Truthful Tuesday...

After writing a couple of really honest posts over the past couple of days, I'm a little at a loss at what to write about today.  Wait, that didn't sound right.  The posts I write are always honest.  What I meant was, I've dug deep over the past couple of days to share some of my honest inner feelings about my weight loss journey - which is what Truthful Tuesday is all about.  So, I guess today - I'm gonna have to make myself get a little more out of my normal topic comfort zone and see what I can come up with...

 

To be honest... I am 100% officially done with summer.  I hate it.  And I don't use that word very often.  Having temps at 108 is ridiculous.  I'm tired of getting swarmed by grasshoppers when I walk out the front door - especially since I'm scared to death of them.  I'm tired of driving by, what used to be, a beautiful river when I go to work - only to see a dried out rocky, puddly swamp.  And I'm tired of having to turn on every fan in the house to try and help out the AC unit that runs 24/7 and still can't keep up.  It's even too hot to go swimming - which is about the only thing I like about summer.  So. Done.

To be honest... I wanted to jump through my computer screen and pick the weatherman's eyeballs out with a dull pencil when I read his Facebook status, yesterday.  "Good news, only 54 days till Fall".  Really?  That's good news?  No it's not!  That means I still have 54 days to put up with all of the above mentioned things I hate about summer.  Fifty four days is almost two months.  TWO-FREAKIN-MONTHS!  I'm pretty sure that in 54 days I will look like a dried out prune - and so will everything else.  And in 54 days, I'm totally sure that the grasshopper invasion will have gotten to the point where they are hostile, gathered all their troops, and ready to take over life as we know it.

To be honest... On a more serious note, I'm very concerned about how bad the cost of fresh fruit and veggies is going to be with the extreme drought we're under.  Fresh fruit and veg are VITAL to a semi clean eater - and this gal has a long time to go until she gets her first teaching pay check. 

To be honest... I'm not one to jump on any form of political bandwagon or openly express my inner beliefs to anyone other than my close family members - but I have to say that I'm sick and tired of hearing about the hype calling for outlawing guns.  Guns don't kill people - people kill people.  Just like my fridge didn't make me fat.  I think that what happened in Colorado was disgusting.  But, I also believe that if a lawful gun carrier had been allowed to carry his/her concealed weapon in to that movie theater - there would have been a lot less bloodshed.  And I hate guns. 

To be honest... On the same note, I'm sick of hearing about all the material things that are being used as excuses for why people act the way they do.  Violent video games and movies, rap music, and porn are all constantly blamed for people acting certain ways.  There are billions of people that partake and watch these things every single day - yet when one person breaks the law...these things are to blame.  What happened to people taking responsibility for their actions?  When my kids do something wrong, I don't allow them to blame their actions on anything but their actions.  And then they face the consequences for those actions.  Our society is developing a new generation of kids that don't even know what responsibility is. 

To be honest... I'm also sick of hearing about the nasty, horrible, cruel protests that Westboro Baptist Church continue to do.  I don't give a rats ass if you believe in the war or not - those men and women that serve their country, lose their lives, and want to be buried with respect and pride have the right to do so without crazy, religious nuts having their two cents.  I am a firm believer in freedom of speech - but there's a time and place.  They can make their voices heard somewhere other than a soldier's funeral.  It makes my stomach tighten and my blood boil to hear some of the nasty, horrible things those people say.  I just hope that if there truly is a heaven, that those soldiers are standing there in protest when people of Westboro Baptist kick the bucket...and God is right behind them with his own picket sign that says "God doesn't support hatred..so there!"

To be honest... I had no intention of going off on a political rampage - but Hubby is sitting here talking to me about more crap that's being posted on Facebook, and it got me thinking.  I respect everyone's opinions - and I'm just expressing mine.  You are more than welcome to disagree with me.  That's your right, too.  Just please don't be hateful about it.

