heart attack when I saw 210.8lbs. 

Could it be that I've finally made it through the brick wall and said goodbye to 214.6lbs forever?  I sure hope so.  It feels so great knowing that I'm only 11lbs away from being in Onederland.  I'm only 14lbs away from losing 100lbs!! That's HUGE!!

I'm happy to report that I'm still in a "good place" in terms of the job hunting.  Still no interviews yet - but I'm not losing hope.  I much prefer not stressing about it and doing what I can, than worrying myself ragged over it.  I also believe that my positive attitude is helping my weight loss.  I know, first hand, how detrimental stress can be to weight loss.

I know I've been pretty sketchy with my blog postings the past week.  I don't like to miss days - but I really haven't had any inspiration or words of wisdom to share.  I'm a little nervous by this - being that my blog is my sanctuary, my release, and my comfort....but that also means I have nothing to bitch about, either.

I'm down to having only 12 days of work left before graduation.  It seems so weird that in 3 weeks I will be finished with school.  I will be off for the summer.  I will have time for the family - for myself....something I haven't had in 4 long years.

I'm excited about being able to sleep in.  I'm excited about being able to work-out when I want.  I'm excited to have no stress - except for finding a job.  I'm also excited to sport my bathing suit and lay out by my parents' pool.....and I'm not worried about how terrible I'll look in the bathing suit.

I'm still holding the hope that I'll be into Onerderland by the end of May.  I think it's doable - if I keep up my current momentum.  Of course, a pound a week isn't going to do the job - so I'm keeping that in mind.  I love the fact that I'm running more - and this weekend, I'm going to try and get into some form of routine with my at home equipment....even with my gym membership still in effect until the end of May.

Alright - time for me to cook some dinner.  It's a rarity for me to be doing the cooking - so I better get to it.

Have a great evening.

Till next time. ;)

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5K Frenzy - Got to Up the Pace

So, I am now officially signed up for two 5K runs in the next month - and a third is dangling temptation in front of my face.
The first will be April 30th - the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure.  That's the one that I've had my training focused on for months. 

The second will be May 6th.  It's my school district's fundraiser 5K.  I've been helping out with running club at my school for a few weeks now - coaching (or should I say just running behind) the 2nd grade boys.  We've been interval running 2.4 miles the past couple of weeks.  Hopefully, by the time the race happens, the boys will be ready to go the full 3.1 miles. 

Today, I hear about another 5K race.  It's on May 7th....yes just one day after my 2nd 5K.  It's a 5K that benefits Autism...and I'd like to support a cause like that. The fact that it's one day later isn't too bad....except one is at 6:30 in the evening and the next one is at 8 the next morning.  Even though I know that I can pull off a 5K...2 in less than 24 hours is another story.

Now that the race dates are getting closer, I'm starting to get more nervous.  I should be able to run further - or at least faster - than what I have been able to do.  I'm averaging at around 15 minutes per mile and I'm not really able to run much more than 12 minute intervals.  On the plus side, I am feeling that my stamina has increased quite a bit.  Yesterday, I managed to run for more than 15 minutes without having to stop... but my pace was closer to 17 minutes per mile.

I haven't decided if I'd be happier being able to run slower for a longer time or run faster but needing more walking breaks.  Either way - I need to up the training and the intensity, that's for sure.

I've gotten in to this weird mindset that doesn't make running an exercise for me anymore - but more of a stress reliever.  That's good - and bad.  It's good because, well...hello, it's a stress reliever.  It keeps me away from binge eating.  It brightens my mood.  It makes me feel good.  It's bad because I'm scared that if I push myself too hard - I'll stop enjoying it so much...that make sense? 

Let's take yesterday, for example.  I went out to my parent's house to run the 3.1 mile loop around their house.  I started off really wanting to test my pace time - push myself.  Once I got in the run, however, my mind starting wandering.  My pace started slowing down and I focused more on relaxing and taking it easy than doing what I had intended to do.  I quit worrying about how fast I was running and decided to enjoy the run. 

Same thing happened at running club today.  I was the "lag" person - meaning I had to stay behind for the slower runners.  Once I slowed down my pace to stay with them - I didn't really feel like pushing myself very hard and decided to enjoy the nice weather and jog.  I jogged longer than I usually do - and more frequently - but the pace was much slower.

I guess, at the end of the day, I should be happy about finding an exercise I truly love.  My problem, though, is that I'm never going to get where I want to be if I just keep slacking off.  If I want to truly compete in the 5K races - and I do - then I really have to get serious about my training.  It's a rock and hard place situation.

What I do know is that as long as I want to run and I get out there and do it then I'm burning calories.  I'm exercising.  Maybe I'm not cut out to be a bonefide runner - or a competitive runner - but I love the idea of being one...I like the feeling of working towards something.  I guess it's just another one of those "take one day at a time" situations. 

Speaking of which - I'm still feeling peppy and not depressed.  I even heard about an intern that may have a job offer today - and was genuinely happy for her.  I didn't feel any form of jealousy or resentment.  I was happy to hear about her opportunity and filed it in my head as "my time will come".  That's huge.  I'm really starting to believe that I'm going to be OK - job or no job offer. 

Before I go, I want to mention the guest post stuff again.  If you've emailed me - or haven't but meant to - then I would love it if you'd send me your post.  I'm going to make a file and post one a week...or on the days where I don't really have much to say.  If you have spoken to me about guest posting on your blog - just let me know when you send me your post and I'll send mine back to you.

