Complimenting Myself

How often do you stand in front of the mirror and say "Wow! You look fantastic!"?  How about "Look at those curves, you look HOT!"?

No?  You don't say those things?  Why not??

This week, my "Sisterhood Says" challenge is to find one thing to compliment myself about each day.  At first I thought it would be easy.  I can stand and look in the mirror and find one thing nice thing to say about myself...right? 

In fact, on the first day (Thursday), I could - and I did.  I looked at myself and complimented my face.  How skinny it looked - how I could see my cheekbones...and the fact that my double chin has mostly disappeared.

I felt good after that and went about my day.

Friday, I did it again.  This time, I decided to wait until I got ready to go out for the evening.  I stood in front of the mirror and said "Damn, girl, your butt looks great in those jeans".  Don't judge - my rear DID look great.  I was in a pair of jeans that I haven't been able to wear comfortably...until Friday.  They went on really easily...and I felt so small in them.  Rather than just saying "I look good in these jeans" I wanted to target the compliment on something.... my butt won.

Yesterday - things got a little tougher.  I took a shower and got dressed.  Once I was ready, I looked at myself in the mirror.  All I could come up with is "you look good".  Wow - pure sincerity right there.  I looked "good"?  Then I thought, once again, that I needed to make the compliment more targeted.  That's where I struggled.  Why did I look good?  What made me think that? 

I stood and twirled for a while.  Thank goodness I was alone... my family would have thought I'd gone stir crazy the way I was dancing and prancing in front of that mirror. 

I liked the way my outfit fit me.  I liked that the shirt wasn't too tight.  I liked that the pants didn't give me a muffin top.  All of my "likes" came from my clothes.  I liked...but how did I feel?  I wasn't satisfied with just liking what I was wearing.  Call me silly - but I want this challenge to be meaningful.  Giving myself a compliment is great....saying the words, that is... but I think that I need to feel good about what I'm saying.  Complimenting just my clothes didn't give me that feeling.

So, then the insanity set in.  I started running my hands down my stomach, across my butt, down my legs.  I wanted to "Feel" what I was going to compliment.  Yes.... literally.

Ready for what I liked the "feel" of?  No, you're not... you're going to think I'm crazy - or messed up in the head... but it's OK, I understand...

I liked the way my boobs felt.  No, not in that way.  I mean how they felt in my bra.  How my bra fit.  I've been a victim to what I call "four boob syndrome".  It's a disorder that some well endowed women get when their bra doesn't exactly fit right - and they end up with muffin top of the breasts.  I get it often...especially in the bra that I had chosen to wear.  But as I stood there, groping my boobs, I noticed that there was no booby muffin top.

I've noticed that I've been losing my boobs...and I'm OK with it.  I liked not having to worry about Spillage.  So, my compliment for yesterday?  "I like the feel of my boobs".  Definitely not my best work... but it was something different.

Today...I haven't gotten dressed yet.  It's just me.. in the raw.  Jammies on, hair a mess, no make-up.  So, what do I have to say for myself today? 

Today - I say - I don't need make-up, nice fitting clothes, or my hair fixed.  I am beautiful.  I feel fantastic.  Sometimes it takes looking at myself without worrying about all those other things to see the real beauty inside me.  Bring out the kleenexes.  :)

What nice thing can you say about yourself today?

Till next time. ;)

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

FINALLY!!! 2 Fold

So, it appears that the Rapture hasn't happened.  Still have 45 minutes before 6PM here, but I doubt very much that God is running on Central time....so it looks as though I still have some time with the awesome people on this planet.  Phew!!

It's a good thing, too, cause the past 24 hours have delivered some great news.

First.  I got a phone call last night...a phone call I've been dreading would never come.  I got a phone call about an interview!!! YAY!!  It's at the school district one town over from me.  It's for a 3rd grade position.... can you say "Dream Job"?  I think so.

My interview is on Wednesday at 3:30.  Everyone mark your calendars to be sending me some good "get a job" vibes.  I need all the support I can get...and I want this job, more than anything I've ever wanted.

