I think that I have lived a good life. I've worked hard. I've supported my family. I've helped people when asked, and sometimes without being asked. I'm kind. I'm caring. I am not rich, but I have been blessed - and so I feel it only right to give to those in need. I respect all religions. I do not judge others based on their skin color, beliefs, or sexual preference.
Nobody is perfect, however.
I've had my share of doing things I'm not exactly proud of. I've let words slip from my mouth about people - that was not in the best taste. I have felt jealousy and anger. I have judged people based on their personalities or appearances.
I am not proud to admit those things, but I am also not going to sit here and pretend that I'm the only one. I know/ have known people that do much, much worse things. When going tit for tat - I believe, in my heart, that the good definitely out weighs the bad. I feel guilt and remorse for the things I am not proud of, and try my best to make up for any wrong doing.
I can't sit here and say that I've had the perfect life - far from it - yet, I'm not going to sit here and say that my life has been terrible, either. I have a great family, people that love and care for me, and amazing children. There have been lots of issues in my life, yet I chose to deal with those issues head on - and use them to make me a stronger, better person. I don't like to dwell...not saying that I don't do it..just that I don't like to.
So, it all brings me back to now. Who I am this very second?
Anyone that knows me, and have known me for a very long time will tell you that there is only one thing that my heart craves more than anything.... to teach. They will share with you the stories of playing a teacher in childhood, talking about being a teacher in adulthood. Any person who has known me at any amount of time, and has ever taken a second to ask me what I want to do with my life will give you the same answer: She wants to be a teacher, always has. Wouldn't matter if they've known me my whole life or three weeks....they know that answer because I've always responded to the question the same way.
Jumping the tracks a little here, I often wonder about things such as destiny, fate, and Karma. Is there a plan for all of us? Are we led to the paths that we choose? Are our decisions that we make in life our own decisions or the decisions of some higher power...formulated, planned, decided?
There have been times in my life that have made me wonder about these things. Situations such as...
- Not having enough money to pay a bill, and then getting the offer to do some over-time.
- Trying for years to find "the perfect man" to then give up, and BAM he shows up after I stop looking.
- Worrying how I'm going to handle working a year long internship that starts before Hubby gets off work, to have a daycare reach out to me and offer their services for next to nothing.
When I take a good, hard look at my life... I've always come out on top.
- I got out of an abusive relationship when I lived in the middle of nowhere and knew no one. Somehow, I found help - and help came.
- I spent four years of my life working my behind off to keep food on the table and a roof over the heads of my children, even though I spent many nights wondering how on Earth I was going to make it to the next paycheck... I always did.
- I spent the same four years of my life believing that I was destined to be alone - there wasn't a man out there for me....and you all know how that story ends.
- No matter what breaks down or stops running....somehow, we find a way to fix it.
- When we were on the verge of being homeless - but said nothing to anyone - Hubby's parents offered us their house...they didn't know about our struggles.
- When I thought there was no way I'd ever have the means to go to college and pursue my dream career, I found a job with a boss that pushed me every day and helped me find a way to go to school.
- When I thought the demands of school were too much for my family, they stood by me, sacrificed, and supported me. I made it through.
It's funny, but something happened even as I wrote this post.
When I first started writing this post, I started whining and complaining about some of the words of encouragement I've received. Statements such as "You'll end up where you're supposed to be". I actually started complaining about not knowing what is to come of me...then I started writing about how I've made it out of the worst situations and felt compelled to delete all of the negativity.
I know that I'm rambling on and on... but my blog has also gotten me through some tough times.
When I didn't think it was possible for me to ever lose weight - I start a blog, and end up getting rid of 80lbs.
People reading my blog gave me the means to try new products, attend boot camp, and help support me through my journey.
My blog is my connection to my frustrations, my struggles...my accomplishments, and my victories.
Does it all make sense? To me it does, but to you? Well, hopefully.
Maybe there is such a thing as destiny, fate, and Karma...and this is all apart of their plan. I am supposed to find the light in the darkness. I am supposed to accept defeat before I can claim victory. I am supposed to struggle and feel lost before I find what I'm looking for.
If that's what it is... I'm getting the message, Destiny, Fate, and Karma.... I'm starting to understand where this is going....now, can you help a girl out?
Do you believe in destiny, fate or Karma? Have you had situations in your life that turned around unexpectedly? I'd love to hear about them.
Till next time. ;)
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter