Just My Daily Ramble

This morning, as I was driving the kids to summer school, the sun was shining and the weather was absolutely BEAUTIFUL.  Now, a mere hour later, the sky has been covered with dark clouds.  More rain is moving in.  Again.

It's been one pretty wet week 'round these parts.  My dream and desire to spend the week in the pool hasn't played out at all.  But, thank goodness for covered patios!!!

Since our ball season started, there have been A LOT of games cancelled due to rain.  I have a feeling Jelly's game tonight will be heading for the same fate, as well as all three kids' games tomorrow.

Oh well.  Can't really complain.  We need the rain.  It's helped make everything grow like CRAZY.  My little back yard is completely green...with weeds. But, I'm not flower racist.  I think weeds are/can be just as nice as some other flowers.  They are alive, which is more than I can say about anything else I've ever tried to grow.  My rose bush is looking pretty nice, and as long as the weeds don't start hurting my roses, they might as well stay.  

Yeah, yeah, so the real reason they are still there is because I can't tell the difference between weeds and actual flowers.  I planted seeds back in April, so I don't know if weeds are just taking over the garden, or if actual flowers are sprouting.  I guess I'll know eventually.  If they bloom flowers, they stay.  If they just continue to grow as green leaves, they may have to go. 

My poor front and back yards could also do with a good mow.  The grass is a couple of inches long, and I know it won't be long before I'm seeing a nice yellow ticket waiting for me on the front door "reminding" me that I need to keep my lawn looking nice in order to occupy my home...and not paying a hefty fine.  Gotta love city living!  HA!  I would do it myself, but my allergies are bad enough without making it worse by cutting grass.  I'm allergic to the stuff.  But, even being allergic, I don't like driving down my street and seeing all the freshly cut, neat lawns, and then driving to my yard that looks like someone has forgotten all about it.  It's getting to the point where it's so bad, I've got little mice committing suicide in my pool!!  It sure must be a jungle out there for them.  

Hubby really needs to get on it, once this round of rain has passed through again.  I can't bare the sight of animals that have decided to end it, because they just can't find their way back home.

I've decided that, being today is the last workday I'm off work for three weeks, I better get my caboose off the patio and take my car in for a service.  It's overdue.  Shocker, right?  I mean, who has time to take their car in every 3000 miles for an oil change?  Especially when they are only open during the week and until noon on Saturday.  I've tried going in on a Saturday... it doesn't work, because every other person that works normal business hours is trying to do the same thing I'm doing.  And ain't nobody got time to spend four hours at a car dealership waiting for an oil change.

While I've enjoyed spending so much time at home doing absolutely nothing, the thought of getting out of the house for a while (that doesn't involve taking kids or picking them up) is becoming very appealing.  I've even decided that I'm going to get out this weekend and go play some bingo.  That's another one of my activities that is well overdue.  It can rain all it wants to, that way, and it can't ruin my plans.  

Monday, I finally go back to work for three weeks to teach summer school.  The first couple of days will be spent teaching the Jr. High kids, and then I switch over to my regular assignment of teaching 4th and 5th graders.  And, I'll admit right now, that I'm a nervous wreck about having to teach Jr. High.  Last year, I had an absolute BLAST working with the older kids.  We had so much fun each and every day.  What's different about this year?  The kids are.  Big time.  I don't know what the deal is, but I spent one day with the older kids last week, and I was ready to get the heck out of dodge.  They were disrespectful, rude, and couldn't give a flying toot about what I was talking about.  They were much more interested in their electronics, each other, and themselves.  I am a firm believer in giving respect where respect is given, and I have a strong feeling I'll be fighting tooth and nail for any of that next week.  

It's sad, really.  The kids aren't "bad kids".  They are just a very self-centered bunch.  Already obsessed with boy and girlfriends, who's saying what on Facebook, what Snapchat has just been sent out, and what group is picking a fight with another group.  Their idea of summer break isn't sitting in a classroom listening to lessons on the Civil War or reading a novel or learning about robots or even playing Minecraft (if there's actual lessons involved).  That's why, last year, I went out of my way to make the activities I did as enjoyable as I could.  But, this year?  I just don't know how I'll compete with  the white headphones.  Even after demanding that they be removed, I then get to compete with eye rolls and huffs and puffs of agitation that I even suggest they pay more attention to me than who's "liking" their status of : "Thiz techr be so lame! Who carz bout war stuffs?  Redy for swimn on da riva with my n***as" on Facebook! Luckily, I only have to do it for two days before I can go back to my "comfort zone".

For the younger kids, I've been given PE in the morning and I'll be teaching Minecraft in the afternoon.  And, I honestly think I was given the easiest assignments available.  I plan on being nice and active with my kiddos all morning long, playing basketball or volleyball or kickball.  Then, when the temps have been turned up, I'll be spending the afternoons showing kids how they can create, build, and survive a virtual world that they design all by themselves.  

I actually, truly, 100% believe that if our government would spend a few afternoons a week watching 4th and 5th graders working together in developing their own nation, they'd learn so much.  Kids.. 9, 10, and 11 year olds, sometimes do a better job of feeding, protecting, and caring for their "citizens" than some of our government officials ever will.  

