This is a public service announcement - mainly for any men that may be crazy enough to read my blog. As a part of my true confessions, I will be discussing an issue that is of the "womanly" nature- and may cause moments of dry gagging, nausea, and possibly vomiting. It is gross. You have been warned. Ladies, I would advise that you not read this post while eating.
I confess that I have had a rough weekend in regards to food. I've overeaten...a lot. That includes breakfast buffet at Golden Corral Saturday morning, Domino's for dinner Saturday night, and BBQ steak, ribs, and potato salad last night. That's not even all of it. It was a BAD weekend.
I confess that Friday night, I had WAY too many alcoholic beverages...made with Monster Energy Drink. Do you know how much crap there is in Monster? A LOT of crap. I had a good time, but boy did I regret it the next morning to see the 3 empty cans of Monster...and then looking at the nutritional information.
I confess that I have given up on boot camp. Given up are strong words, and not entirely true. I, actually, decided that I wanted to use my EA Active Trainer work-outs and Supreme 90 Day instead.
I confess that with all of the 4th festivities I attended yesterday - I did not work-out. I had planned on it, because it was raining when I got up...which I thought would put a damper on the day's plans. The rain stopped - the weather was beautiful - we headed out before any more rain came back. It didn't take long for the weather to go from a beautiful 75 degrees up to 90...so then I was walking around a park in 90 degree weather. Not great exercise...but better than nothing.
OK, that's the worst of my sins for the week. They are bad..yes. Embarrassingly bad. Wrote them down - time to move on, right? Well....there's something else I need to get off my chest.
This is the part where the warning comes in, fellas. Hopefully my gals won't be as grossed out - if you are, I'm sorry.... but...well...I need to discuss it...
I confess that last night I almost had a complete panic attack - after my Mirena birth control implant fell out!!! Did you read that? Yes, my birth control IMPLANT. fell. out!!
All day, I'd been feeling a little crampy. Aunt Flo had made her appearance bright and early yesterday morning. I don't usually suffer from cramps - so I was a little concerned... but put it down to not eating well all weekend and being a tad on the constipated side (that's not even the gross part...just an added bonus, you're welcome). Last night, I took the kiddos to watch fireworks, and the whole time I was there I felt like my va-jay-jay was being prodded with a poker - the hot, fiery, burn a sign on an animal kind.
When I got home, I went to use the bathroom, and found that the wires attached to the Mirena were completely on the outside... that's not supposed to happen. I gave them a small tug - and then out it came. The implant. Hey - I told you this was gross...commence dry gaging.
For those of you that are not familiar with Mirena. It's a CERVICAL implant - meaning it's inserted into your cervix - and is supposed to provide birth control protection for 5 years. I've had mine for 3. The fact that something that was embedded into my cervix fell out freaked me out. What if I tore a huge hole in my cervix? The cramping and pain that came after did not help my fears, either. I was in quite a bit of pain for several hours after.
I immediately went to my informational source for all things - the Internet. I was SHOCKED at how many reports I read about the implants just falling out of people. Luckily, I read from several health professionals that it is quite common for the implant to become dislodged - and to fall out. It is also common to have some mild pain after. Information that would have been nice to have 3 years ago - but thank goodness for the world wide web.
While reading all of the information, I also came across a lot of other information that I found quite interesting. The fact that improper insertion or dislodging of the Mirena can cause headaches, bloating, and a hard time losing weight. There is weight gain associated with Mirena - and A LOT of people report having splurges of overeating when Aunt Flo visits - much more than what they would describe as "normal" cravings associated with the evil witch. A couple of doctors reported that a lot of women have gone months with a dislodged implant before it finally falls out, and symptoms during that time are at a hightened state.
I'm not sure if I can now say that explains my always wanting to eat a whole cow each time Aunt Flo visits or why I've had such a hard time losing weight the past couple of months... but it is something to think about. When I really think about it, my Aunt Flo visits have been so sporadic and a little painful the past couple of months - but I didn't think much about it.
I do know that up until a few months ago, nobody could detect that I was carrying Aunt Flo around with me. There was no "well, she must be PMSing"... nope. I was the normal, snappy, cheerful, crazy bitch I always was - with or without her. Since about April - that has changed. I got very tired when she visited, had a constant headache the whole time she was here...and eat? Holy cowboys - I'd eat everything and anything in sight. There was no chocolatey or salty preference - I was just constantly hungry, and constantly feeding my face.
Now it's gone. My birth control blanket. Now, I have to make an appointment to go and get on the pill because the Mirena was a one time deal. I'm curious to see how my body changes without it. Will I have an easier time shedding the weight now? Was that implant causing some form of crazy, hormonal issue with my losing weight - or is it just an excuse for the lack I've been giving? Probably the latter - but I guess we shall see.
Are there any ladies that have had issues with Mirena - or heard about any? I'd be interested to hear from you about it.... you can email me, if you don't want to talk about it in the comments section.
Alright - I'm done. You may proceed with life - hopefully not too tortured from what you just read.
Till next time. ;)
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