Last night, I went out with my gal pals for a girls' night out.  We had a great time.  We got stuck in a bar because of a downpour - but it was great to just sit and talk.  Then, once the rain finally subsided a little, we made our way to another small bar.  We sat and played Scatagories for a while.  It's amazing how such little things like that can really be so much fun.  Then, after, it was on to my favorite karaoke place....to tear it up!! 

Going to the karaoke place has become one of my most favorite things to do.  I've gotten to know some of the people there, and the DJ has got to the point where he will load me up with songs without me even signing up.  I even managed to get my two closest friends to karaoke - which they never do.  They enjoyed it so much they sang again and again...and they totally rocked it!!

This morning, I woke up feeling refreshed and fully charged for my day.  I decided to take a step on the scale - just for a little midway to weigh in day looksy.  I almost fell off the scale.  Would you believe that I saw 209.4lbs???  Well, BELIEVE IT!!  I didn't at first.  But after stepping off, and then back on, and then off and on again...there it was... 209.4lbs.  I've broken through the 210lbs mark...and I still have 4 days to go until weigh in day.  HOLY COW BALLS!!

So, I've had a great past 24 hours.  I've got a job interview, I'm down another 2lbs on the scale, got to hang out with my gal pals....ahhh, life is good.

What are you up to this weekend?

Till next time.  ;)

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Time to Confess

After writing my blog post yesterday, I did something I haven't done in a while....I read some of my favorite bloggers' posts.  One, in particular, caught my attention.  Of all the blogs I subscribe to, this one blog puts a smile on my face....and has, on more than one occasion, made me thankful my mouth wasn't full of liquid - or I'd have a non-functional computer.
Her name is Drazil - and her blog has made me laugh out loud, cry, and want to jump through the computer and give her a big hug.  I know that she would hate that - so it's a good thing that cyber jumping isn't possible...yet..LOL

Yesterday, she wrote a post that I decided to do today.  She did an "I Confess" post.  I loved it.  I thought it was a great idea.  So, today, I'm laying it on the line....getting some things off my chest...and confessing my sins.

I confess that I am, probably, one of the worst blog stalkers out there.  I read blog after blog... but I rarely comment.  I love reading them, but sometimes I'm nervous that what I want to say won't come out right.  So, instead, I lurk.

I confess that blog lurkers annoy me.  Yep, you heard that right.  I am the worst at it - yet I hate not having any feedback on my blog.  I get maybe 2 or 3 comments a week...and that upsets me.  I worry that what I'm writing is boring, not interesting...and makes no one want to say anything.

I confess that writing about weight loss is hard.  Super hard.  I've been doing it almost daily for over a year - and there's just so much a person can write about.  Well, me anyway.  I read blogs by people who are able to do it...have been for years... but I'm not one of those people.

I confess that I've turned in to somewhat of an attention whore.  I've gone from cringing at the sound of a compliment - to wanting some kind of reaction from people.  I want people to notice how much hard work I've done, I want people to compliment how great I look, I want to keep the feeling that it's OK to believe what people have to say.

I confess that if the PlayStation Network had not come back up this week, I would have traveled to the Sony Headquarters and let them have a piece of my mind!  If you have a significant other that is a PlayStation gamer - then you already know what I'm talking about.  If you don't - then thank the heavens above.... cause a whole month without the PlayStation Network has probably made it's debut on the top of the Reasons People Got Divorced List, 2011!!

I confess that now I know I was able to make it through a whole month without the PlayStation Network, Hubby and I can make make it through anything.

I confess that it's harder to confess stuff than I thought it would be.

I confess that I'm having a super hard time with being stuck around the 210lb mark.  I want the weight to melt away, but I'm getting lazy in making it happen.  I have no freakin' idea how I managed to lose 4lbs this week....but I do know that I want to work harder to get in to Onderland. 

I confess that I'm stuck between I Want To and I Will with my motivation.  The want is definitely there - getting to the Will is a whole different story. 