And, really, that message goes to anyone that feels that spending 30 minutes a day playing a "video game" has no real educational value.  What some parents and teachers try teaching their kiddos about good citizenship, collaboration, and values for YEARS can be accomplished in a few weeks of playing Minecraft.  Twenty plus kids start out working completely alone, but they soon realize (without ANY coaxing from me) that a job is easier when tackling it with others than it ever will be trying to do it alone.  

OK, well I've probably rambled on quite long enough for one day.  Time for me to get in gear and get something done.

Have a great Friday!!

Live. Love. Laugh. And Enjoy the Small Moments.

                                                  

Over the past couple of days, I've really noticed how I've been appreciating the simple pleasures in life that I often take for granted.  

Sitting on the patio watching the rain.

Writing my blog on the patio with a nice cup of coffee.

Reading a book for fun.

Lounging by the pool.

Watching the kids swim around in the pool.

Laying on the couch and watching a show on Netflix I've been waiting months to see.

Going grocery shopping at 8:30 in the morning on a Wednesday.

Having the time to take my car in to get a slow leak fixed in my tire.

Little things that between the months of August and May, rarely happen.  How I quickly forget the pleasure that can come from the simplest of actions.  My life is constantly on the go, and it has been so unbelievably amazing to just stop for a few days and take in life's simple pleasures that often get away from us, or that we don't really have time to think about as even being "pleasures".

As I was driving home this morning, after dropping the kids off at summer school, it dawned on me how much I have been basking in these small moments.  Take a second to check my Facebook feed and you'll notice I've mentioned them quite a bit these past few days.  I've shared them because they are a big deal to me.  Others might look at them and think "Big whoop, you did your grocery shopping on a weekday, so what?"  But those people have no idea.  

Up until a week ago, I was lucky to be home by dark. Most nights it was closer to 10PM, and then I was up and out again the next morning as the sun was coming up.  I was working.  Then, after work, it was off to whoever's ball game or games we had to attend.  We were lucky if we had time to stop off for a bite to eat in between, but mostly relied on grabbing a burger from the concession stand.  I drug in three extremely tired children each night, forced them to bathe before they scrambled in to bed, completely exhausted from their day.  And, then I was able to feel the sweet release of slumber and hope that I was rested enough to do it all over again the following day.  On the rare few days I did manage to make it home while it was still light outside, I had to try and get some laundry done, or had something I had to get done for work, or I needed to work on paperwork for graduate school.  There was just no time for me-time or down time or time to just sit and smell the roses.  

It was go, go, go until we passed out.  Then, rinse and repeat.

So, it's no surprise that now that I've been off work for 4 days, I've really taken in the gloriousness that comes from a few days of having nothing to do BUT enjoy the sweet quiet and relaxation.

The kids are in summer school during the day, which means I'm still getting up around 6AM so that I can drive them.  But, the drive home is slower.  More relaxed.  Calming.  I've thought about what to write in my blog posts, I've thought about books that I'm going to start reading, and I've thought about what little moments I'm going to cherish.

But, it wasn't until this morning, when I REALLY stopped to think about my current pleasures when I realized just how important ALL of the moments in my life are.  The crazy ones.  The sad ones.  The happy ones.  The busy ones.  The quiet ones.  The simple ones.  And the pretty darn huge.   

Things that I can truly enjoy and appreciate now have come to me through hard work and determination.  I am able to express appreciation for everything I have and everything I do because of the journey I've taken to get me here.  

My life hasn't always been this amazing bed of roses, and how quickly I often forget that.

In 2000, just 14 years ago, I was eighteen years old taking care of a baby just a few months old.  I was young, scared, and really thought I was in for one very long, tough life.  I stayed with a man that was absolutely toxic for me, and not only that but ended up falling pregnant again and having another baby less than a year after my first.

In 2001, I was nineteen and a mother to two very small children.  I continued to allow myself to stay in a toxic life situation that broke my very core, because who else would want a person in my situation?  Thankfully, I was able to find a person that would convince me that I was better off alone than in the clutches of the evil I was living with.  But it required finding a strength I never knew I had, living in a homeless shelter long enough to get on my feet, and fighting tooth and nail to provide some kind of life for my small children.

It took me almost four years to rebuild myself up from the damage that had been done by my previous relationship.  I didn't trust anyone but myself, and cared for no one but my kids.  Then, towards the end of 2004, I met a man that I could learn to trust, learn to love, and finally start help me understand what happiness was.

Yet, in the ten years since then, our life hasn't been easy.  

We lived in tiny apartment, worked all hours we could, and still had juggle our bills around each month so that there was food on the table.  But, we never gave up.  Never stopped trying.  And eventually, we were in a position where we could move in to a bigger house.  The house wasn't what I would consider a "dream home" but it gave us more space.  And, after seriously crunching some numbers, we decided if I was ever going to go to college, it would have to be then.  Sure, we had to accept a lot of handouts in the form of grants, loans, and public assistance, but we had the future in mind.  It was either do what we could and make our future brighter, or continue to live paycheck to paycheck in our hum-drum life.

