Before I start, let me just put some minds to ease. If you read my post from yesterday, and are now wondering what happened to it - I took it down. It wasn't because of what anybody said in the comments. I just had a niggly feeling all day after it being there, and I just couldn't shake that feeling. I thought it to be in my best interests to take it down. It had served it's purpose, I got some great feedback, and now I can move on.
So, it's Sunday. Not just any Sunday, though... it's the last Sunday before I step out into the world of going to work. Even though there will be no children or classroom for a while.... I have lots of training and meetings to get under my belt.
I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm nervous...wait, I already said that. I am, though...really nervous and scared. It's so hard starting a new job when I haven't met anyone that I'm going to be working with...not even my new boss!! I was hired by the head office, and still have yet to speak to the director of the building I've been assigned to.
I wish I could be more excited than I am... but maybe that will come once I actually get in there and start working. My head is still frazzled and fried from recent events - and my dreams at night are still filled with welcoming students into a classroom (like at a 3rd grade level).
One thing that it's no use in denying - Pre-K scares the heeby jeebies out of me. Anyone that knows me personally, or has been reading my blog since I was in school knows my feelings on this grade level. I'm not against it - I don't hate it....it just scares me and I have never thought of myself as "Pre-K teacher material". People that know me or have worked with me would also probably agree.
My teaching style has a lot to do with that. I'm a tough cookie. Firm but fair. I try to instill organization and cooperation into my students...not sure how that's going to fly with 3 year olds. Wait, yes I do....it won't fly.
Three year olds live in their own little bubbles. In their minds, the world revolves around them. They need freedom, and choice, and to be reassured every 3 minutes that everything is OK and just because little Johnny wants to play with the same toys doesn't mean that Johnny is trying to steal the toy and that two kids can play together nicely and hitting is not the answer to solving problems - and neither is crying.
Yep - I'm petrified.
I spent the last four years writing lesson plans and preparing classroom management ideas and coming up with units for a classroom for kids aged between 5 and 8. That's not even including the plans that I had to do for college classes - it was something I did in my spare time. It was a hobby.
Now, I feel lost and clueless.
If you could see my home office right now, you'd see what my life is like outside of school. My desk is full of student work given to me during my internship. I have letters from students, and pictures of them. I have a stack of teacher resource books with cute color coded sticky labels that I've prepared over the summer. I'm surrounded by bookshelves full to the brim of books recommended for any classroom K-4. I have file boxes neatly organized into grade level and subject. I have bulletin board displays organized and stuffed behind any flat surface that will hold them. I still have stuff in the trunk of my car, yet to be sorted... because I'm just running out of room.
But all of that stuff will stay there, for yet another year. Maybe not the stuff in the trunk, pretty sure Hubby would have a problem with that stuff staying there for a year.
I know, this doesn't exactly sound all cheery and excited, does it?
I'm not trying to sound gloomy - just being honest. I know who I am as a teacher. I'm pretty sure I scared the living crap out of my students the first few weeks I was with them in my internship placements... but you know what? I'm pretty sure that at the end of each of my placements - they all loved me as much as I loved them. I know that because there were tears when I had to leave. There was anger when I had to leave (not from me). There were letters upon letters about how much they would miss me and how much they enjoyed me teaching them. I was tough, but those sweet kiddos realized what I was doing, they understood my actions, they grew to respect it and embrace it.
I'm sure that teaching Pre-K will be the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm going to have to abandon everything I know about myself and mold myself into something different. It's a step I'm willing to take - but I don't want to lose the me that I'm comfortable with. I will be the best Pre-K teacher I can be. I will try everything in my power to support those little ones, help them, and guide them.
Like always, I will put in my best effort. However, I'm not going to pretend that I will give up on wanting to be in an elementary school. I'm sure I'll still dream about it every night. I'm sure I'll still find myself planning lessons and activities for a higher age group in my spare time.
Until that day comes, however, starting tomorrow I become a Pre-K teacher. I am ready for the challenge.
Till next time. ;)
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