To be honest... This past week's episode of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition is probably the reason I had my revelation about my mental state affecting my weight loss.  This week's person had such mental struggles that she was unable to push herself to commit and lose the weight.  I love how Chris called her out on her excuses, though.  I often wonder how some people are able to throw away such an amazing gift as having Chris Powell train them for an entire year - and transform their lives.  But, the reality is, when the negative mind is in control - the negative mind will destroy the positive possibilities.  And yes, I came up with that all by myself.

To be honest... Last night, I started watching Army Wives on Netflix.  I've heard a lot about this show - and never really gave much hype to it.  But, Oh.Em.Gee. I am now hooked.  It seems like such a great show...and probably the reason for my very emotionally charged opinions this morning.

To be honest... I should probably get off of here and do something a little more productive... like watch more Army Wives.  HA!

Till next time. ;)

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It's All in my Head

Yesterday was a very surprising day for me.  After a week of not working out and some careless food choices, I still managed to drop over two pounds.  It wasn't luck.  It wasn't magic.  But, it wasn't necessarily physical, either.  Truthfully?  I think I lost that weight mentally.  Meaning, it was my mental thoughts that brought on that loss.

I know I mentioned all of this yesterday, that I had discovered the magic secret of losing weight and all that.  That my mental wellness plays a big part in my weight loss success.... but I want to go a little more in depth with it.  Mostly because I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, and because I didn't really know what else to write about today.

Over the course of my blogging history, I've made many references to having voices in my head.  Some are good voices, some not so good.  I guess they are kind of alter egos that appear out of nowhere to either bring success or destruction.  But, most people associate hearing voices in their heads to some kind of mental disorder.  They are not those kinds of voices.  My voices aren't telling me to hurt anyone, they aren't telling me to do things I shouldn't do, and they aren't causing me to be paranoid.

But, they are there.  The good voices and the bad voices.  Some days I hear voices that tell me that eating a candy bar or a bowl of ice-cream won't hurt.  They tell me that I deserve to reward myself with a sweet treat now and then.  They tell me that I don't want to work-out because I'm too tired or I deserve to rest.  Those are the bad voices.  The voices of my past life when my food intake was more related to my emotions than fueling my body.

I still hear those voices, occasionally.

Then there are the good voices that tell me to stay away from all junk food, to drink water, to exercise, and then remind me what benefits and rewards I deserve and will receive when I do those things. 

I used to think that there was no real control over when or where I would hear the voices.  That they would just appear out of nowhere.  That the voices were an internal battle I had to always prepare myself for, be on guard for....without any warning or control.

What I've learned, however, is that those voices are completely controlled by me.  In a sense.  What's going on in my life, how I feel, my stress level - they are all the triggers and motivators for those voices. 

Even though I said I didn't want to revisit my past when I started this new chapter in my weight loss, it's needed right now.  I have to go back and recollect in order to make my point. 

Two years ago, I was still in college.  I was busy ALL of the time, my stress level was at the max, and sometimes I didn't know if I was coming or going.  But, apart from all of that, I was happy.  I felt like I was overcoming a huge milestone in my life - going to college to fulfill my career dreams.  I soaked up the stress like a cat laps up milk.  It was rewarding - something I loved.  That was also the time of my life where I had the greatest success with my weight loss.  I lost a huge amount of weight in a short period of time - not because I was starving myself or doing anything crazy.  I was eating very mindfully, I was working out on a regular basis, I was pushing myself to do things I didn't think I could do like boot camps and 5K races.

Once my schooling was over, I basically jumped off of a cliff.  My happiness diminshed.  I was smacked in the face with the realization that just because I went to college and earned my degree didn't automatically grant me my life long wish.  Doors were closed in my face everywhere I turned, and my mind began shifting in to a place I didn't like being.  I was depressed.  I felt like a failure.  And with those thoughts came the rushing back of the majority of all the weight I had lost.

It was my mental state that controlled my weight loss.

Now, all that depression and feelings of failure are gone.  I got a teaching job.  I am overwhelmed and stressed about the next couple of weeks.  I feel like I'm so busy I don't know whether I'm coming or going.  But, I'm losing weight.  Five pounds gone over three weeks may not sound like much to some - but it's the most weight I've lost in a very long time.  Not only that, but I feel confident in my weight loss efforts. 

