Monday, August 13, 2012

I'm the Momma!

Yesterday was a not so great day.  Which really stinks, because it was supposed to be a really fun day.  But, I let my temper get the best of me... for the first time in a very long time.

I didn't yell or scream... that's not how I "do" anger.  No.  I pout, give the silent treatment.  You know, act like a real grown up.

Yesterday, I decided it would be nice to take Peanut out to do some back to school clothes shopping.  She's been holding on to two gift cards from her birthday - and had a hard time deciding what to spend them on.  The child never wants for anything - but I suggested she use the cards to get her some new clothes for school.  She thought it was a good idea.  So, all of us - minus Butter who comes home from my parent's house tonight - went out for some shopping.  His turn for clothes shopping is next weekend.

Peanut reminds me of me a couple of years ago when I loathed clothes shopping.  I'd of rather poke my eyes out with spoons than ever go clothes shopping.  I just didn't have fun with it.  But, I had a valid reason... it was really hard for me to buy clothes.  I had to shop in specialty stores or in the plus size sections that offered me an array of elasticated waist bands and frumpy, floral patterned shirts.  I didn't like either.  Still don't.

Now?  I don't mind clothes shopping.  I've put on a lot of weight, so my clothes - once again - come from the plus size sections.  But at least a lot of the plus size departments have upped their game in terms of offering more fashion conscious clothes for us bigger ladies.

Which really has nothing to do with yesterday - because I wasn't the one buying clothes.

Anywho, Peanut... not a big fan of clothes shopping.  She had a few things she wanted - jeans and graphic tees.  The normal list for kids her age, I suppose.

We hit Old Navy first.  She had a $20 gift card, and realized pretty quickly that $20 in Old Navy doesn't stretch very far.  She did manage to get 3 shirts...with a little help from me.  I also found a cute dress on clearance - so I was excited, too.

Then, it was on to the other store she had a gift card for - Wal-Mart.  I remember being her age and clothes shopping at Wal-Mart.  I hated it!  Not because I hated clothes shopping... no, because shopping at Wal-Mart wasn't "cool".  Kids made fun of other kids who didn't shop at the mall for their clothes.  Thank goodness times have changed on that one, too.  For the most part.

I found some jeans in the style that Peanut wanted and she tried them on.  Because she only had $20 on that gift card, too, I offered to buy a pair of jeans and a graphic tee for her...and she could buy a pair of jeans and a graphic tee (that $20 still wasn't enough for, but I would cover that as well). 

So, everyone was happy, Peanut had what she wanted...and there were just a couple of other things that needed to be picked up before heading home.  We walked through the shoe department and I saw a pair of zebra striped slippers.  I have developed a new love for zebra stripes.  I don't know why - but I absolutely LOVE anything with zebra stripes.  It's become my new "thing".  So, I just had to have them.  I don't care that it's still 90 degrees outside... winter will arrive eventually...and they were $5. 

But then, something happened. Something that made me see red and bring on the anger.  Peanut told me - in her "I'm the boss" attitude - I couldn't get the slippers because I was "wasting money" and she was tired of hearing me complain about being broke.  WHAT THE WHAT???   Excuse me?

Let me get one thing straight here for just a second...shall we?  I am not rich by any means.  But, we have a good budget system in my house.  Each month, my bills are the first thing to be paid.  I pay off my one credit card EVERY month.  I take out money for gas and essentials.  Some months there's a little more left over than others.  But one thing I do know is that nobody in this house every wants for anything.  And one thing I don't do is always complain that I'm broke and then waste money.  I may suggest that we have to hold off on some things until the next pay check... or refuse to buy something because the money isn't in the budget... or make statements about how I can't wait for pay day.  But complain?  No.  Absolutely not.  And definitely not to the children.

So, you can imagine how flabbergasted I was about my 12 year old child standing in Wal-Mart telling me I couldn't buy something because it would be wasting money.  I didn't hear her making those statements when I offered to buy her an extra outfit, or when I offered to cover the extra at Old Navy... no, it was when I wanted something small for myself. 