The four years I was going to school were extremely hard.  Throw in the fact that I also fell pregnant, again, during my first year of school so I added taking care of a newborn to the mix.  If I wasn't in class I was studying.  If I wasn't studying, I was working.  If I wasn't working, in class, or studying, I was trying to spend some quality time with my kids.  There wasn't near as much time for that, and I'll never get back any of those "small moments" that I missed out on during those years.  I don't know how many times I sat up in the middle of the night, feeding Jelly, and reading her the papers I had written for school.  

But now?  

Every second that I get to sit here on my patio and cherish these small moments of pleasure came about because of all that I endured.  All that I went through.  All that I fought to get.

I now sit on the patio of my dream home.  

I now bask in every crazy minute of running here, there, and everywhere for ball games and after-school activities, and dropping kids off at friends' houses or summer programs.  

I now have the ability to stop.  Think.  And be thankful.

I've heard people talk about their "bucket lists" for things they'd like to do before they die.  And, honestly, if I think about such a thing I think about how far I've come, how much I've achieved, and how happy I am.  Right now.  This second.

Fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a teacher?  CHECK!

Find the man of my dreams?  CHECK!

Have a family?  CHECK!! (I won the lottery when it came to the kids I was blessed with)

Buy our dream home?  CHECK!

Be there when my kids need me, and attend all of their school functions?  CHECK!! (Still in the process of, and plan for this to continue)

Do you want to know what's left on my bucket list?

Go to graduate school.  (Starting in the fall)

Watch my kids grow up to be the amazing adults they are destined to be.

Be a grandmother.

Enjoy being a grandmother as much as I love being a mother.

That's it.  Simple.  

I don't need any exotic locations or any death defying feats on the list.

I have no idea what the future holds for me.  I have no idea how much time I have left on this earth or how many amazing events that will come my way.  But, what I have learned is that I can't take anything for granted.  I have to live in the moment, enjoy it all.  The big, small, giant, and tiny.  

Life is a gift. 

I want to know that when my time is up, I've got every bit of use out of it that I can.  No regrets.  No would-of, should-of, or could-of.  

Live.

Love.

Laugh.

Often.

Cause, really, who would rather have the alternatives? Not me.

The Life of a Teacher Really is Pretty Great

There are two kinds of people in this world.  People that think that teaching is the easiest job on the planet, or those that think teaching is a profession of saints.  

People who don't know any teachers are usually the ones that think teachers have a pretty cushy lifestyle, while actual teachers are those that make up the latter group.  Or people that live with teachers...sometimes.

I've said many times how I've wanted to be a teacher my whole life.   Well, since I was 5 years old and first walked in to a classroom.  Ever since that day, I knew that I was destined to be a teacher.  I had received my calling.  It just took a little longer to fulfill that destiny than I had originally planned.  And, now I've just finished my second year of teaching, I think I've barely earned the right to make comments about how good teachers have it, while debunking some of the myths that are out there about teachers.

Before I actually walked in to a college classroom to start my teaching path, I "knew" five things about teachers:

1.  They only work 5 days a week from 7:30AM to 4PM

2.  They never work major holidays or weekends.

3.  They got off three whole months in the summer.

4.  They make pretty crappy money.

5.  Even though they make pretty crappy money, they still get paid to be off on holidays and during the summer.

And I bet if you ask any of those people in that first category of people that think teachers have the easiest job on the planet, they'll list off most if not all of those things on that list.  #4 might be replaced with the notion that teachers actually make pretty good money... I've heard that a few times, but most people are in agreement that teachers are not at the top of the earnings list when it comes to jobs that require a college education.

Of course, now that I am a teacher, I know that most of those things aren't true.  At all.

Here's what I NOW know about actually being a teacher, myself:

1.  In the two years that I've been teaching, I have arrived at work at 7AM and haven't left the school building before 5PM unless I had some form of appointment that I had to go to (which is about half a dozen times in those two years).  And 5PM is being reasonable.  I'd say 75% of my days were spent being at the school until AT LEAST 6PM.  I get 20 minutes for lunch, which is more like 10 minutes by the time I get my food heated up and sit down to eat.  I get a 50 minute planning period that I actually spend trying to get some work done, so that I can try to keep my head above water with the piles of paper that appear on a daily basis.  What usually happens is other people need to meet with me during that time to discuss school stuff, students, or my team is meeting to plan for the next week.

2.  Even though I'm not in my classroom on major holidays or weekends, I spend about 60% of my weekend and several holidays working.  Either writing lesson plans, grading papers, entering grades, or researching new teaching techniques and ideas.

3.  My official last day for summer break was May 27th.  I then spent May 28th and May 29th at school, volunteering my time, to help get the computer labs for summer school up and running.  I now have this week off, and then I go back on June 9th until June 27th teaching summer school.  I will go back to my classroom during the first week of August and until school starts getting my classroom ready for the new year.  By my calculations, that gives me about 5 full weeks off of work...and I guarantee  I'll spend a chunk of that time writing my units for next year.