I sometimes cringe at some of the decisions I make - eating something I shouldn't or skipping a work-out when I said I would do it.  But, the bad voices aren't there congratulating me - the good voices are there encouraging me, telling me that I will keep going.  And they are right. 

I know I can lose the weight, now.  Regardless of how fast or slow my progress is - I'm still making progress each week.  That's because my mind is on board, it's supporting my efforts, it's encouraging me....and most importantly?  My mind is happy.

Till next time . ;)

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It's Weigh-In Day! And You're Gonna Wanna See This!!

It's weigh-in day.  A day I've honestly been dreading since Wednesday, when I jumped on the scale for a little progress report - and wasn't happy with what I saw.  I did the same thing last week.  Did a mid-week weigh-in and was ticked off at what the scale was showing me.

This week, I think I've discovered something.  A secret, if you will.  For years, I've told myself that there are no special secrets to weight loss.  You eat right, you work out, you'll lose weight.  Simple.  No magic pills or diet plans will get me there - it takes hard work, discipline.  It's no secret - everyone will tell you the same.

But, I'm on to something now that's different.  I know it.

Last week, I stept on the scale mid-week and saw a gain.  It terrified me.  Once I saw it, my mind starting focusing on it - determined to do something about it.  And you know what?  I still managed to pull off a very small loss last week.

This week, I stood on the scale on Wednesday, saw a little gain, and my mind started focusing on it.  I knew I was so consumed with going to my classroom that the gym wasn't going to help me out.  I had to set my mind on eating right and drinking tons of water.  I didn't know if it would be enough - but my mind was stuck firm on doing what I could.

So, let's see what happened this week...shall we?

Three weeks ago, I weighed 254.6lbs
Last week, I weighed in at 251.8lbs only losing 0.6lbs from the week before.

It was my goal to get in to the 240's this week, but after what I saw on Wednesday... I just didn't know if that would be possible.  So, I almost died this morning when I saw this...

I'm sorry about the horrible picture quality.  I tried a few more attempts at getting a better picture - but this was the best I could do.  The flash made the numbers disappear, and no flash gave me this grainy looking quality but the numbers were still visable.

That number that I saw this morning, and you see now is 249.4lbs!

I did it!  I got in to the 240's - and I don't care how barely it came.

I've lost 2.4lbs this week.  And there was no gym, no exercising.  Up until Wednesday, there wasn't even great eating or water drinking.  But, once I got a glimpse of the direction I was heading on Wednesday - I started to change my focus.  I got myself back in to the game - mentally.  And THAT is the secret I think I'm on to.

I've discovered that this journey that I'm on is mainly mentally challenged.  It's all in my head.  No, I'm not saying that I can magically send vibes to my scale to give me a better number.  I am saying that if my head's not on board - the rest of my body will follow suit and not do much...and vice versa.  If my head IS on board - then my actions and results will follow right behind and great things will happen.

OK, so I didn't work out at the gym or go walking this week.  But, I realized that lifting all those boxes completely full of books, moving other classroom furniture, standing up and down on chairs - that all counts as something.  My body was moving, I was sweating, my arms and legs were feeling the work.  And once I really started thinking about it in terms of exercise, I realized I started putting in even more effort to do more physical work in my classroom. 

And then there was the eating and drinking water.  On Friday, I packed my 52oz water bottle and drank from it all day - and then all evening.  I ignored little pangs of wanting to snack.  I focused on eating my meals, keeping the portions in control, and avoiding anything I shouldn't be eating.

Automatically, my mind now begins to wonder what the numbers would look like on the scale if I didn't start mentally getting in the game mid-week... but was mentally in the game all week.  And that, my friends, is the experiment I'm going to try this week.

