This time last week, I was calm and collected. I felt that I had a good handle on my progress, and there were only minor details to attend to in order to be completely ready for school to begin. But now that I'm in the final stretch, nerves have started to set in. I've started the game of second guessing myself, worrying about how much stuff still needs to get in to my classroom, and wondering what the heck my kiddos are going to do for the first couple of days of school.
I knew this would happen. I even tried to mentally prepare myself for it. But, how can someone mentally prepare for getting stressed out and worried? They can't. I know that some of my feelings are nerves, some are excitement. Rolled together they some how come out as anxiety.
I guess no amount of planning or preparing can get me ready. I've dreamed about this time in my life for so many years, you'd think it would be a cake walk. It's not. And I know that until I actually make it through those first couple of days - I'll be nervous and I'll worry and I'll second guess myself. And I know that it comes with the territory and nothing I do between now and then will take those feelings away.
Yesterday, I made a dent on my office. I managed to fill up four more huge boxes of stuff. All four boxes are half filled with books and half filled with other miscellaneous items that I've bought over the years - and honestly, forgotten I had. Although, for some reason, my office still doesn't look that much different. You would think by getting all of my books and school supplies out, there would be less clutter every where. Not the case. Yes, I can now see the top of my desk. Yes, there are open shelves on the book shelves. But I'm still surrounded in piles... small mountains of things that still need a permanent home or a decision from me whether they'll be coming with me or staying here.
I got to have a nice chat, yesterday, with a teacher I'd never met before. She and her husband delivered the bookshelf I found off of the Facebook group page. The bookshelf is awesome. It's a little old and dinged up, but beauty has never been my forte in selecting things that can have major use. Here's the bookshelf...
I never thought I'd get so excited about a bookshelf, before. But the options this thing gives me are endless. There are shelves that hang off the ends. I can display picture books, and themed books, and highlight certain authors. Yes, I truly believe I won the bookshelf jackpot. However weird that may sound.
Anywho, I was talking about the conversation I had with the previous owner of this gem - another local teacher. She explained how excited she was when she was a first-year teacher. She shared some stories. We laughed at how all first year teachers think they are going to change the world. That's true. First year teachers walk in to their first classroom with so much excitement and energy. I can only speak of my own experience, though. And while I don't necessarily think I'll be changing the world - I most definitely believe I'll be making a difference in the lives of the students I teach. And after carrying that thought around for the past few years - it will be hard for someone to persuade me otherwise.
So, it's that time where I head out for my last Monday of summer break. In which I will be spending in my classroom unpacking even more stuff. And I'm perfectly happy spending my last week of summer break getting myself and my classroom ready. I can't think of a better way of spending the last week of summer break.
Till next time. ;)
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