4.  I currently make a little under $35,000 a year.  Which still ranks me below the poverty line. If I split that between 52 weeks, that's about $670 a week.  Divide that by 40 hours a week (a "typical" American work week) and that comes out to be $17 an hour.  I actually don't think that's "horrible" money, but being that I have a college degree and still make $2 less an hour than Hubby who works in a warehouse and has no college education, I don't suppose it's that great.  BUT, I could get technical and say that teachers are only "contracted" for 180 days out of the year.  So, my yearly salary divided by the 180 days comes out to be more along the lines of $24 an hour.  Much better sounding, but like I stated in #3, I work WAY more than 180 days out of the year.

5.  I don't actually get paid to be off on holidays and the summer, I get paid for 180 days worth of work, but it's stretched out and broken up over 12 months so that I have money to live off of during the time I'm not working.

So, as you can see, there's a lot more to the story than what most people think.  

Teaching is a very hard profession.  It takes motivation, willpower, patience, and dedication.  It means wearing many "hats":  Teacher, mother, father, nurse, counselor, caregiver, custodian, administrative assistant, data analyst, peace keeper, coach, social worker, and so on.   Also include student to that list, because a teacher never stops learning.

But, despite all the actual "truths" about the life of a teacher.  I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

Many teachers complain about the lifestyle.  They complain about their students, the school they work for, the pay, the constant changes to education reform.  Those complaints don't help our cause.  We get a bad rap, often by parents or people who were unfortunate enough to not have a great school experience growing up.  But, I don't suppose every single politician is corrupt, not all lawyers are in it for the money, and not all doctors are worried about insurance covering the bill.  

Judging the profession of teaching with a negative eye is like saying all Christians act like the Westboro Baptist people or all Muslims are terrorists.  Yet, unfortunately, there are people in the world that actually believe those things to be true.

Like every single race, religion, economic status, and employment pool, there are "bad eggs".  I know that there are bad teachers in the world, but I certainly wouldn't cast judgement on teachers in general because of a few bad headlines that make their way on to my news feed.  Unfortunately, the wonderful things that teachers do on a daily basis never seem to make the headlines.  That's a shame, because I know that there is plenty of news out there that would melt your heart, bring tears to your eyes, and want to make you go straight out and hug every teacher you meet if you knew ALL of the stories.

It infuriates me to no end to see people make comments about how they homeschool their children because of the horrible conditions in public schools, or people who bash their school districts left, right, and center about the teachers only caring about test scores and not giving two hoots about the actual kids.  So sad.  So not true about the profession as a whole.  I'd be willing to bet my last dollar that for every teacher that makes it in to the headline about some form of arrest, there's 1000 teachers that did something absolutely AMAZING that you'll never hear about on CNN or Fox News.

I will tell you that when I was growing up, I wanted to be a teacher so that I could teach.  Period.  That's it.  Then, when I became a mother, and actually began my journey, I wanted to become a teacher so that I could have more time with my kids, be off work more, only work the hours they were in school.  And what I've discovered is that there's SO much more to being a teacher than teaching, and I still work WAY more hours than my kids are in school.  

The teaching life isn't always perfect.  I get frustrated with rules and new laws that get passed by people who have never spent a day in the classroom.  I get frustrated with parents who don't seem to really care what I have to say, and treat me more like a babysitter than an educator.  I get frustrated when I have students who don't give a flying toot about their education and are perfectly content skating by doing the bare minimum because they are forced to show up every day, but wouldn't if they were given the choice.

But, despite all of the frustrations, there's not a single one that's enough to make me stop doing what I do.  Because, for every one frustration, there's a hundred reasons why I will never leave:  That student who needed SOMEONE to notice some potential.  That one student who celebrates understanding a concept they've spent months trying to figure out.  The student that may have no support at home, but gets every bit of support they need in my classroom.  The student who's missing a parent, and feels like that void is filled partly by being with me.  The student that has spent years being labeled "the problem child" when really, they were just bored and needed something to challenge them.  The student who cries because they have to be in my class, because I'm the "mean teacher" and then bawls like a baby on the last day of school because they just can't bare to think of being in a class without me.  The student that starts the year out speaking barely a word to ANYONE, and is then the child I laugh at everyday towards the end of the year because they are cracking jokes and constantly talking.  

And I could go on with this all day.

And do you want to hear something really funny?  The one thing that got me writing this post this morning was the pure joy I received going on a Wednesday morning at 8:30AM to do my grocery shopping.  I thought to myself in the car... this is GLORIOUS!  I am so lucky to be a teacher.  As soon as I get home, I'm going to grab a cup of coffee, sit on my patio, and blog about how lucky I am to have the best job in the world.

I had no intention to get off on the tangent I did, but that happens to me all of the time.  When I really think about the blessings in my life, I realize that there is so much more to them than I realize.  

My job has some of the most amazing perks.

It is EASY for me to get out of bed every morning and wonder what's in store for my day.

It is EASY for me to sit down on a day off and work on lesson plans and grading papers, because it's what I do.

It's EASY for me to cherish the time I do get off so that I can sit and enjoy the world around me.

It's EASY for me to put my children's lives in the hands of the teachers I work with, because I'm lucky enough to know how the teachers in my district feel about their students.

It's EASY for me to cry at the end of the year, because I'll miss my kids so much.