I confess that I'm starting to stress again about not being able to find a job.  We're well in to May, the time I was told that I'd start to hear from principles...and nothing.  Nada.  Not a single phone call or interview.  I'm trying with all my might to get my mind wrapped around the possibility that I won't find a job... but it's so hard.

I confess that I've slowly, but surely, been turning into a party girl.  A year ago, I never wanted to set foot out of my house - unless it was to go to school or work.  Now?  I've been overtaken by wanting to kick my shoes off and dance the night away with my girlfriends.  I don't know why - or where it came from - but I can't wait to make some form of plans each weekend that involves my girlfriends and I getting out and having some fun.

Lastly, I confess that I probably won't do a "Time to Confess" post again.  This was hard.  It didn't come out as funny as I'd hoped - but I guess I was able to get some stuff off my chest.  It's good to try something once, I guess.  I definitely confess that I am not as talented as Ms. Drazil...that's for damn sure!!

Till next time. ;)

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Weigh to Go Wednesday: May Your Weigh Check-In

Don't worry.  I'm still alive.  I have not fallen off the wagon.  I haven't even been busy.... just decided to take a couple of days off from "cyber world" after the festivities of graduation.

I needed a couple of days off.  Away from computers, technology, and everything else that reminded me of school.  I just needed some time to myself.  Two days was long enough - and so I'm back...and with a vengeance.

Things haven't been perfect this week... I have made my daily goals - and I've stuck to them.  I haven't really done much exercise - but that all falls in to the whole "days off" thing.  I needed to relax.  Relaxing just frustrated me, so now I'm fully charged to get my summer started.... a summer of losing more weight and getting more fit.

I can't wait any longer to get to my weigh-in results... I'm so damn proud of myself.

Challenge Start Weight:  216lbs
Weight Last Week:  215.2lbs
Weight This Week:  211.2lbs

I'm down 4lbs this week!!  That's 2.2% weight loss in three weeks.  Hallelujah!! I'm still not down to my lowest weight of 210.8lbs... but I'm only 0.4lbs away....so I'll take it.  Hopefully, but next week, I would of kicked through the 210lbs barrier....the barrier that I have been unable to break, thus far.

This week, the "Sisterhood Says" challenge is to look in the mirror every day and find one thing to compliment myself on.  I say - BRING IT ON!!  I've been gaining more and more confidence about myself....so this challenge comes at a perfect time.

Tomorrow, I'm going to start running again.  Relaxing was OK - but I wanted to run.  I want to be outside...and I needed to get the urge back again.  Now it's back in full force - and I can't wait to get back on the track.

My goals for this week are to start running again, drink more water, and find a new work-out to do at home.  I'm still working - I'm subbing now - so I'm going to be gone a few days a week...but there's no reason I can't be doing something while I'm at home and not able to get out to run.

Can you hear my spark? It's back.  I feel it racing through my veins.  I really think I needed to get graduation over with so that I could really put my mind back on focusing on me....and now it's happening.

OK, that's it for now.  I will be posting daily again... I've missed my blog - and you all - so much.  I'm so glad to be back!!

Till next time.  ;)

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Ready for Some Pictures?

I know, it's Monday.  I should be writing about my goals for the week - and all that stuff.... but that's not going to happen today.  Today, I'm going to share some of the fun from my graduation... in pictures.  The dress.  The shoes.  The gown.  It's all going down here, today.

So, here we go...

First up - the shoes.  The 5" heels. 

Next - here are a few pics from my pre-graduation photo shoot.

There are many more from the "photo shoot".  I will post the rest of them to my Facebook page, so you can have a look. 

Here are a couple of me in my cap and gown:

There will be more - but I only managed to get half of the photos that were taken on the day.  I don't have the pics of the ceremony, yet... but I will post them as soon as I do.

Again, if you want more pics - check out my Facebook page: Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman.  I will have all of the pics with my family on there, too.  There are a lot of good ones.

This was the first time in so long that I actually enjoyed getting my picture taken - and I like what the end results were.   I'm excited to be sharing them with you guys. 

