Can you believe that half the year is already gone? Yep...we're in to the seventh month...July. Seems like just a few weeks ago I was wrapping Christmas presents, then preparing for senior project, and getting kiddos ready for Benchmark testing.
Now, summer is in full swing - and there's only six more weeks till kids go back to school. I'd love to be able to say that it's only four more weeks until I go to work - but that still hasn't happened....so I'm still in the world of four more weeks of uncertainty.
The first six months of this year have brought many accomplishments. The biggest being that I graduated from college. I am now a college graduate, a holder of a Bachelor's degree, and licensed to teach lower elementary school.
The same six months have also brought many set backs - as outlined in the past six months of blog posts. I've lost some weight, I've gained even more. I start the second half of the year only a few pounds lighter than what I was in January.
It's been a very emotional past few months. Trying to find a job has been rough. I've only had a couple of interviews - with no current prospects. It's a waiting game - one that I'm not really good at. While I'm loving having some time off - not knowing what my future holds...or if I'm going to be able to support my family in a few months... is very scary. A situation that leads me into the realm of emotional eating, not caring about exercising - nasty feelings of defeat and sadness.
So, I decided that I really needed to buck my ideas up for the second half of the year. Practically for the first six months - I've been out of whack. I have a great week with my eating, but then don't work out. On the flip side, I might work-out great one week - but then eat like crap the whole time. The scales are always one sided - the balance is off.
That's why, for the month of July, I decided that my Mantra will be Balance.
Being able to balance let-down without retreating to self-sabotage. It's being able to focus on the here and now, instead of worrying what my future holds. It's going to most definitely be about getting back to the me that thrives on challenges, schedules, routines. It's who I am - and not having them turns me into a lazy, face scarfing monster.
My balance will also be about my food and exercise. The past couple of weeks, I've been so caught up in what type of exercise I should be doing - I'm piling too much on my plate. It's not realistic, for me, to think that I can do boot camp, Supreme 90 day, Active Trainer AND run. I may do one or two of those things - but it's just too much to try and fit it all in. I end up just giving up.
It was a hard decision, but I've decided to ditch boot camp. That's hard for me to say - because I was so looking forward to it. The truth is, though, it's just too dang hot outside...and with the sprint bursts, I can't do it inside. The exercise portions of boot camp are in my Supreme 90 Day and Active trainer plans...so it makes sense to me to keep those two programs. Being that Active Trainer is designed as a bursting work-out, it gives me the same (kinda) benefits that doing boot camp will. Plus, they can both be done inside. When it's 103 degrees outside - that's the big sale point.
I want to not worry about when I run - or if I "missed" a run. For a long time now, my running hasn't been about exercising. I go for a run when I'm frustrated or just need some alone time. My running is the balance between my physical health and my mental health. If I get out on the track and feel like sprinting - I sprint. If I get there and want to jog...I jog. If I run for a few minutes and decide I'd much rather walk...so be it. On the flip side - if I go a whole week without running...I should feel like it's OK. Maybe I didn't need the run that week.
Today, I'm starting over...again. I'm making my meal plan, I'm strapping on my BodyBugg, I'm planning my exercise routines for the week. I need the plans, the schedules - or I just don't have any commitment.
I'm going to take a few deep breaths. Relax. And succeed.
Till next time. ;)
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Did you read my post about when I went for a run AFTER deciding not to run a marathon? I sound like you did above. It's okay honey - do what you have to - the main point is you're not doing a boot camp but you aren't giving up on yourself. Oh and check out my 2011 mantra on my sidebar. Feel fee to borrow it if you want it...it sounds like what you are talking about.
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