OK, think that's all for today.

Till next time. ;)

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I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty...

Happy Sunday, blog readers!!  I hope the weather in your neck of the woods is as beautiful as it is here today.  It's been cold the past few days, so it sure is nice to see and feel some warm sunshine.

I had a really great, rejuvenating, self-esteem boosting day and night yesterday.  Lord knows I needed it.  With everything I've been whining and complaining about lately, it was nice to forget all of it and have a whole day and evening to let my hair down and let my worries blow away with the wind.

The day started out with a family breakfast/ lunch at Village Inn.  I'm not going to lie.  I indulged a little - OK, a lot.  I had a breakfast skillet AND an order of pancakes.  It wasn't about what I could or couldn't eat - it was about having a family meal out...mostly for Peanut's birthday that was Thursday.  I know that one meal is not going to kill me.  I also knew that I had a lot of walking in store for me throughout the day - so I knew I wasn't doing too much damage.

After the meal, Peanut and I headed off for a little pampering.  Last year, we did the same thing.  We go to the Beauty College - because, first and foremost it's cheap - but it's also like a little spa day.  Peanut opted for a hair cut and manicure - I went with a manicure and eyebrow wax.

It was hard watching Peanut get her hair cut.  I wanted mine cut so bad - but I've made the deal with myself that I will NOT cut my hair until I'm below 200lbs.  Now that the weather is warming up, I want my long hair GONE!! 

My eyebrow waxing was surprisingly relaxing.  It's embarrassing to admit, but I've NEVER had my eyebrows waxed.  My eyebrows resembled large, fat, hairy caterpillars walking across my face.  They had no shape, they were far too long, and they were anything but feminine.  That was taken care of with a few pulls and tugs...but despite that, I actually enjoyed it.  I wasn't too thrilled with the top half of my face looking like a swollen tomato when I was finished - but that soon disappeared.

The manicures were well....urm...OK, I guess.  You would have thought that the poor girl doing mine was giving me surgery or something.  Her little hands were shaking the whole time - and the end result looked like I had allowed Jelly to paint my fingernails.  She didn't say a word to me the whole time.  I could see the fear on her face - and actually made the comment that she should relax.  Peanut's nail tech saw the disaster that was unfolding on my fingertips and offered to redo my nails once I was done.  Even though she was much more friendly, and a lot less nervous, her work ended up coming off before I even got out of the parking lot.  Needless to say, I had to completely redo my polish once I got home - but it wasn't a big deal....the manicure felt nice and Peanut was happy with her nails - and that was the most important thing.

After our pampering, it was home so that I could get ready for a night out on the town with Sanity.  What a night it was.  We went out with her boyfriend to watch a local band play...it was a blast.  After watching the music, it was off to my favorite little karaoke bar to sing some tunes. 

I love to sing.  I'm not too bad at it.  It has taken a long time to get the confidence up to be able to sing in public - but for the past few months I've really found my groove when it comes to some karaoke.  The last song I sang was Shania Twain's Any Man of Mine.  I will tell you - I am not a country singer.  I know that song, kind of...but it was far from my best performance.  However, when I was done - I got quite a nice surprise.

I was approached by a guy as we were leaving.  He told me that I did an amazing job singing - and wondered if I'd do him a favor.  He explained that it was his best friend's bachelor party - and his mission was to find as many "hot" women as he could to get a picture with him.  He asked if I would mind having my picture taken with the husband-to-be.  I thought it was kind of cute - so I obliged.  The fact that I had been referred to as a "hot woman" was enough for me.

The rest of the night was spent laughing, dancing, and just having an awesome time.  It felt so good to be so happy.  I just realized as I'm typing this that we didn't mention school or work ONCE the whole night.  Maybe that's why we were in such a good mood?  I don't know - but I liked that feeling, and I'm making it stick around for a while.

Today, it's off to Oklahoma to see my parents - and go out for a run with my mom.  It's such a beautiful day.

Till next time. ;)

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I Only Control the Here and Now

I know.  I've been gone for 2 days.  Wasn't any real reason for it....just didn't have much to say. 

The job search continues, and while I have been unable to dispel the stress and fear associated with the process, I am feeling a little more grounded in my feelings towards this time of my life.

It's weird to think that in exactly 4 weeks from today, I will be the first member of my family to graduate from a University.  What was an exciting and momentous event it was going to be just mere months ago, doesn't really have the same feeling for me anymore.  I mean, I'm excited - don't get me wrong about that - but it's just not that big of a deal when wrapped inside the bubble of job hunting.

Up until last night, I'd been riding an emotional rollercoaster.  One day I'm confident, the next I'm crying in a corner doubting everything about myself.  Then the next minute I'm pepping myself up only to be crashing down again a few hours later after a conversation with someone that has an interview.  It's no fun.

Then, last night happened.  I went to a Tupperware party - have never been to one.  The Tupperware had nothing to do with it...my pseudo mother-in-law?  Everything to do with it.

This woman is like another mother to me.  Not to take any recognition away from my own mother...having another mother figure isn't needed - but it's so nice that I have double the love and support.

She has been a cheerleader of mine since day one - filling me with hope, boosting my confidence, and supporting me every step of the way....just like my own mother has.

