Sunday, August 12, 2012

Weigh In Day...The Pain of a Gain

It sure has been a busy week.  Got Jelly started at preschool, had my last therapy session with Therapy Dude, completed my first day of work, pretty much finished up my classroom, and last night I attended a back to school block party hosted by my school district.  Fun times!

It almost doesn't seem possible that it's Sunday again already.  This week has flown by in the blink of an eye, that's for sure.  My summer is officially over.  I'm back to work, back to the hustle and bustle, but still have two days until I get to meet my kiddos.

With all the fun, games, and crazy that have happened this week - I'm not too surprised that I saw a gain on the scale this morning.  This is the first gain in five weeks, and it's not a "major" gain... but any gain is bad.  The scale said 251lbs this morning... meaning I've gained 1.6lbs this week.  A little over a pound and a half.  OK, so maybe that is a major gain.

The gain could be from a number of factors - like the two hot dogs I ate at the block party last night, the lack of water I've drank in the past two days, Aunt Flo being here, etc.  But it's more probably due to the fact that I haven't spent any time thinking about my weight loss at all this week.  I haven't eaten bad - except for last night - but I haven't exercised or eaten consistently, either.  I will admit that I've had a couple of days where time got the best of me and before I knew it I realized that it was dinner time - and I hadn't eaten all day.  Or, I eat breakfast and then don't eat again until dinner time.  Or, I skip breakfast, eat a big lunch, and then hardly eat anything else for the rest of the day.  Which, pretty much, it's been one of those three options all week.  So, it's not that I've overeaten, I just haven't eaten consistently enough.

I feel pretty ashamed that, after today's weigh-in, I've only lost 3.6lbs in the past 5 weeks.  That's pretty pathetic.  I really planned on starting my school year having shed at least 10lbs in that amount of time.  I only made it a third of the way to my short term goal.  That stinks!  I just know that there's no way I'm going to be able to get down to 214lbs by October 8th, now... but I'm going to keep trekking and hoping to get as close as possible. 

It also appears that our heat wave may be over, finally!  The temps over the next ten days are supposed to be in the upper 80's/lower 90's.  If that's true - I'll be able to start walking again.  In fact, as long as it doesn't storm later this afternoon, I'm thinking about getting out for my first long walk in a few weeks.  I definitely need some therapeutic mind cleansing before tomorrow.  I need to psych myself up, get ready...and walking will definitely help with that.

I've also got all of my breakfast and lunch stuff ready to go for this week.  It will be so nice to be back to regular routines - having set times throughout the day set in stone for meals and snacks.  When I'm making my own schedule, it's so easy to forget stuff like eating... that won't be the case when I literally have a lunch time and prep time that's written out in my daily schedule. 

I know I've been pretty wishy-washy over the past couple of weeks.  It's probably caused a few eye rolls or mumbles of "here she goes again", but it's not permanent.  I know that when I declared a brand new start over that I, once again, promised things would be different.  In the back of my mind I kind of had a niggling that starting my new job would get in the way of my gung-ho attitude...and that I'd start to slide off course just a little.  And that's simply because I hadn't started my new job, yet.  I was still in a wonderland of no schedules, no to-do lists, no boundaries... just freedom.

And I know that some people will read that and think that freedom should be the time when I'm the most committed, when I'm taking all that free time and working out and making the most of not having anything in my way... but for some weird reason, I just don't work that way.  My mind isn't formatted for swapping free time with work-out time.  In fact, it's hard wired for the opposite.  I work-out when I'm busy - because it decreases my stress.  When there's no stress, there's no desire inside of me to work-out.  Stupid, I know, but I haven't found the program to debug my brain yet.

I know all of this is just more words.  Until I actually do what I say I'm going to do - they will remain only words.  My actions speak much louder...and they've kind of lost all sound the past few weeks.  I'm really hoping that changes.  I really plan on cranking up the volume.  Really, I do.

Till next time. ;)
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