Wednesday, May 08, 2013

I Hate Delays...And Secrets....And Mixing the Two

I really hate secrets.  Well, my secrets.  Secrets I want to share, but can't.  Those are the worst.  And the sad part is, I could probably tell you all and it not affect me in the slightest... but there's always that chance, you know?  Karma.  Jinxing myself.  Whatever you want to call it.

My secret telling has been delayed, once again.  And not just by a day or two... by almost an entire week.  UGH!!  Delays suck just as much, if not more than keeping secrets.

The sad part is, by the time I am allowed to share my news, everyone that hasn't already guessed what it is would have.  Then my big moment will be kinda deflated.  Well, not really... but kinda.  But, I'm not taking any chances.

And it's only my own secrets I don't like keeping.  I'm actually a really good keeper of other people's secrets.  If someone comes to me and says "Can I tell you something and it go no further?"  It won't go any further than me.  I know what it feels like to be able to share stuff with people, get it off my chest... so I don't mind being that person for someone else.

My secrets on the other hand?  Not so good at it.  Like this big secret I'm keeping from all of you.  If you read my blog and know me in person, then you already know what it is because you've asked me...and I've confirmed it.  Or I told you first.  Whether you wanted to know or not.  Just because I was so excited I had to tell someone...everyone I knew.

Maybe that's the reason I'm having so many problems, now.  Had I just kept my mouth shut in the first place, everything may have gone exactly as it was supposed to.

But, I was the person that the minute I saw a positive sign on each pregnancy test, I started calling people.  Even though I had already psyched myself up to not tell anyone until the 1st trimester was over, and all that. I just couldn't keep it to myself.

And then when I got my job.  I should have waited until my contract was ready to be signed... but I hadn't even gotten out of the parking lot before I was on the phone calling Hubby, my family, and my friends to share the big news the day the job was offered to me.

I've been holding this secret in since March.  MARCH!!  That's two months!  That's got to be a record or something for me keeping one of my secrets.  And I've grown so tired of hearing "Should be this week" or "You should be ready next week" or "Just a few more things to take care of, and you should be OK to start telling people".  BLAH!

Then there's the thought that I've hyped this up so much, that I'll disappoint everyone when I do tell them.  The emails and messages I've received from people asking me about different things they think it is.  Lots of pregnancy inquiries, new job possibilities, relocation, buying a new house, that I'm finally getting married, winning the lottery, inheriting money, and even thoughts that I'm getting weight loss surgery.

At first, I was just replying with "Nope...try again" like it was some sort of radio call-in contest, and then I decided to just start responding with "Sorry, you'll just have to wait and see" because people were guessing so many different things that I started feeling guilty and just wanted to tell them to just put them out of their misery.

This has gone on so long, that I'm pretty sure many people are probably sick of wondering or even hearing about it by now.  And for that, I apologize.  Had I really known how long this was all going to take, I wouldn't have said anything in the first place.  Oh, who am I kidding?  Yes I would.  I just may have been less likely to talk about it so much.

Just yesterday afternoon I was told that everything would be finished by Thursday, and by the time I got home that had changed to next Monday.  In one day.  A delay from two days to six days.  UGH!

And I'm not going to promise it will be Monday... because I just don't know anymore.

I'm just going to keep my mouth shut about it from now on until I get the answer I'm waiting for...or the answer I'm dreading.  Either way, it will happen when it happens, and there's nothing I can do about it, except wait.  It's out of my hands, and I will get what's coming to me when it comes.


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