And then I did what any other adult would do in that situation - I threw the slippers back on the shelf and stormed off.  That is what other people would do, right?  NO?  Oh.  Well.  That's what I did.

I think what made me even more angry is the fact that Hubby didn't say anything.  I don't expect Hubby to get involved when I get in to little, pointless arguments with the kids.  But, this was different.  I think it's inappropriate for our child to be telling me what I can and can't spend money on.  I think it's inappropriate that she made claims of me complaining we are always broke.  I think the tone she used with me was inappropriate.  But, he just stood there...with nothing.  And in my mind that translated to him agreeing with her.  Which, as you can imagine, made it so much better. 

The ride home and the rest of the day were awkward.  I didn't want to talk to anyone.  In fact, I still haven't spoken to anyone - except Jelly.  I'm upset.  I feel a little betrayed.  And I needed some time to cool off, I suppose. 

When I get home tonight, I plan on having a talk with both Hubby and Peanut.  They need to know how I felt - and why I got so angry.  Therapy Dude would probably have a fit with this one.  He has a strong motto about not letting the sun set on problems... and I broke that rule.  But, I don't plan on letting this incident go, either.  It's important that we talk it out... and that's what we'll do. 

But, now, I have to go get Jelly ready for school...and me ready for work.

Till next time.  ;)
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  1. I can see why that would be so hurtful. There was so much judgement in that statement. Glad you're going to say something this evening. And then you go back and buy those slippers!!!!! Sounds like boundaries need to be set before the teen years set in! LOL! I did that with Dakota long before he turned 13. We're not playing the "he's such a teenager" game in this house!

    1. It's weird, because it's not the first time she's spoken to me that way - but it was worse this time... probably because of what it was about. I've always tried so hard so that my kids don't ever have to worry about "grown up" things like money - that it hit a nerve when she said what she did.

      And I honestly believe that she doesn't realize the impact she made with her words. She seemed genuinely shocked last night when I said something - like she had no idea I was so upset about it. Like you said, though, some boundaries have to be instilled - I'm the momma, the provider, and the care-giver. There are times when it's OK for her to step in as a back-up to those jobs, but there are times when it's definitely NOT OK.

  2. Aw, sorry you had such a bum shopping day with your fam.

    Sounds to me like maybe Peanut was little frustrated about having to deal with the constraints of gift cards (both the $$ limit & the places in which she could shop)and took it out on you. Because that's what pre-teen girls do. They get pissy and take it out on their moms, (I was an expert at that from 12-18 yrs old)using any weakness I detected in my mother against her.

    I can totally see my husband being silent in that situation, too. Normally it's because A) He's not paying attention or B) he doesn't want to be the bad guy. Neither reason in acceptable in my book and I usually force him to get involved to back me up.

    After a crappy day like that, sometimes I do the same thing as you. Put an invisible "do not disturb" sign on my door and tell everyone to leave the heck alone. Usually I feel better after some time to myself. :)

    have a good day at work!

    1. I can understand that, and it's the main reason I offered to supplement the gift cards. I often forget how quickly she's growing up - and I suppose it catches me off guard sometimes.

      I definitely think the Hubby factor came down to him not wanting to be the bad guy, or get involved. I suppose I can't really fault him for it - but a bit of support would have gone a long way...even if it was just a reminder from him that she needs to not talk to me that way. It's absolutely something we'll be talking about.

  3. Lots of action words here. Reaction ... Acting On ... Over Reacting. You'll figure it out.

    1. Thanks, Mensa. You're right - LOTS of action words. One action that I need to do more is "appropriately react". The situation should have been dealt with right there on the spot - but I'm also a person that can't resolve anything when I'm so upset. I needed some time to cool down, clear my head... so now I can talk to both her and Hubby about why I got so upset.


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