It's EASY for me to go back to work after 5 week off, because I'm so dang excited to meet my new kids and face the challenges of what a new year has to offer.

It's EASY for me to be a teacher.  Period.

Not always.  But most of the time.

And, knowing those things about myself make me very happy.  I am living my dream.  

Who can't be happy about that?

Do I think I'm a saint?  Heck no!!  Do I think I deserve some kind of medal for what I do?  Nope.  Do I think my job is any more important than anyone else?  Not really.

Do I think I have the absolute best job on the entire planet?  You can bet your A** I do!!

Momma Drama Update

I know what you're thinking.  Two posts in one day?  Is something wrong?  Is she making up for lost time?  Did she finally decide to start writing again?

And the answers?  Yep. Nope.  Not really.  You betcha!!

Actually I started writing the post I published earlier this morning yesterday, so I just had to finish it up this morning.  I decided that once that was finished, I needed to write more. The rain is pouring down right now, and it's the PERFECT weather to sit out on the covered patio and write.  The temperature is cool, the rain is keeping my allergies at bay, and the sound of the rain helps me focus.

I've been receiving a lot of questions over the past couple of weeks about the "incident" with my mother.  Questions about any updates, if it was the reason I quit blogging for a while, and stuff like that.  The short answer to both of those issues is nothing has changed, and no it wasn't the reason I quit blogging for a while.

But you all know me well enough by now to know that giving short answers isn't how I roll, right?

I haven't spoken a single word to my mother since the incident.  And I'm referring to the incident of Peanut's birthday, when she received a card without the normal $20 inside. My mother's reasoning behind it was that Peanut had distanced herself from her and she didn't see any reason in giving her a birthday gift when Peanut hardly spoke to her.  Peanut's reason for not speaking to my mom very much was because she was angry with my mom.  Before Christmas, Peanut had warned my mother that my youngest sister was TRYING to get pregnant, and broke my sister's trust in doing so.  It made Peanut's life miserable, especially when nothing was done with the information.  And wouldn't you know that my sister is now around 5 months pregnant.

Regardless of Peanut being mad at my mom or not, what my mother did was disgusting and it infuriated me.  Rather than trying to reach out to me or Peanut to try and reconcile the situation, she chose to practically disown her.  On her birthday.  Nice, right?

After that, I chose to take myself out of my family's life. I removed my mother, my brother, and my two sisters from my Facebook account because I was tired of the constant drama they were plastering on my Facebook wall trying to make me out to be some kind of evil villian in the situation.  Peanut also chose to do the same.  Butter felt like he was not involved and so he kept them all friends.  Which is good.  I would never and have never told my kids that they can't have a relationship with a family member, regardless of my feelings toward them.  Something that apparently wasn't instilled in to me during my own raising.

Since then, Butter has reported seeing constant posts on my mother's wall where she sends cute little messages to her TWO daughters (she gave birth to three girls).  Butter has shown me where my mother posts cute little poems and pictures about how important daughters are, yet she makes a point to only refer to my two sisters when doing so.  All very childish, and the only person seeing it all is Butter.  He is making his own consclusions of the situation.  Along with those posts are posts about how important her grandchildren are, and he makes the connection that she is only speaking of the grandchildren given to her by her other daughter and the one that's on it's way by my youngest sister.  It's very sad when my son has to see things like that, and despite my desire to tell him to delete them from his page, I refuse to make that decision for him.

One thing I have noticed since removing myself from my family is the change in my family unit.  

Pre-fight I constantly dealt with Butter being disrespectful and disobidient.  He would raise his voice to me and downright refuse to do anything I asked him to do, if he didn't want to do it.  Peanut would lock herself up in her room, and I actually considered getting her counseling because she always seemed so sad and depressed.  And that was all due to the guilt and frustration she was carrying around over my sister getting pregnant.

Since the "fight", I don't remember the last time Butter raised his voice to me.  He has helped out around the house, without being asked.  And when I do ask him, he does it without any argument.  He's loved being involved with his extra-curricular activities, his behavior in school improved, and he is a happy, respectful, obidient child.  Even on the rare occasions that he's got angry or lost his temper, he's apologized very quickly after calming himself down.

Peanut is happy.  So happy.  All of her accomplishments with giving the commencement speech at her graduation, singing the graduation song, and graduating in the top 10% of her class has put her on cloud nine.  She's excited about going off to high school, enjoying being involved in activities, and doesn't lock herself away from the world anymore.  She laughs CONSTANTLY.  In fact, I haven't seen a tear fall from her eye in sadness since all the drama occurred.

Coincidence?  Maybe.  I don't think so, though.

The only part that really hurts me is the hurt I see in the eyes of my co-worker when she hears that there has been no change in the siuation.  My co-worker lost her mother a couple of months ago, and is breaks her heart to hear that I don't have a relationship with my mother.  While I completely understand her pleas for me to reconcile, because time is short and I may never know when I will no longer be able to speak to my mom, the situation is extremely different between her and I.  

Her mother adored her.  She adored her mother.  They spent all of their spare time together.  She and her siblings and their children were the most important people in her mother's lives.  

It used to be that way with my mother and I. But is hasn't been in a very long time, and I just don't think it ever will be.  