OK, that's all from me today.  Got to get to uploading the rest of the pics on Facebook so you can check them out.

Till next time. ;)

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

It's a Celebration!! Celebrate Good Times, Come ON!!

Graduation cap and gown: $45.  Pretty dress to wear under the gown: $14.  5" heels to wear while walking across the stage:  $7.  Knowing that this is the last day to the new beginning of my life?  Priceless.

Last night, I got to go and get pampered.  I had my hair cut off...short.  It's a little shorter than I planned... gonna take some getting used to... but I like it.  It's drastic and that's what I needed for today.  Then it was off for a mani/ pedi. 

The pedicure was AMAZING!  I will say, that usually I hate my feet being touched.  I think they're ugly - and it grosses me out to look at them,  so I don't think it's fair for someone else to have to do it.   I sat down and put my feet into the hot tub and then a hot Asian guy came out to set my chair massager up.  At first, I thought Hot Asian Guy was just an assistant.... that was until he asked for me to put my foot up.  EEKK!!

I have to say, I started to feel a little uncomfortable.  I don't let my fiance touch my feet - not that he'd want to - but here I was letting this very cute guy massage my feet and legs...and it was sheer heaven!!!  While he was taking care of my feet - my manicurist was taking care of my hands.  I felt like a celebrity - getting the full pamper treatment.  I left feeling like a million bucks.

Today, my hair looks crazy - bed head.  I'm gonna have to get in the shower pronto and do something with it.  I'm so ready to start getting all glammed up - even if I will be covered from the most ugly, unflattering garment.  It should be a crime to make graduates walk across the stage in a black moo-moo...especially after spending so much time and hard work getting down 85lbs.

It's OK, though.  Underneath I will look fantabulous.  Before the ceremony, my family will get to see me.  I will have pictures taken - and won't cringe at the sight of a camera.  In fact, I've got 2 photographers coming to my pre-graduation lunch - so I must be over my camera fear, right?

And, the 5" heels.  I know that several of you are dying to see the heels.  Don't fret...you will.  I've been practicing walking in them.  I needed to.  Now, everyone keep your fingers crossed that I can make it up the steps and across the stage without a broken ankle.

Today is supposed to be a celebration of working my ass off for 4 years....and it is...but in so many more ways.  Yes, I finished my degree.  I worked hard studying, researching, planning, teaching, and taking tests.  For that I am proud.  But today I also celebrate literally working my ass off.

For the past four years I've gone to school, I've raised a family, I worked the first half of my school career, this past year I worked for free.  I have made sacrifices.  I have given up family time to study.  I have asked my family to pick up the slack around the house while I bury myself in my office.  I have had nights of no sleep, nights with very little sleep, and days where I was so tired that all I could do is sleep. 

In the past 18 months - the hardest of all my college years combined - I did all of that while still running four 5Ks.  I made time to go to Boot Camp.  I went to the gym.  I worked out at home.  I stopped skipping meals because it was convenient, and made time to plan out my meals, count my calories, and eat. 

This morning, I was overjoyed to see 211.8lbs on the scale.  Wednesday, I was 215.2lbs.  It's some kind of miracle - but I have dropped 3.4lbs in 3 days.  Maybe it's the water I've been drinking.  Maybe it's because I've kept my calorie goal every day.  Maybe it's because I've been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.  Maybe, just maybe...it's because today is the big day - and karma is finally giving me a break.  Whatever it is, I'm happy.

So, enough talking...it's time to get busy glamming myself up.  There will be pictures...lots and lots of pictures.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me, cheered me on, been a shoulder, and listened to my whining, complaining, happiness, and joy over the past 4 years.  I love each and every one of you. 

Till next time. ;)

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

The Final Countdown...Da Da Daa...Da Da Da Da Daa

I feel different this morning.

I feel an energy that I haven't felt in a while - an energy that I've been missing.

Today is such a big day.  It's my final final day.  No, I didn't make a mistake typing "final" twice.  This afternoon, I'm going to take my last test which marks the end of my college career.  I'm done, finished, finito.