There will be no gym again this week - because I will be working in my classroom every single day.  But, if I prepare my mind for that now...not dwell or feel guilty...I may be able to prove to myself that I can make it work - NO MATTER WHAT.  I will eat perfectly every day.  I will drink tons of water every day.  I will push myself to get as much physical activity in as I can while I'm there.  And then who knows what I will be able to accomplish by this time next week.  If I can lose 3lbs in a few days (it's technically 3lbs because I saw a gain of 0.6lbs on Wednesday) then I could potentially get much higher than that next time around.

It's taken me three weeks to lose 5.2lbs.  I want to up that ante.  I want to lose another 5lbs in the next two weeks.  A very easy goal - but that's what my head needs right now.  Managable.  A way to stay on board with me in the midst of working and trying to get myself prepared for the new school year.  If I can keep setting these small goals - I just know that there will be no stopping me. 
Till next time. ;)

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So Much Time, So Little to Do...No, Wait, That's Not Right

Peanut and I spent another full day working hard in my classroom, yesterday.  When I step in to my classroom, I can definitely notice the differences.  With just adding the features to my bulletin boards and unstacking all the desks and chairs - it definitely looks like some serious progress has been made.

But, even after being in the classroom for three days, I just don't feel like I've accomplished that much - and there is still so much to be done.  Now, all of the bulletin boards are done, the desks have their name plates, I've finished up laminating my calendar numbers and getting those put up.  It's all little stuff.  I still haven't unpacked any of the four million boxes I have laying around.  I haven't placed one book in to my library area.  And I still haven't even finished putting the furniture where I want it.  And that's just more surface stuff - there's still a lot more to do on top of that.

Thankfully, I still have a full week and four days to finish everything up.  I figure that's plenty of time.  Peanut and I will be hitting it hard next week - every single day - to get all the stuff taken care of.  Plus, on Wednesday morning, I'll have an idea on what the first quarter will look like - in terms of the content I'll be teaching - so I can decorate accordingly for that.

It's definitely a mixed bag of emotions that I'm feeling right now.  Of course I'm ecstatic about being in my own classroom, making it my own, and feeling the rush of accomplishment.  But, I'm also starting to feel the nerves.  In a little over two weeks, twenty children will be walking in to my room - and I have to be ready for them... both physically and mentally.  Children smell fear, so that's something I have to squash before then.

I think that once I start writing my lesson plans for the first week, and get a sense of what our year will look like - in terms of the subjects we'll be teaching, how we'll be teaching them, etc. - I will feel so much better.  I will be in more control.  Cause, at the end of the day, the lack of my control is what's getting to me.  Not knowing something is like an OCD mechanism for me.  If I don't know, I get panicked, stressed, and anxiety starts to rush in.

On top of preparing for twenty kids that I don't even know, I'm also trying to prepare my own three children for their new adventure.  I received their enrollment packets and school supply lists, yesterday.  It's weird being in the middle of teacher and parent.  On one hand I wonder why on earth the kids need so much stuff.  Then, on the other hand, I realize how much money I've already spent on classroom staples - and having the kids bring supplies with them is a huge relief.  My purse strings will have to be kept a little tighter over the next few weeks if I have any chance of affording all the stuff they need for school, Jelly's enrollment fees for daycare, and my own things I still need in my classroom.  It's daunting - but this is what I've been waiting for, so I most certainly won't complain.

Changing subjects just a little - I am happy to report that I drank MUCH more water yesterday.  In fact, it's all I drank.  I also ate better all day.  In doing this for one day, I saw a drastic change on the scale this morning than what I saw a few days ago.  I'm still not where I wanted to be this week, but I'm not too far in the other direction, either. 

I am starting to understand how important being mindful really is.  Just because I can't exercise as much doesn't mean I can't still lose weight with proper nutrition.  Heck, I know this because back before spring break I managed to lose 8lbs in one week - just by eating clean 100% the entire week.  If I remember that going in to this next week - then maybe, just maybe I'll be where I want to be come weigh in time next Sunday.