My mother, still to this day, believes that I blame her fostering as the cause for all these issues.  That's not it.  Not all of it.  Do I think that after she became a foster parent that myself and my kids were put on the back burner?  Yes. But, that's not the entire reason I feel the way I do.  I may be selfish.  But, I don't think I should have to compete for time with my mom or that my kids should have to compete for a grandmother.  And I'm not just talking about competing with foster children.  There's so much more to it than that.

The part that really breaks my heart is the fact that I haven't seen or spoken to my dad since all of this started.  I have no idea how he feels.  I know that he absolutely ADORES my children...always has, always will.  He never treated them any differently.  Never made them feel less important.  And I know that Butter is feeling that blow more than any of us.  His granddad was always #1 in his life.  Butter worships the ground that man walks on..and rightfully so.  He was the one person that NEVER gave up on Butter during the worst of times... and it shames me to say that I'm included with that statement.  I don't know how many times I really thought there would never be any light at the end of the tunnel when it came to Butter, but my dad never gave up and stood by him every step of the way.

I have no idea what the future holds when it comes to any form of relationship with my family.  I do know that there was once a time where I couldn't go a couple of days without hearing my mom's voice, where the thought of summer meant spending time at my parents' house for barbeques and swimming, and then returning the favor when we moved in to this house last year.  But, that time is over.

What I did know is that life is very good for my family...the people living in my house.  We are happy and healthy.  We love spending time with each other, and look forward to the memories yet to be made.  I'm looking forward to a summer full of cook-outs, swimming, theme parks, lake trips, camping, canoeing, and relaxing in the comfort of our home.  

Which means plenty to write about!

And that's it for me today.  I've got plenty of stuff to keep me busy while the kids are at summer school.  So, I better get to doing it.

Have a great Monday!!

Now That's How to Kick Off Summer!!

That's a picture of the ball park where my kids play summer ball.  At 8:30 on Saturday morning.  Isn't it beautiful?  Hardly a cloud in the sky, fresh cut grass, and cleanly grated dirt.  Everything was so quiet and calm, and it made me realize that it was going to be a great day.  A day where we could soak in that summer really has started, and we were going to have some fun in the sun.

The day got underway with Butter playing the first game of the day.  The parents bustled in to the bleachers and cheered on their boys as they played a hard game.  Here's Butter going up to bat:

He loves baseball, and I'm so glad he does.  He enjoyed playing football, when he played, but I really think this boy has taken a shine to baseball and it's going to be something he sticks with in the coming years.  I love watching baseball, so I'm happy about that.

Before Butter's game was over, Jelly also had a game.  In a completely different town.  Thankfully, her coach was willing to take her for me.  Sometimes it's going to happen that all three of my kids, who play for three different teams are playing in three different towns around the same time.  It calls for a lot of planning and preparing to make sure that all kids get to where they need to be on time, and figuring out who I'm going to be watching so that I give each kid the same amount of time.  The only one that gets me at EVERY single game is Peanut, and that's because I'm her coach and don't really have any other choice in the matter.  Butter and Jelly have to share me in the event that they are playing games at the same time.  So, Jelly went off with her coach to play her game.

After Butter's game was over, it was my team's turn to play.  We had to go to yet another town.  My girls (including Peanut) played a hard game and ended up losing by one run.  That's actually a huge victory for us, because we've lost all of our game so far, by pretty significant leads.  It didn't help that we were down three players.  I only have one pitcher, right now, and so it makes it tough when she has to pitch the entire game.  She gets tired, and so towards the end of the game, things can get even harder on us.  I am so proud of how the girls played, yesterday, and I'm ready for our next game on Tuesday.

Once all the ball game fun was over, it was home for a quick shower and change so that we could head out for the end of school year party that was being hosted by one of the teachers from our school.

Some schools have an end of the year party by having a potluck on the last day of school, or maybe going out to a restaurant, but our school?  We spend the entire afternoon/evening out on the lake having an absolute BLAST.

One of the teachers is lucky enough (and I'm very jealous) to have a lake front home.  In fact, here's the view from his back patio:

It was stunning.  The lake right at his back door, equipped with boat dock, diving board, and personal yacht. Unfortunately, those clouds are exactly what they look like:  rain clouds.  Do you think that stopped us from having a blast?  Heck no!

The kids wasted no time getting in to their swimming gear and jumping in to the boat to take a cruise around the lake.  While the kids were gone, I was fixed up with a little cocktail and then sat around with everyone having a great chat.  Good times were being had by all...

All three of my kids got to have their first experience riding on a boat, Butter and Jelly had their first experience riding on a jet ski, and all three kids found out what it's like to jump off of a diving board in to a lake.  I definitely have three water babies, that's for sure.  I don't feel near as nervous for Jelly to swim in the 8ft end of our pool after watching her swim around in an open lake.

We sat outside and enjoyed each other's company until close to 10PM.  I had laughed so hard I almost cried.  It was amazing to get to spend time with my co-workers outside the confinement of the school building.  One thing I learned is that I work with people who definitely know how to have fun and let their hair down, and that they are just as amazing outside of work as they are inside of it.  Maybe a little more so?  Just kidding.  Maybe.  Finally, thinking about the hour drive I had to make home, I figured it was best to call it a night.  