Last night, I let all of my concerns and emotions and feelings out on her like a pack of wild dogs.  I told her about my doubt.  I told her about my frustration.  I told her about feeling like my whole world is crashing in around me just because I haven't had any contacts from any other schools about an interview.

She listened.  She nodded with understanding.  And then?  She whipped out a major dose of the "Don't EVER doubt yourself" talk that I knew would happen.  I've been told the same thing by so many people - but for some reason, when I bounce my frustrations out on MIL - she's ready to smack it right back at me with words that aren't just sympathetic and kind but resounding and effective.  It's like having my own personal motivational speaker.

And, you know what?  After speaking to her, I felt much better.  She made me really think about all of the struggles I've dealt with in my life.  The most recent being my weight loss.  She made me think about how a few years ago I had no hope of ever being able to get rid of the weight.  She made me remember how daunting it was to think about losing 100lbs - and how I doubted myself constantly, but then realized that the only way I would succeed would be taking one day at a time. 

That's when it hit me.  When I was struggling with thinking about losing weight - my key to success was taking one day at a time.  I just couldn't think about the future - but I had no control over the future.  I only had control over the decisions I made each day...what food I ate, whether or not I exercised.  Despite my hard work, I also couldn't control what the scale said to me.  Even though I had struggles - at the end of the day, I still succeeded.  Sure, it's taken longer than I'd hoped.... but I'm doing it.  85lbs is gone - it didn't happen over night.  I pushed myself to accomplish my goal....but I could only do it with taking one day at a time.

When I apply that all to my current situation - it all seems to become clearer.  I can't control what the future brings.  I can't make those principles call me.  What I can do is take one day at a time.  Make the efforts I need - visiting schools, sending emails, making contact - and then wait and see what happens.

A year ago, I couldn't imagine being 85lbs lighter.  Today, I can't imagine getting that teaching job.  Well, I lost 85lbs, didn't I?  I can only hope that the same success comes my way in regards to that teaching job.

Maybe it doesn't happen this week, this month, in a couple of months, or even this year.  What I do know is that as long as I don't give up, I keep putting the effort in - good things will happen.  Sometimes that stupid scale doesn't make any sense when I stand on it despite getting in extra exercise and eating well all week.  I have to accept the reality that the principals might not call me despite the effort of reaching out and making contact.  It took a long time to get where I am today with my weight - and the same is true with my job hunt. 

I'm now starting to realize that I can only control the here and now.  I will make the efforts, I will keep sending the emails, I will keep visiting the schools.  Maybe I don't get the response I want - but maybe, just maybe I will. 

I still have a long journey ahead of me with my weight loss - and maybe the journey to finding a job will be just as long.  That doesn't mean I will give up.  Somewhere out there, there's a principal that will give me a chance.  Just like there's a day I will stand on the scale and see my goal weight.  Good things come to those that persevere....and persevere I will.

Till next time. ;)

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Weigh to Go Wednesday



Not feeling too bad about what I saw on the scale this morning.  I'm pretty happy about it, actually.  I needed some good news, that's for sure.

I'm going to just right in with the numbers before I do anything else...

Starting weight:      214.6lbs
Weight last week:  213.2lbs
Weight this week:  211.8lbs (-1.4lbs)

Last week, I set a goal to lose 2lbs.  Well, I didn't reach that goal - but I did drop 1.4lbs.  That's not too shabby.  Especially when I really didn't get to exercise as much as I had planned.  This week's lost has finally put me at the 85lbs lost mark.  That means there's only 15lbs to go to reach that 100lb milestone.  That's exciting.

I have made a decision this week that has upset me a little - but I think it will be for the best. 

I've decided to cancel my gym membership.  It's mostly a monetary reason.  I don't really need another monthly bill, and really think that I should be saving as much money as I can.  I'm also not using the membership near as much as I started out doing.  It's not because I've lost my passion for it - it just seems like there's always some kind of meeting or plans that get in the way.

The plus side is that now the weather is so much nicer, I just want to be outside running anyway.  I know that I can't just rely on running - but I have plenty of equipment at home that I could be utilizing.  I figure if I cancel my membership this week, I will still have a full month to use the gym (you know, 30 days notice)...so I'll just try and do the best I can in that amount of time.

My toes is still pretty sore and I haven't been able to really do any exercising this week - but I plan on getting to the gym tomorrow afternoon.  Even if I'm only able to do some weight work and stationary bike...it's better than nothing.  I'm really hoping that I will be ready to run again this weekend.

My 5K race is getting closer and closer.  In fact it's only 2 1/2 weeks away.  I'm still not ready.  I really wanted to be able to run the full 5K, but the best I can do right now is run 12 minute increments.  I also haven't trained enough on a 5K terrain.  I've been training at a flat track - it's going to be quite a bit different on the day when I'm trying to run those hills.  Maybe this weekend I actually go out and run the 5K course?  That would give me a good idea on what I need to work on.

It appears that I'm starting to make a little bit of progress in regards of moving away from my plateau.  I need to keep up the momentum - broken toe or no broken toe.  I may not have lost a lot of weight during the Spring in 2 Action challenge - but that doesn't mean I can't win the Biggest Loser competition I'm doing at work. 

Well, it's already time for me to get ready for work....so have a great day, everyone!!

Till next time. ;)

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First Guest Post: Introducing Adah!