Alright, gotta run.
Till next time. ;)

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Friday's Letters Link-Up

Wow, where has this week gone?  It seems to have flown by in the blink of an eye.  I hate that feeling when I write a reoccuring post, and it feels like I just wrote it a couple of days ago.  I guess that tends to happen, though, when I go through a week that has been as busy as this week.  So, it's time once again to do my Friday's Letters Link-Up.  When I'm finished writing all of my letters, I'll hop on over to www.adventuresofnewlyweds.com and link up with tons of other people who are doing the same kind of post.  You are more than welcome to join me.

Dear Motivation:  How are you, my dear friend?  I know that you've felt a little neglected this week - especially since I haven't gone to the gym at all this week.  But I have thought of you, a lot.  Please don't take my absence from my promised "gung-ho" work-outs as a sign that our friendship is failing... or that I'm leaving you behind.  That's not the case at all.  This week has been crazy busy - and I know that's a lame ass excuse.  But, I promised Peanut that we'd be in the gym on the weekends.  Just because I'm not logging any work-outs doesn't mean I'm not getting some exercise in when I'm working in my classroom.  You are still a big part of my life.

Dear Scale:  Has Motivation called you at some point this week?  It seems that the two of you are in cohoots to try and scare me or make me realize that I'm not as dedicated as I was a couple of weeks ago.  I say to both of you, that's not the case.  You can go ahead and show me a gain this week - honestly?  I don't really care.  Well, OK, of course I care, but I know that what you are showing me is the truth...and I deserve what I see.  I will accept my gain this week with grace and dignity - and use it to serve as a reminder that being busy is a lame excuse and I still have to find a way to make being busy and losing weight a part of my life.  I will get there.

Dear New Classroom:  I am so happy and blessed to have you in my life.  Unfortunately, though, you've taken up pretty much all of my time this week - and your new classroom smell has been a big distraction to my weight loss efforts.  I totally understand why my motivation, my scale, and some of my blog followers believe that you may be my downfall into going back to my old ways - of repeating the same excuses as to why I'm not working out or eating correctly.  But, that's not fair.  It's not your fault.  It's mine.  You may be the reason as to why I haven't gone to the gym.. but it's not your fault that I've slacked on drinking my water or eating every two hours.  That's totally all on me.  Today, I am making sure that Peanut and I bring food with us - healthy food, of course - to keep us going while we work.  I also have my 52ozs water cup that I will guzzle from like nobody's business.  I won' allow you to take the blame for my actions this week.  I can only work on making sure that I find a balance between you and losing weight.  I totally know I can do it.

Dear Gym:  Get ready.  Peanut and I are coming for you this weekend.  I am truly dedicated to making you a part of my regular scheduled programming on the weekends.  And, if for some reason - off in the future - you don't see me on the weekends, it's because I'm walking several miles.  Of course, you don't have to worry about that any time soon while the temps are so freakin' outrageous.  I know that, realistically, the chance of you and I seeing each other during the week probably won't happen... but that just means I have to make the time I do spend with you on the weekends count for something.  No 30 minutes on the elliptical and I'm done attitude....I'll be giving you some major time, some major dedication, and some major sweat.  Peanut won't have it any other way - and for that, I'm truly grateful.

Dear Peanut & Butter's Doctor:  Thank you so much for being so nice to my kiddos, yesterday.  Despite Butter having to have four shots, I really appreciate the talk you had with him about the importance of proper eating and exercise.  Even though I try to lead by example, it's obvious that I have failed to a great extent on that front.  I also appreciate you applauding him on his abilities to overcome his other medical issues, and giving him your encouraging support as he embarks on a new journey in to a new school.  On the same note, thank you so much for commenting on Peanut's perfection when it comes to her height and weight ratio.  She was so scared she was going to hear that she's overweight - and following in the footsteps of her mother was a very big concern to her.  I appreciate you noticing the work she has done to prevent that - and made note that her BMI (despite how stupid I think that thing is) is well in the normal range.  You've further instilled her committment to retain that status - and to push me harder to get to that status.

Dear Weatherman:  My Friday's letters just wouldn't be complete without a letter to you.  I am so mad at you right now, I could spit.  Yesterday, it seemed like every single town around me got rain...tons of it.  We got a 20 second sprinkle...if that.  What gives?  Do you know how infuriating it is to read statuses on Facebook from people only a few miles down the road from me boasting about all the rain they are getting, while I look out the window and don't even see so much as a drop?  So not fair!

Dear Hubby:  Thank you so much for the wonderful meal plan that you created this week.  You have no idea how much it means to me to come home from a day of working or a day of taking kids to appointments to have a yummy, fresh, healthy dinner on the table.  Even the littlist of gestures speaks in volumes - like making burritos with turkey instead of beef.  I love the way you have really taken on, once again, supporting my healthy eating habits.  It's so hard to express my appreciation to you.  I know that you've prepared a few things that you wouldn't eat in a million years if I hadn't been so persistant with my desires to eat cleaner - and the fact that you took a leap of faith to at least experiment and try it leaves me speechless.  You are amazing.

And finally....

Dear Blog Followers/Readers:  Like I have pointed out in my other letters, I know that some of you may be feeling that I've already lost my momentum that I had when I declared a brand new start for myself just three short weeks ago.  I know it's frustrating and disappointing to read that I haven't had the best week, or I haven't worked out, or I haven't eaten as perfectly as I should, or I'm going to see a gain on the scale.  In a world where any reason is nothing more than a stupid excuse - it's so hard to explain how something like getting my very first classroom inteferes with my plans.  If I was able to put in to words the delight and excitment I feel being in my classroom, it may be understandable why I have opted to be there rather than in the gym or working out some other way.  And it's no doubt going to be a huge milestone to overcome the balance between work and weight loss.  But, as much as I don't want to, if I do look back at my greatest weight loss achievements - I have the greatest success when I'm happy.  Being in my classroom, knowing that in a few short weeks I'll finally be a teacher, that makes me happier than I've been in WAY too long.  I know that my success is coming... I know it's already started.  I know it's way too early to already be having set-backs or bumps in the road - but I don't look at them that way.  I look at them as learning blocks.  I have to learn to adjust and compromise.  I have to find a happy balance.  And I know I will.  I'm just too darn happy with my life right now to stop believing that I will most definitely lose the weight.  Just don't give up on me.  Please.
Till next time. ;)

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Things Are Coming Along

This week has been an exciting week for me.  Getting to get in to my classroom for the first time felt amazing - but then I was hit with the realization that there was so much work to be done in order for my classroom to be ready.

On Tuesday, I showed you what I saw when I first walked in.  The room was completely bare except for the furniture.  I knew I had my work cut out for me - and it wasn't going to be something I could accomplish in a day or two.

Yesterday, Peanut and I went up there and spent the entire day working.  Well, OK, let me rephrase that.  We spent 6 hours working in there.  That sounds like a long time, I guess... but for what we got accomplished - it really wasn't.

Now, I have some updated pics to share... I'll show you the comparison from Monday when I was there to yesterday - after our hard work. 

The bulletin boards before

The bulletin boards after

And that's about it.  We got the bulletin board decorated, and we unstacked the desks and chairs.  We also got a lot of sorting stuff done and laminating, but it's really hard to show pictures of that...so there was more done than just putting some paper and border on some bulletin boards.

Today, I have to take all three kids to some form of appointment.  Peanut and Butter have wellness check-ups at their doctor's office, and Jelly has a dentist appointment to get her teeth cleaned.  Because of that, there will be no work in my classroom done today. 

Tomorrow, though, Peanut and I will be back up there pounding away at getting my classroom ready to go.  Peanut has told me that she envisions herself inside an episode of Extreme Makeover: Classroom Edition.  She's really liking having her hand in the creation that is unfolding - and that makes me happy.

That's basically all I have to report today, because I'm so crunched for time before I have to head out the door... but wanted you all to see what's going on with me.

I will say, before I go, that there hasn't been any visits to the gym, thus far, but I have been really getting some weight work in with the amount of heavy boxes I've lifted...and climbing up and down off of chairs...and walking up and down hallways.   Also, eating hasn't been perfect - but it's been OK.  Hubby has been keeping his word about cooking healthy dinners this week.  I just haven't been drinking as much water as I should be.  I really am going to try and be a lot better with that today - and from now on.