Little Jelly was asleep before we ever made it off their road, Butter was asleep before we ever made it on to the highway, and Peanut stayed awake to keep me company and awake for our long drive home. I think both of us were alseep before our heads hit the pillow once we did make it home, though.

It was such a great way to spend a Saturday. 

Yesterday, I had to spend the day recouperating, because sitting outside most of the day did a number on my allergies.  I had a headache ALL day long from the coughing and wheezing I did while I was out and about.  Next time, I'm definitely going to make sure I take my inhaler with me. That might have saved me from the pain, yesterday.

Now, I'm on to a new week, new activties, and a new blog post....

School's Out For Summer!! Well...Kinda..Not Really

School is officially out.  My last day was Tuesday, but somehow I just couldn't stay away from the place until today.  A lot of that has to do with the fact that summer school started on Wednesday, and I volunteered to help out for a couple of days to make sure the computer labs were up and running so that the teachers who will be teaching the Minecraft classes for the first half of summer school were trained and ready.  I now have today and all of next week off before it's my turn to teach some summer school classes.

As you can see, it's going to be a tough week.  Sitting on my patio, enjoying the view of the pool, getting my creative juices flowing once again so that I can get this blog up and running again.  It's a hard life, but someone has to do it.  I'm kind of hoping that we can get rid of all the rain we've been having so the pool can warm up a bit so that I might be able to enjoy some pool time alone before I'm gone each day.

In addition to doing some blogging, I also have to write a 500 word essay about my teaching for entrance in to college to get my Master's.  I was supposed to have it done before school got out, but you know...with all that extra time I had on my hands... I somehow let it get away from me.  Then, once blogging and essay writing is over with, I plan on finding the books I've been waiting to read and doing exactly that.  With my feet up, a cup of coffee, and the birds chirping in the distance.

Heaven.  On Earth.

There's not many opportunities that I get to spend some time alone.  Without the kids around.  Or even Hubby for that matter.  He's here, but he's going to be sleeping or playing his video games during the day, so it won't interfere with my "alone time".  I love my kids and all the time we get to spend together, but everyone needs and deserves some time to themselves now and then.  All the kids are in summer school.  Peanut had to go because of being in show choir next year.  It helps her get ready for the transition to being a freshman, and also helps her make some new friends.  Butter and Jelly are just going because it's fun, educational, and they earn $100 for doing it.  I will get up and drive them every day in order to get them $100 each to do something fun with once summer school is over.

A week of sitting around doing absolutely nothing sounds fantastic right now, but I wonder how long it will be before I'm itching for something to do? I guess if I get bored of sitting and enjoying the peace and quiet, then there's plenty of gardening and cleaning to do.  Ugh.  Cleaning.  I'm pretty sure I will have to be desperate for something to do if that becomes an option.  But, then again, sometimes it's nice to clean house while the kids are gone and aren't messing it up as fast as it's being cleaned.

Still, though.  There's weekends for house cleaning.  Don't think I'll run out of things to do before cleaning house becomes an option.

Hopefully.

Thankfully, I'm currently taking some online work-at-my-own-pace college courses as well.  I enrolled in them for the specific purpose of having something to do while the kids were away and once summer school was over.  I somehow never get tired of learning.  And, I'm taking classes I want to take rather than classes I have to take.  That will change once I start my Master's program in August, so these college classes are really to help get me back in to school mode.  And then there's always napping.  That's another activity that can be added to the list of things to do.  And I'm pretty sure that napping will be something I can do right here on my patio, as well.

Even though it's not yet warm enough for me to get in to the pool, I can't complain about the weather too much.  It's gorgeous, actually.  It's been staying in the upper 70's to lower 80's each day, and it's rained quite a bit.  The rain has washed away some of the dust, but it's causing everything to grow at super sonic speeds.  Meaning the grass has to be mowed more often, which means more allergy problems for me.  But, while it's wet outside, Hubby can't mow, so I guess I should just enjoy the rain and coolness.

And now, with talking about all the stuff I have planned to do, I want to get to doing it.  First up?  500 word essay.  That HAS to be done ASAP.  So, I better get to getting it done if I want to do anything else, like my reading or the scheduled nap.  Can't be taking things off the schedule on day one!!

T.G.I.SUMMER is all I'm thinking right now!!

Have a great Friday, everyone!!

A Pr-Emotional Week

This past week has been a blogging DREAM, giving me so much to write about.  The problem was, though, I didn't have 5 minutes to sit down and even attempt to write something because I've been so darned busy.  So, instead, I'm going to write about it now and moving forward being that I'm almost done with school for the year.

Last week was the kids' last week of school. With the last week of school comes promotions.  Specifically kindergarten promotion and 8th grade promotion.  And, I was lucky enough to have two children that were participating in one or the other.

Jelly officially graduated from kindergarten.  My baby girl is now going to be a 1st grader.  The event was very cute.  Hubby, P-Momma, and I met at her school to watch the short assembly.  Jelly was so excited to have her Mommy, Daddy, and Grammy at the event.

Waiting for the ceremony to begin

Happy girl with Daddy and Grammy

So proud of my little graduate

Best friends for life

Our sweet girl with Mommy & Daddy

Once that was over, it was back to work for me.  Until the end of the day, when it was time to prepare for the "BIG" event.  The events of events.  The biggest ceremony of the year:  8th grade promotion.

It is the prom of ceremonies for the 8th graders.  Girls spend tons of money on hair, nails, and dresses.  Guys get dressed up in tuxes and spit shined shoes.  Hours are put in, practicing, to make sure the event goes without a hitch.  It's been a year in the making for the day to finally arrive, and when it did, I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.  My baby girl was moving up in to high school, and the school made sure that the kids got the biggest of send-offs.

And the best way to explain the wonderful night is through the pictures...

There was the breakfast that was put on for the 8th graders by the local Methodist church...

Peanut helping herself to the yummy food

Peanut and her BBF (boy best friend)

Then there was getting the hair and make up done for the big night...

Hair's done

It was absolutely beautiful

Side view

After make-up had been applied

Then came putting on her dress.  It was so hard not to cry seeing her so dressed up...

Isn't she absolutely STUNNING?

Before the actual ceremony, the kids were invited to a pre-promotion reception.  All the kids were treated to cupcakes and apple cider.  No parents or families were allowed in to the reception room, but being a teacher in the school helps get some rules bent.  I was allowed in for a couple of minutes to shoot a couple of pics...

After the reception, it was time to get the show on the road.  The kids filed in to the gym to the graduation processional music.  They all looked very spiffy and professional in their graduation gowns.  The ceremony kicked off with recognizing some of the accolades of some of the students.  With each recognition that was given, it made me tear up to see Peanut stand.  She had been one of twelve students to take the high school Algebra class, and then made an advanced score on the final test.  She also ranked in the top 10% of her 8th grade class, which was one out of seven from the seventy students in her class.  An honor that earned her honor cords to wear over her robe.

Another honor that Peanut was given was the chance to sing the dedicated graduation song with one of her best friends, while another friend accompanied them on the guitar.  

If ranking in the top 10 percent of her class, receiving advanced in a high school level class, and getting to sing the graduation song wasn't enough, Peanut also got to do one of the highest honors of 8th grade promotion:  Give the commencement speech.

Now, in years past, the recognition/commencement speech was given by the class' valedictorian.  But, last year, the county decided to no longer have a valedictorian.  So, this year, the opportunity to give the speech was opened up to all 8th graders who wanted to give the speech.  The interested students had to write a speech and then it was selected by a panel of judges.  Peanut's speech was selected, and she couldn't have been more happy.  It's something she'd talked about doing since the beginning of 7th grade.  

She did an absolutely AMAZING job with the speech...

After the speech, it was time for the reading of the names.  I couldn't have been more proud to watch my little girl walk across the stage to receive her diploma...

It was such an emotional night, and I couldn't have been more proud.  Her father and I, along with Grammy, Jelly and Butter all sat in the bleachers cheering her on.  I cried like a little baby as I thought about how in just 4 short years, we'll be doing this all over again.  Except, next time, she won't be moving on to another grade, she'll be graduating from high school.  

I cried thinking about how she won't pop in to my classroom at some point throughout the day to tell me something, ask me something, or just to say hi.  She won't be in the same school with me anymore.

After the ceremony, we took some time taking some pictures...

Peanut and her very special teacher.  Peanut absolutely adores her.

A quick pic with Momma

Peanut with one of her friends

The girls.. missing one 

The whole gang... LOVE all of these girls

The line seems to keep getting bigger

Such a cute pic of Peanut and one of her guy friends

After all of these pics, don't you know we didn't get a SINGLE pic of her and the family.  I managed to get a picture with her, but we missed out on pictures with Dad, Grammy, and little brother and sister.  It makes me so sad that we didn't get those pictures.

The night did end with one spectacular photo, and that was of Peanut receiving her graduation gift from Grammy.  It was quite the set-up situation.  Grammy gave her a card that contained a pass card to the aquatic center.  Peanut was given the choice to trade that gift in for another gift that was located in the trunk of Grammy's car.  Peanut, after some serious deliberation, decided to make the trade.  And then this happened....

A NEW LAPTOP!!!

What a priceless photo.  I was so happy for her, as it's something she's been wanting for a very long time.  It was the perfect way to end a perfect evening.

The following day, I spent almost all day in tears.  It was so hard to think about it being the last day my little girl would be in the same building with me.  She is now a freshman in high school.  She will be riding to school with me each day, jumping on a bus, and riding to the high school.

And next year, I'll be doing it all over again when Butter goes through 8th grade promotion.

Tomorrow is my last day of work before my summer starts.  I have a lot of work to do in my classroom, but I'm ready for the summer to begin.  I'll be teaching summer school in a couple of weeks, but between now and then I plan on getting some serious R&R.

I also plan on spending some time blogging more.  I'll have a lot more time, now, to write more and that's something I am very excited about.  I've missed blogging.  I've missed sharing what's going on in my life.  And now that the summer is starting, I'll have plenty to talk about.