I am honored to be giving up my blog for today to allow my partner in crime the Spring in 2 Action challenge share her story.  Her name is Adah, and you can find her at Plain Ole Grandma is Losing It.

Enjoy! ;)

Hi my name is Adah and I’m on a weight loss journey.


I have been overweight for a long time…I just denied it! My hubby and I have gone on some amazing vacations (England, Spain, Ireland, Scotland, road trips across the US, and cruises) and when I saw pictures of myself I would cringe at what I saw but never was motivated to do anything about it. So basically I was looking past what was in front of my eyes…ignoring what I saw that needed to be changed in my life. I’m not sure what caused the push I needed to start on my journey but when the Shrinkvivor challenge started over at the Sisterhood I jumped in and never looked back. I love the show Survivor so maybe the title caught my attention, maybe it was the groaning I was doing when I sit down on the floor to play with my grandkids or maybe it was just the size 16 jeans that were getting tighter by the day.

I started that challenge at 186 pounds...way too heavy for my 5’4” frame. I have participated in each challenge since then and it’s those challenges that keep me pushing. I haven’t been at the top of any of the challenges. I have been guilty of not doing my best on more than one occasion. But I did each of the challenges and enjoyed it. I need the accountability to have to write down what my weight is and if I’m doing what I need to. It was the Virtual 5K challenge over at the Sisterhood that pushed me to try the C25K training. I do more wogging than jogging but I get out there and move. I never thought of myself as a runner but now I know I can do more than walk.

My hubby is my cheerleader and has pushed me out of bed on more than one occasion to go for our morning wog. He is always with me every step of the way. I love the feeling I get when I see the finish line at a 5K race and I push myself to go a little faster and finish strong. My best 5K time is 46 minutes and I’m trying to do one 5K a month and push myself to a new PR each time.

I have had my ups and downs both in weight and in emotions. It’s not easy trying to do what you know you need to do and working really hard but not getting the results you hoped for. It’s easy to get down and drown those emotions in food…my lover was chocolate covered pomegranates. Not a good lover to say the least! I have to push myself each and every day to drink my water and not Diet Dr Pepper…eat my fruits and veggies instead of chips or junk…exercise instead of sitting on the couch. It’s not easy and some days I just don’t have the push to accomplish what I know I need.

Right now I am partnered with Joanna for the Spring in 2 Action challenge at the Sisterhood. We have one week left and while we haven’t been on the leader board we have been working together as a team. We encourage each other to work hard…to not give up….to push past the bad day and attack the next one with everything we have. When I am down she picks me up and when she is struggling I try to encourage her. Even though we are a generation apart (my youngest daughter is 2 years older than she is and my grandchildren are the age of her kids) we are a team. We are both fighting the battle of weight loss and that is what makes us a team with a common goal. I wouldn’t be where I am today without her on my team. Go Generation Determination!

I started this weight loss journey at 186 in September, 2010 and this Wednesday I hope to end the latest challenge at 160. Writing those numbers give me chills...if anyone would have told me that in 7 months I would lose 26 pounds I would have laughed at them and ate some more chips and salsa. Today I am proud to say I have lost 26 pounds in 7 months and now I’m going to go and have a cup of tea and enjoy a little TV before I go to bed.

Thanks Joanna for sharing this journey with me for the last 6 weeks. You have inspired me…pushed me…encouraged me and made me a better person. You are doing incredible things in your life and I know that you will succeed at anything you put your mind to. One day and one pound at a time!

Thank you, Adah, for such an amazing post!!  Be sure to go and check out her blog - she has such great motivation in the words she writes.

Till next time. ;)

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Mini Goal Monday: Goals of Positivity

Let me start out by saying that I am feeling a little better today.  I'm not going to pretend that I'm back to my cheery ol' self and that life is a bed of roses - cause it's not....but I am feeling better than I did yesterday.

I went for a run - like I said I would.  I didn't get to run as much as I wanted due to the fact that we had 50mph wind gusts that caused a small dust storm at the track.  I tried to ignore it, but the dust got in my eyes and in my mouth - and made breathing while running a little difficult. 

After I got home, I put my earphones in my ear, went out on the back deck, and turned on my Collective Soul album.  Despite putting my iPhone on shuffle - these are the words that began to play...

Something's going wrong inside of you

Burdens bearing down and seeping through

Well, I don't want to bleed anymore for you

And I don't want to breathe any hatred too

Sitting while you world just floats around

Now you want to move 'cause it's crashing down

Well, I don't want to sing you guarantees

And I don't want to cling to our use to be's

So take your heart, take your soul

Just get yourself on out of here

Weird, huh?  The song really couldn't be more perfect.  Listening to these words I just started to have a good cry.  I say a good cry because it's really what I needed.  I needed to let some of the emotion go.  It was a therapeutic cry - and sometimes those are just necessary.  I realized I probably don't do it often enough.

After the cry, I went and took a shower and then cried a little more.  I guess the deck cry wasn't all that was needed - and once the shower cry was over with I began to really feel much better.

For the rest of the day, I decided to just spend some time alone.  I went grocery shopping, I worked in my office - and finally, by dinner time, I was ready to mingle with the family and start really thinking about how to get away from this depressive mood.  Then, to really add insult to injury LITERALLY, I ended up kicking Jelly's metal rocking horse while walking through the living room - and it appears I may have broken the toe next to my pinkie toe on my left foot.

