Saturday, January 26, 2013

Just Imagine Something Deep Written Right Here

This time next week, I will be sitting here as a 31 year old woman.  As opposed to the 30 year old woman that's sitting here right now.  Yep.  Next Friday is my birthday...and I'll be a whole year older in the matter of one day.

I plan on writing some celebratory, awesome post about my birthday... but thinking about it has brought me to write about it today.

Not my birthday, persay... but the time that has gone by.

When I really stop to think about it, I can't fathom the fact that I've been on Earth for 31 years - minus a week.  It seems like not so long ago I was going to my grandparents' house on the weekend, playing outside on my bike, hanging out with friends after school, driving to my first job at a fast-food restaurant, finding out I was pregnant with my first child....and on and on I could go.

So much has happened in 30 years, it just blows my mind.

I've had my shares of ups and downs through the time.  Each moment adding to the turn-out of who I am at this very minute...and each moment adding to who I will be another 30 years from now.  Not a single moment of regret, because I know that a single change to any of the moments may have led me on a different course.  And that's something I'd never wish upon myself.

Because, at the end of the day, I am exactly who I want to be.  Right now.  Right here.  I'm a happy person, with everything I need... everything I want.

It's sometime easy for me to forget that, though.

How easy it is for me to poke at my imperfections and my flaws.  I want to lose weight.  I want to live in a nicer house.  I want to feel better about how I look and feel.  I want to be better at my job.  I want to not worry about stuff.  

But really?  When it comes down to it... I'm perfectly happy... I just sometime choose not to think about it.

How many people are out there that will make the claim that there's absolutely nothing they want to change about themselves or their lives?  I can imagine that even the rich and famous have their desires of change or something else to add to their ever expanding list of possessions.

It just seems like we live in a world where no one is ever happy.  Even though they are happy.

I'm one of those doubt about it.  But, I'm thankful that when I really stop to think about it (like right now), I can except that when push comes to shove I am a very lucky person.  There are millions worse off than I am.  I am grateful for the blessings that have been given to me.

One thing that I can add to that list is the fact that nothing came handed to me.  I worked for everything that I accomplished in life - and that makes my life that much sweeter.  To truly value the benefits of a hard earned dollar, to put in a hard day's work, to follow dreams through the gates and fields of nightmares.  I think that's what I truly love the most about my life.

In my 30 years I've been through more than many, nothing compared to some.

One thing I am blessed to have learned through my life is that happiness and success can never be measured by the wants and desires.  The house I live in, the car I drive, the clothes I wear, the people I have as friends - they don't score or rank the life I have created for myself.

The success of my life is shown to me in the twinkle of a 5 year old that wakes up every morning, and can't start her day without giving me a hug and a kiss.  It's shown by the 11 year old who, despite fighting tooth and nail with me sometimes, thanks me for caring enough to push him hard.  It's shown by the 12 year old who comes to me with "boy" problems and enjoys spending time with me, but also appreciates the fact that I give her space and privacy.  It's measured by the phone call with my own mother to catch up on our lives and just shoot the breeze.  It's shown by the man that lives in my house, cares for two children that may not be of his blood - but no one would ever know.  The same man that doesn't think twice about sitting up with a sick 5 year old all night or spending the day taking care of her while I go to work.  It's shown by the students that walk in to my classroom each morning with a smile on their face, and leave with the same smile each day.

None of those things cost any money.   Yet, they are the things that matter the most.

So, in a week I turn 31.  A whole year older...a whole year wiser... a whole year richer.  And I don't mean by the money that's in my bank account.

And you know what?  I don't ever plan on being one of those people that dread their birthdays.  Because, turning another year older means that I've had the chance to live another year surrounded by the luxuries that life has given me.

There's something deep for ya.


1 comment:

  1. for some reason 31 affected me more than any other year. I think it was the life changes that happened when I was 30 (read: divorce) - I'd never dreaded a birthday before then. I'm happy though now that 32 is coming up in a couple weeks to not feel old and full of dread anymore :) it's nice to be back in the HAPPY birthday camp!


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