Sunday, July 31, 2011

Destiny? Fate? Karma? Who Decides What?

Sorry, folks.  It's going to be another off the wall post about my life...the job hunting saga continues.  That's your forewarning.

I think that I have lived a good life.  I've worked hard.  I've supported my family.  I've helped people when asked, and sometimes without being asked.  I'm kind.  I'm caring.  I am not rich, but I have been blessed - and so I feel it only right to give to those in need.  I respect all religions.  I do not judge others based on their skin color, beliefs, or sexual preference.

Nobody is perfect, however.

I've had my share of doing things I'm not exactly proud of.  I've let words slip from my mouth about people - that was not in the best taste.  I have felt jealousy and anger.  I have judged people based on their personalities or appearances. 

I am not proud to admit those things, but I am also not going to sit here and pretend that I'm the only one.  I know/ have known people that do much, much worse things.  When going tit for tat - I believe, in my heart, that the good definitely out weighs the bad.  I feel guilt and remorse for the things I am not proud of, and try my best to make up for any wrong doing.

I can't sit here and say that I've had the perfect life - far from it - yet, I'm not going to sit here and say that my life has been terrible, either.  I have a great family, people that love and care for me, and amazing children.  There have been lots of issues in my life, yet I chose to deal with those issues head on - and use them to make me a stronger, better person.  I don't like to dwell...not saying that I don't do it..just that I don't like to.

So, it all brings me back to now.  Who I am this very second?

Anyone that knows me, and have known me for a very long time will tell you that there is only one thing that my heart craves more than anything.... to teach.  They will share with you the stories of playing a teacher in childhood, talking about being a teacher in adulthood.  Any person who has known me at any amount of time, and has ever taken a second to ask me what I want to do with my life will give you the same answer:  She wants to be a teacher, always has.  Wouldn't matter if they've known me my whole life or three weeks....they know that answer because I've always responded to the question the same way.

Jumping the tracks a little here, I often wonder about things such as destiny, fate, and Karma.  Is there a plan for all of us?  Are we led to the paths that we choose?  Are our decisions that we make in life our own decisions or the decisions of some higher power...formulated, planned, decided?

There have been times in my life that have made me wonder about these things.  Situations such as...
  • Not having enough money to pay a bill, and then getting the offer to do some over-time. 
  • Trying for years to find "the perfect man" to then give up, and BAM he shows up after I stop looking. 
  • Worrying how I'm going to handle working a year long internship that starts before Hubby gets off work, to have a daycare reach out to me and offer their services for next to nothing. 
There have been the back-lashes too.  Getting some extra, unexpected money and wasting it...only to have my car break down right after quickly comes to mind.

When I take a good, hard look at my life... I've always come out on top. 
  • I got out of an abusive relationship when I lived in the middle of nowhere and knew no one.  Somehow, I found help - and help came. 
  • I spent four years of my life working my behind off to keep food on the table and a roof over the heads of my children, even though I spent many nights wondering how on Earth I was going to make it to the next paycheck... I always did. 
  • I spent the same four years of my life believing that I was destined to be alone - there wasn't a man out there for me....and you all know how that story ends.
  • No matter what breaks down or stops running....somehow, we find a way to fix it.
  • When we were on the verge of being homeless - but said nothing to anyone - Hubby's parents offered us their house...they didn't know about our struggles.
  • When I thought there was no way I'd ever have the means to go to college and pursue my dream career, I found a job with a boss that pushed me every day and helped me find a way to go to school.
  • When I thought the demands of school were too much for my family, they stood by me, sacrificed, and supported me.  I made it through.
Has it all been the workings of destiny, fate, or Karma? 

It's funny, but something happened even as I wrote this post.

When I first started writing this post, I started whining and complaining about some of the words of encouragement I've received.  Statements such as "You'll end up where you're supposed to be".  I actually started complaining about not knowing what is to come of me...then I started writing about how I've made it out of the worst situations and felt compelled to delete all of the negativity.

I know that I'm rambling on and on... but my blog has also gotten me through some tough times.

When I didn't think it was possible for me to ever lose weight - I start a blog, and end up getting rid of 80lbs.

People reading my blog gave me the means to try new products, attend boot camp, and help support me through my journey.

My blog is my connection to my frustrations, my accomplishments, and my victories.

Does it all make sense?  To me it does, but to you?  Well, hopefully.

Maybe there is such a thing as destiny, fate, and Karma...and this is all apart of their plan.  I am supposed to find the light in the darkness.  I am supposed to accept defeat before I can claim victory.  I am supposed to struggle and feel lost before I find what I'm looking for.

If that's what it is... I'm getting the message, Destiny, Fate, and Karma.... I'm starting to understand where this is, can you help a girl out?

Do you believe in destiny, fate or Karma?  Have you had situations in your life that turned around unexpectedly?  I'd love to hear about them.

Till next time.  ;)
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  1. Great post... It's always easier to look back on things and see how they worked out than to visualize them working out while you are in the midst of it. I am a HUGE worry-wart. I worry about EVERYTHING and I get myself really worked up about things that I usually have no control over. I try my best to take an "it'll all work out in the end" approach to things but my controlling, OCD nature does not make this easy. But then, somehow, things do work out in the end. DId they work out because I stressed over them so much? Because I worked my butt off to make it through it? Or did it work out because despite my attempt at controlling everything, I really had no control over any of it, and some higher power took care of it for me? Probably I'll never know. And I'm sure I'll continue to stress and worry over things. But I will take baby steps to try and not give it so much thought because really, life is too darn short.

  2. I love your point of view on this. I definitely believe it's a mixture of stress, working your butt off, and maybe a higher power causing things to happen.

    I don't believe if I sit back and do nothing, good things will come my way - I have to work for them, prove that I'm worthy of the reward. That make sense?

    I won't stop worrying, either... it's just who we are.. LOL

  3. Well....this one was a doozy. In a good way. Sometimes our similarities are the way of some of the kharma-like things you speak of. Have you ever read The Secret? It's that whole what you put out - you get back. For me - it's been the same...big bill comes and then bam - a refund I wasn't expecting comes in the mail. Or something like that. It ALWAYS works out to the point where my siblings have called me lucky and I don't believe in luck. Joanna - knowing you how I do - even just in blogland - I know that in your heart you know you're being taught something right now and that you know there is a plan and that you know you'll be alright. I know this about you in that.

  4. It makes perfect sense, believe me. I think you and I are alot alike.


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