Yesterday was my last day as an intern.  I'm no longer a student teacher.  I wasn't sad to leave because, well, I'm not leaving.  I have sub jobs lined up next week - and know there will be more the week after...so I'm not going anywhere....they haven't gotten rid of me yet.

It's so surreal to think that in two short days I will be a college graduate with my Bacholors degree!!  I try to think back four years to when my journey to getting my teaching degree began.  Graduating seemed so far away...so daunting...and here it is.  I made it.

Despite my little hurdles I've been dealing with lately, I'm a completely different person to what I was four years ago.  I'm different both on the inside and the outside. 

Four years ago, I walked in to my first class nervous as hell.  I was over 250lbs, wore a size 22, and felt 25 sets of eyes on me as I walked in and took a seat.  I worked hard in my classes, but kept myself from ever really talking to anyone - or making any friends.  I felt like I didn't fit in.

Then, shortly after starting school, I got pregnant with Jelly.  It took a long time for anyone to notice I was pregnant because, well, I was so big to start with. 

After having Jelly, I lost quite a bit of weight - but it didn't last long.  The stress of school and working started the weight creeping back....up to my pre-pregnancy weight and then some.  Until I finally topped the scales at my highest weight ever... 297lbs.  Along with that weight came a size 24-26 pant.

Today, just two days from the end, I weigh 215lbs.  It's not my lowest weight...I've faltered a little...but I'm still 82lbs lighter.  I am now comfortably wearing a size 16. 

I mentioned I'm also different on the inside.  I started my college career as a quiet loner.  I didn't really try to make friends.  I was an active participant in class discussions - but that's as far as my talking went. 

Last year, as my weight started coming off, my confidence increased.  I started making friends.  I started hanging out with friends.  I'm going to graduate Saturday knowing that I now have lifelong friendships - we'll always be there for each other, and share life's joys and heartbreaks together. 

I even like the way I look and feel about myself.  I have begun to see myself as "pretty".  I believe the compliments that are given to me.  I don't cringe when I stand in front of the mirror in clothing that I would NEVER have even tried on four years ago.

The dress I bought for Saturday is beautiful.  It's simple, fun, but it makes me feel good.  Yesterday, I did something else I never thought I'd do.... I bought a pair of 5" heels to wear on Saturday.  Four years ago, I would never or could never fathom wearing 5" heels.  Not only can I wear them, but I can walk in them too!!  My shoe size is something else that's changed.  Since high school I've worn a size 11 shoe.  Last year, my shoes started falling off of me and I had to move down to a size 10.  Yesterday, the heels I bought are a size 9/10.  That's crazy to me.

Yesterday morning, in my little "I'm not doing very well" pity party, I announced that I'm going to start making daily goals.  My goals for yesterday were to eat less than 1500 calories and to drink 64ozs of water.

I'm happy to report that I ate a total of 1390 calories yesterday and drank 64ozs of water.

Not only did I eat 1390 calories, but I burned 2428 calories - giving me a deficit of 1038 calories!!  That's close to 1/2 a pound in just one day.  A few more days like that, and I'll be back on track.

Today, I'm keeping my goals the same.  Being that it's my final class, my final day at school - there will be a celebratory lunch after.  I'm going to work very hard to keep my calories and water in check.  This is a challenge for me - and I'm ready for it.

I feel different today.  I said that at the beginning of the post.  My spark has come back to me.  It wasn't some magic that appeared to me overnight.  I know that my secret weapon is the cause for my sudden burst of re-dedication.  What is my secret weapon, you ask?

My secret weapon is my friend, Adah.  She was my challenge partner for the last Sisterhood challenge.  She kept me going, she gave me support, she picked me up when I needed her.  When I felt like I was losing my way - I reached out to her...and being the awesome person she is, she responded.  We're teaming up again.  Not to compete, this time, but just to be there for each other.  We both liked the support - I know it really helped me more than she ever knew - and I now have her back!! 

Watch out world - cause this girl is graduating college and this summer will become the thinnest and sexiest person she's ever been!!

Till next time. ;)

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter