This month was supposed to be the month I've been waiting my whole life for.
This was supposed to be the month where my life long dream came true.
It hasn't. But I still have 31 days left, right?
Four years, seven months, and twenty three days ago I walked in to the first day that was supposed to be the beginning of the rest of my life. It was the first day of my college career. Finally, after twenty years of dreaming about it, I was finally pursuing that dream to become a teacher.
The next four years were, by far, the most challenging and difficult years of my life. I held down a job. I studied every spare second I had. I took care of my children. I attended classes and worked during another pregnancy. I had my third child, but didn't miss a beat. I kept on, worked hard, and walked across a stage four years later with my degree.
I know that I wouldn't have gotten through those four years without one very important aspect: Patience.
Every day, I wished that the four years were over...I wished that I could just get out there and spread my wings....I wished that the day came where I walked in to my own classroom and changed the lives of the children that walked through it's door.
But I had to have patience.
Now, the four years are over....and the last three months have been a blur. They've gone by so quickly that I feel like the days are all meshed together. Where did the time go?
The last four years have built up to this month. This was going to be the month where all of the hard work paid off....the sleepless nights, the studying, the projects, the reading.... it was all in preparation for what was to come this month.
Now the month is here, and it's not how I planned.
There is no job. There is no classroom. There are no children looking to me for guidance, to teach them, to care for them, and to show them the enjoyment of school.
So, what am I left with?
I am left with the one thing that has gotten me to where I am today. Helped me get through life and school and work....Patience.
Every month for the past several months, I've adopted a monthly mantra to help me focus on my weight loss. This month is different. My mantra this month is to help keep me grounded. It's to stop me from going insane (even more than I already am). It's to remind me that I can't force anything... I have no control on an outcome....that I must trust in my diligence, and finding that one person who will open up the door for me.
You know all this stuff though, right? I've said it over and over and over and over and....well, you get it.
I saw this picture this morning and it made me laugh. I'm that black cat, waiting, hoping, that eventually a mouse will stick it's head out....and I can grab it up.
As I adopt this new mantra for myself, I'm also going to throw it out to you all. Please have patience with me. I know that I've turned in to this deep, dark, whiny, boring, tittie baby.... but I'm trying. I'm trying to stay positive, I'm trying to keep a light glowing in my darkness, and asking all of you to stick by me...have some patience.
It's Monday. It's the beginning of a new week, and the beginning of a new month. What's in store for me? Only time will tell. I can tell you, though, that this week I'm going to try and hold off on the job hunting talk...unless, of course, I actually get a job...then deal's off.
In fact, I'm actually going to try and get back to some weight loss stuff. The weather forecast says that every day this week it's going to be at least 102 degrees. UGH!! I'd give anything to go for a run... but I'm not going to run when it's that hot. I can't. Well, I could - but I won't. It's just too dang hot for me. Call me weak, but I just can't hack the thickness in the air...the humidity. It's awful - and I wish it would hurry up and go away!!
Alright, I'm tired of complaining.
Patience..... this will be my hardest mantra, yet... I know it.
Till next time. ;)
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