It hurts like...well... a lot!!  It immediately bruised up and started looking dark purple.  Despite how much it hurt, I couldn't help but laugh....something else I really needed to do.

So, today is a new day.  I could post my goals for what I want to do this week in regards to my working out and eating.  I'm getting a little bored with that, though.  I want a change.  I need a change.  Yes, I'm going to work out in the gym, yes I'm going to run, yes I'm going to eat what I'm supposed to.  Now, let's get to some goals that will hopefully help me rid these blah feelings...

• Take one day at a time... just because I don't get an interview today or tomorrow doesn't mean I won't get one.
• Work on polishing my portfolio, and getting out to meet some principals
• Use my "emotional running" feeling as an advantage to get out and really burn some rubber
• Stop and take deep breaths several times a day
• Have faith in myself

The last one is probably the most important, but the hardest to do.  I have to have faith in myself.  I have to believe that I am capable of making great things happen.  Look at the success I've had with my weight loss.  I need to look at my job hunt as the first day I decided I was going to lose weight.  It was no longer a possibility, it was something I had to set my heart and soul on.  I have to push past the fear of failure.  I have to start doing the work... jobs don't fall into my lap any more than weight flies off my body from sitting on my behind.

I know I've said this before, but if you'd have told me two years ago that I'd be sitting here typing this 84lbs lighter and now at 212lbs having two 5K races under my belt, the ability to run 12 minute intervals, AND preferring to run in a time of emotional agony rather than eat... I would have told you that you were NUTSO!!  Now look at me.

It's time to get my head into that mindset.  Believing that it's possible.  Believing that there is a job out there for me - and even though it may not happen this week, next month, or even by the next school year... I will get the job.  I will find a principle that believes in me, that's willing to give me a chance, that's willing to make my dream come true.  I just have to get out there and find him/her.

My mantra for this month is Willpower.  I have willpower.  I don't feel weaker just because I have days of weakness.  Being weak is what makes me stronger.  It's what makes the strength in me come out and fight.  I never give up - it's just not who I am. I am a fighter.  I am strong.  I will succeed.

Till next time. ;)

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Sentimental Sunday - Running from the Pain

So, yesterday I updated about the loss of my trip to Louisiana.  I was OK with it - I am OK with it.  Although, I can't seem to dispel this "funk" that's sitting on my mind...I'm not sure if it's totally caused by the trip - but I know it's brought it out of me.

Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel like you can't catch a break? You wake up on Cloud 9, birds singing, warm breeze blowing through the air...you decide the moment you wake up that the day is going to be perfect.  Then BAM, out of nowhere, one tiny piece of information makes all those feelings disappear.

I would be lying if I didn't say I was disappointed by finding out I wasn't going on the trip - but the more I think about it, the more I feel like the trip was just the icing on the cake - the tipping point of some feelings that I've been bottling up...trying desperately to keep contained.

I know that a lot of it has to do with the stress of trying to find a job.  The worry that comes with waiting to see if anyone will give me an interview, if any principal will be willing to take a chance on me....offer me a job.  It's a scary feeling.  I've planned and prepared for this for the past four years - or so I thought - but now that it's here - I'm terrified.

I start to wonder if the stress related to that is what is affecting my weight loss - or lack thereof.  I know I'm making the effort with my working out and even more so with my eating... but is the stress keeping those pounds firmly attached to me?

I know I always come here - to my sanctuary that is my blog - and put on a happy face.  It's not a persona or a front...trying to be positive is really how I want to feel, it's how I try to feel...but it doesn't always work.  I can try and be positive, determined - try to push all those hopeless feelings to the pit of my stomach... but there's only so much room down there.  Pretty soon, those feelings start to build up until they finally want to spill out of me.

It seems like every day I hear that one of my fellow interns has been called about an interview.  I put on my happy face for them - because I am truly happy for them - and then that funk sets in.  The "how come I haven't gotten a call?" "What do I need to do to help me get that kind of opportunity?" funk. 

I will say, however, that if all of this was happening two years ago - my reactions would be so different.  Rather than coming here and pouring my heart out, I'd be hunting for food.  Fried, salty, sweet, chocolaty...any or even all of the above.  I would eat hoping that the pain or stress would disappear with each mouthful.  I would eat until I couldn't shovel another bite in. 

That didn't happen yesterday.  It hasn't happened today.  I have no urge to even enter the kitchen.  I have no craving for anything.  I have no feeling that food will make me feel better.  On the contrary...what I want to do is go and run.  I want to run as hard as I can - I want to let my mind wander as the music plays in my ear, the wind blows in my face....I just want to run.

So, two years ago I was an emotional eater.  Heck, a year ago I was still an emotional eater.  I am not about to declare to the world that my emotional eating addiction is gone - it's never truly gone.  What I can say is that at this moment, with these feelings, it's not emotional eating I'm after....it's emotional running. 

I don't know if going out for my run today will magically make all of this pain disappear.  The food never helped - I'm not going to hope the running will either.  It's just the fact that the difference in my "comfort activity" has taken a dramatic change. 

Look at me.  Even when I come here to pour my heart and soul out - I end up trying to steer the post in a positive direction.  I guess it really does say a lot about who I am.

So, today I am hurting.  I want to scream at the top of my lungs.  I want to cry until no more tears will fall.  I want to run away - and keep running until the pain is gone. 

It's not the trip.  It really isn't.  I've been holding this in for days, weeks now.  I look back at the past couple of weeks and notice the patterns.  Not wanting to get out of the bed in the morning.  Not wanting to face the world.  Wanting nothing more than just sleep the days away.  I have no motivation to really do anything. 

I'm unhappy.  There, I said it.  I can't tell you the exact reason.  The mixture of everything that's going on in my life right now mixed together with the stress and thrown in with a big helping of Plateau blues.  Like I said, the trip was just the icing - not even the icing, more like the cherry on top.  It was small and insignificant, but it was enough to make me confront these demons that are haunting me.

I can't sit here and tell you how I'm going to fix it - because, well, I have no idea.  I just needed to get this off my chest.  Get it out in the open.  Put down the words that are really filling up my mind.  No happy faces today or positive hopes.  This is just Me - exposed for all to see.

Now, I am going to retreat to the one place I want to be...the track.  I will run until I no longer feel the need to run.  It's not about completing the 5K I pledged I will run each Sunday....maybe I will make it, maybe I won't.  It's not about how far, how fast...it's just going out there to do it.  And do it, I will.

Till next time.

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R.I.P. Operation: Hot Sauce

It appears that my luck has run out once again.  Every time I share exciting news - there's a swift change, and the exciting news takes a drastic turn to devastating news.

A few hours ago, I received news that has left me saddened.... The trip to Louisiana has officially been cancelled.  Sanity has decided that she really needs to think about getting her own apartment and would much rather use the money for that - than to spend it on a week's vacation.

Now, I have one of two choices..

A)  Be extremely pissed off at Sanity and her amazing sense of responsibility.  Never talk to her again for ripping away my hopes and dreams of a long over due vacation...and then grab for the closest pint of ice-cream to drown my sorrows.

OR

B)  Take this news like a big girl.  Figure out something else I can reward myself with - including Sanity in that decision because she deserves a break from all of her responsible thinking.  Make a new plan, come up with a new snazzy name for a new challenge that's focused on a new reward, AND still plan on entering Onederland by May 23rd.

If you know me, you know which option I'm choosing.  If you think it's option A then OBVIOUSLY you have never read my blog...SHAME ON YOU!!

Of course, I'm going with Option B.  How could I ever be pissed at a person that is willing to give up a dream vacation to think about something as responsible as finding an apartment?  Not only that - but she's my best friend.  Urm, I think I have a little more invested in our friendship than that.  I love her with all my heart and totally understand and respect her decision.

Once I got the news, and composed myself from the crying and shameless screaming of "WHY??? HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN??" (just kidding), my mind went to work on devising a new plan.

OK, so we can't go to New Orleans.  Maybe, just maybe, we can scrounge up enough money for a girls' only weekend away - somewhere close, not too expensive...just a night or two away to let our hairs down and celebrate our graduation.  The cogs in my mind are still turning, because I have no idea where we could go...but I'm not giving up until I think of something. 

I'm not giving up on my challenge, I'm not giving up hope for some kind of vacation....this is just a little bump in the road - and I'm a crazy driver.

So, between now and when I can come up with a plan, my challenge is now going to be referred to as Operation: Get the Heck Out of Here.  It's appropriate I think.

Well, I'm going to get back to my relaxing Saturday. 

Till next time. ;)

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What Can I Do in 6 Weeks?

Yesterday, I announced the beginning of my new personal challenge Operation: Hot Sauce.  It's a 6 week challenge to get my body "beach ready" for my trip to New Orleans with Sanity.

Thinking about the definition of "beach ready" in my mind is probably very different to what others think when they use those words.  Am I going to be sporting a bikini?  Heck no.  Am I going to be on the verge of being considered an Oompa Loompa with my fake tan?  Heck no.  The only tan this body gets is from the sun - when I'm out running or swimming...period.

So, what have we come up with so far?  Well, my beach body will consist of a pasty white girl sporting a one piece bathing suit.

Now, that's OK in my mind.  I don't mind being reflective white - I can catch a nice tan when I spend a little time out in the sun.  I don't mind wearing a one piece bathing suit.  I've brought 3 children in to the world..believe me, no one wants to see me in a bikini.  How I feel about myself in that bathing suit?  A whole different ball game.

As of this morning, I'm sitting at 212.8lbs.  I am 13lbs away from being into Onederland.  As I'm running this morning, I start to wonder if it's possible to reach that milestone by the time I leave for my trip.  I have exactly 6 weeks and 2 days until I leave.  That would mean losing an average of 2.13lbs a week.  Possible?  Uh, yeah....so possible.  IF it wasn't for the fact that I've been teeter tottering at the same weight for the past 6 weeks. 

Now, that's where Operation: Hot Sauce really comes in to play.

I promised myself that I would treat myself to a new hair cut and manicure once I reached Onederland.  I would love to be able to go on my trip with a new hair cut....but I will NOT do it unless I've reached my goal.  Even more incentive right there.

I think that ditching those remaining 13lbs would put me comfortably into a size 14.  I have several new pairs of capris that are size 14...would love to take them along.  Incentive!!

It's all superficial stuff - but it will make me really feel better about myself and I look at my trip as a huge reward for everything I've accomplished in my life (graduation) but also the work that I've done for my life... the weight loss.

So, how do I plan on achieving this HUGE goal?

Well, first things first - I'm going to have to up the intensity of my work-outs.  More time in the gym, longer runs, maybe some work at home with my Pilate's ball and Zumba game?

I'm cutting down the calories.  My daily goal is 1700 calories.  I'm going to start keeping that number between 1400-1500 calories per day.  Not an unhealthy cut, a manageable cut - and a cut that should start helping this plateau move along.

I'm keeping myself motivated.  I'm going to be constantly thinking about my trip - what I want to look like, clothes I want to buy, stuff like that.  I'm going to be tightening the purse strings to save some money - not only for the trip, but for new clothes and stuff to take with me.

I know that I can do this. I'm so pumped and excited.  This opportunity couldn't have come at a better time being that I'm dealing with the plateau.  I needed more incentive - I asked for it - and here it is.

I would love for you all to help me along the way.  I've been starting to tweet on Twitter again - not as much as I'd like, but I'm trying.  If you're not following me...catch the crazy by following @madfatwoman.  I'm adding the hash tag #OperationHotSauce to my tweets - and if you can offer your support...I know it will keep me focused on the prize.

Thank you in advance.  I know that I wouldn't have gotten this far without you all.  Also, be looking for the first guest post in the next couple of days. 

OK - time to get myself moving.

Till next time ;)

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Operation: Hot Sauce!!

I've got really exciting news to share with you all today.

Somehow, writing the post I did yesterday got rid of all that negative ju-ju I've been carrying around.

Let me build up by saying that I really don't ever go on vacation.  The last time I went on vacation was 2 1/2 years ago when Hubby and I took the kids away for a couple of days - in state - to visit a theme park.

I haven't been on vacation out of the state in several years.

Eight years ago, I went to California with my mom to watch a taping of American Idol.  We were there for 5 days.  Six years ago, I went to Atlanta with two of my good friends to watch the Final Four NCAA championships (that we didn't actually go and watch).  We were there for 4 days.  Both trips were won off of radio contests...yes, I was a lucky person back then.

Since then, and the little weekend getaway 2 1/2 years ago, that's been the extent of my vacations since I was a little girl.

So, yesterday was class day.  The one day a week that I get to see my besty, Sanity.  After class, we slip on down to the little bar/ restaurant that's located in the building where our class is held and catch up on the week's events.  I can't leave my other buddy, Amos out of this.  She's usually right there with us.  I love her, too.

Anywho, so we're all dishing our week's adventures, our current situations with finding a job (or lack thereof), and just shooting the breeze.  After three hours of sitting there, we decide it's time we probably think about heading home - we had work the next day.

Then, Sanity shares with us that her parents and her have planned a big trip to New Orleans after graduation.  I make a little "wow, wish I could go" joke and she looks at me and says "I want you to go!! Do you think you could?" 

At first my mind automatically goes to that "there's no way I could pull that off" place.  Thinking about child care, money, all that jazz.  She tells me the hotel and travel are covered - all I'd have to do is find money to use to eat and buy souvenirs.   Then I look at the dates and realize that my teenage brother and sister will be out of school by then... my kids are not so lucky.  They could possibly baby sit.

As I'm sitting there and the more we're talking about it - I start to get excited.  What if I could pull it off?  I haven't been on vacation in FOREVER!!  I'm graduating and deserve a little graduation gift, right?

Well, guess what?  I call my mom - tell her everything - she tells me that they'll figure out childcare for me.  SCORE!!! I rush home...the big hurdle is yet to be jumped over... HUBBY.  So, I walk in, eyelashes batting... yeah, that never works... he knew I was after something.

I explain everything to him - first words "how can we pull that off?  I work nights!"  I tell him I've already secured child care.  He doesn't look exactly thrilled - but tells me that he doesn't mind me going.  I later find out that he was planning on booking that week off for vacation... which he didn't tell me about.  He's going to try and switch the week - because, well, he doesn't want to spend his week of vacation time alone babysitting the kids.

So as of right now - I'm going to LOUISIANA after graduation!!!


The trip is going to be 6 days... we're leaving at the butt crack of dawn May 24th and coming home May 29th.  We'll be going to Bourbon Street and other touristy places AND we'll be going to the BEACH!!  Hello!!  How friggin' awesome is that??

To help with all this excitement, I'm introducing myself to a new challenge... Operation: Hot Sauce.  It's going to be my focus between now and May 23rd - when I leave for the trip. 

I've got to start kicking myself in to high gear if I'm going to be OK with sporting my bathing suit out in public!!  I'm upping the intensity of my work-outs.  I'm going to put myself into PURE DEDICATION mode.  Not only am I working on getting healthier and thinner - which should be my focus every single day - but now I'm actually working towards something. 

I have six weeks to do the best that I can.  I want to be able to buy a few new outfits to take with me - and I would LOVE to be able to buy a size smaller than I'm in.... or maybe fit in to the size 14s that I've already bought and are waiting to be worn.  I will have to buy a new bathing suit - because the one from last year is way too big. 

Here I go.  Day one of Operation: Hot Sauce commences in 5, 4, 3, 2,......GO!

Till next time. ;)

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A True and Honest Time Line

So, it's definitely no secret that I have been digressing from my normal "cheery" self lately to a mark darker, angrier me.  Let me say right now, I don't like feeling that way.  I don't like feeling upset, frustrated, or angry.  It affects my mind, my spirit, and my Willpower.

April is all about willpower - and if I'm slipping off course trying to find it, then I'm falling into the lap of failure.  NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

I decided I needed to write a post that would boost my spirits - something that would make me shift this dark cloud that's looming over my head....a confrontation with my success, if you will.  I may be having a few difficulties now, but the progress I've made in the past year is phenominal....and I should be proud of that.

To help Willpower find a warm, inviting home in my heart - I decided to do timeline post.  Now, I have mentioned a few times that when I first started this blog - I was not honest.  I was so ashamed of the numbers, I flat out lied about my starting weight, the progress I made, and the numbers that were actually appearing on the scale each week.  I know why I did it - because I wanted fast results, I wanted to believe that I didn't really weigh as much as the scale said I did...and maybe, just maybe, if I lived in a fairy tale land on this blog - then it would come true.

It doesn't excuse why I lied.  I'm not proud of it.  Looking back now, I know it was stupid.  I'm not going to go back and change all of those posts - I use them as a lesson learned.  Now, I'm completely honest - and I feel like I'm better for it.  When I gain, lose, fail, or succeed - it's all spelled out in black and white.  Once my support system increased, I realized the benefits of being honest with myself - and the best part is that I have managed to make great progress.  If I was still lying about my starting weight and how fast I lost - then I would not be celebrating the amount I have lost today....I would still be beating myself up over how the numbers don't fit.  Nope, I didn't think that far ahead.

So, today - take a trip with me down "Truth Lane" as I share my ACTUAL accomplishments.

January, 2010:  I stood on the scale to see 297lbs.  I was devastated.  I was completely dumbstruck.  I had no idea that my weight had gotten so out of control.  I knew it was time for some changes....so, I started my journey by using Alli weight loss pills.

February, 2010:  Using Alli, I managed to lose 17lbs in a little over a month.  My exercise routine consisted of using the Biggest Loser game for the Wii.  I was becoming much more concious about my food choices, and making great progress in designing meal plans that kept my eating under control.

March, 2010:  I ditched using Alli after losing another 10lbs.  I felt that I was finally capable to go the journey alone - with healthy eating and exercise.  I took up walking/ jogging and signed up for my first 5K race.  By the end of March, I was down to 270lbs - losing 27lbs in 2 1/2 months.

April, 2010:  I walked my first 5K.  My plan had been to jog as much as I could - but that consisted of jogging about 3 minutes out of the entire race.  I was still badly out of shape - and ended up on the couch for two days after babying an extremely swollen and sore knee.  Lesson learned!!

May, 2010:  My weight loss went in to OVER DRIVE.  By then end of May, I was down to 245lbs!! I had lost 52lbs in 5 months!  I started to feel better about myself.  I also decided I wanted to start Bootcamp - and I signed up.

June, 2010:  I participated in my first Boot Camp.  It was hard.  It was grueling.  It was AMAZING!!  I did things I never thought I could possibly do...push-ups, circuits, running for a full mile (almost).  I also competed in my 2nd 5K and did MUCH better!!  I jogged a lot more, but the most important part was that I felt AMAZING after it was over.  No sore knees.  I felt so great, in fact, that Hubby and I spent the day walking around shopping.  HUGE SUCCESS!!

July, 2010:  I finished up my first Boot Camp by dropping 4% of my body fat, being able to do REAL push-ups, and feeling stronger (and sexier) than I had ever felt up to that point.  While in Bootcamp, I dropped another 10lbs bringing my weight loss down to 235lbs.

August, 2010:  Things started to spiral a little for me - being I started a full time internship.  My "happy go healthy" life was in danger... but I tried to do my best with the amount of spare time I had. 

September, 2010:  I tried to stay motivated and work out as much as possible.  I did manage to bring my weight down to 217lbs.... but more work and less free time started affecting my ability to stay positive.

October - December, 2010:  Due to the craziness of life, school, and work...I decided to take a hiatus from my journey.  I needed it for my own sanity - only, I look back now and realize that it might have been a little of a cop out.  BUT, it happened, and there's nothing I can do about it.

January, 2011:  New year, and new found motivation.  My new year's resolution was to continue the journey I started, yet doing it with full disclosure and honesty.  No more fudging numbers.  No more celebrating deceitful successes...I was throwing all my dirty laundry out there - and making myself a better person because of it.  Starting weight for 2011 was 227lbs.  Only gaining back 10lbs in three months was a small victory in my mind.  I hadn't done too much damage.

February, 2011:  Such a great month for me.  I found the Sisterhood.  I started competing in challenges, I joined a gym, and I started the Couch to 5K program....I rekindled the spark that had sizzled out in the months before.  By the end of the month, I was down to 215lbs - a 12lb loss in a little under 2 months.

March - Present:  The end of February was when I hit my plateau...that dreaded 214.6lbs.  There was one week that I did manage to get down to 212lbs but my constant weight fluctuating has seen the 214.6lbs haunt me a few times since then.  I am DETERMINED to push past this plateau so that this month I will hitting below 210lbs.  I have lost a total of 84lbs!!!  How can I not be happy with that?

What's to come?  In the next couple of months, I see Onederland off in the not too far distance.  I'm basically banging on it's back door.  I've still got a way to go before it will actually let me in, however.  Looking back at how much I've accomplished really did give me the boost I was looking for.  There were months that I lost HUGE amounts of weight - and that girl is still in me. 

Look out Onerderland, here I come....and I'm not looking back until I get there.

Till next time. ;)

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