Alright, gotta run...

Till next time. ;)

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Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Yesterday was a really rough day for me.  Mentally.  I had to take Jelly to the doctor for her pre-school wellness visit...and it just didn't go the way I thought it would.

A wellness visit, in my mind, is a doctor making sure everything is developing correctly.  Checking ears, eyes, throat, height, weight, mobility...you know, the basic stuff.  They did all that stuff.  My four year old child is 47" tall (3 ft. 7 in) and weighs 48lbs.  She's basically the average size of a 6 year old, according to her doctor.  But, her weight and height are aligned perfectly.

But then, they always surprise me with the word that causes all mothers to cringe: "Shot".  Or in Jelly's case?  Three shots.  UGH!  Now, I'm not totally naive to the fact that my kid is going to need shots - but I really thought that the shots were going to happen at the Kindergarten wellness check..not the pre-k check.  I was totally caught off guard with that.  And thank goodness I hadn't told Jelly she wouldn't be getting any shots.

Not only that, but Jelly also had to have a lead poison test.  Which is just a finger stick test - but still pretty traumatic for a four year old.  I have always had the belief that it's better to prepare my children when they have to get shots.  I don't believe in trying to surprise them or hide it from them.  And, Jelly was very appreciative of my gesture.  We discussed the process for the finger stick - and she seemed to be very curious of the whole process.

Then, the nurse came in.  Jelly kept her composure - and verified with the nurse that what I had told her was indeed what would happen.  The nurse looked a little surprised that a 4 year old was questioning him on the process of a finger stick test.  But, he answered all of Jelly's questions and assured her that what I had told her would be happening.

And Jelly was a trooper.  She had the finger stick without so much as a jump.  I felt so relieved that Jelly had made it through so well...that was until Jelly saw her own blood. 

While the nurse was squeezing drops of blood into the vile, Jelly started getting a little shaky.  She started telling me that her belly was hurting.  I thought it was just her nerves getting the best of her.  Then, the assisting nurse took one look at Jelly and went in to semi panic mode.  The nurse grabbed the closet card object and started fanning at Jelly.  I had no idea what was going on - because Jelly had her back to me because I was holding her for support.  When I caught a glimpse of Jelly's face - I could see why the panic had set in with the nurse.  Jelly was on the verge of passing out!

All of the color had drained from Jelly's face.  She was sweating - bad.  She was shaking a little.  My four year old was going to pass out from the sight of her own blood!  I have never seen anything like it.  The nurse squeezing her finger moved as quickly as he could, and once he was done - the other nurse went to work getting Jelly calmed down.  It was a very scary ordeal for me - so I can't imagine how Jelly was really feeling. 

After Jelly got her color back, and the wet paper towels had subsided the sweating, it was time for the dreaded shots.  My stomach twists in to knots when I have to hold my kids down for shots.  It's so traumatic for me - and I'm just the support.  Jelly was NOT happy.  First shot went in, Jelly started crying.  Second shot went in, Jelly looked at me to save her from the torture that was being unleashed.  By the third and final shot, I was teared up - and Jelly was crying those big, deep, "I'm in so much pain" cries.  I was so ready to get out of there.

Thankfully, it only took Jelly about 30 seconds to stop crying and get back to the sweet, funny, full of attitude thing that she is. 
Now, she's done with shots for a while.  She won't even need the kindergarten shots, now.  Phew!

And just when you thought about giving me the Mother of the Year award for being so brave and supportive?  Yeah, hold that thought.  I totally told her that she couldn't go with me today to work in my classroom because she needs to rest her legs after having the shots.  DOH! 

I know it's wrong to lie to my children.  You don't have to tell me.  But, I really need a day in the classroom to get some serious work done.  In fact, I need several days - but I had to come up with something to help me out today.  The poor girl looked so pitiful when she asked if she could come with me.  I just didn't have the heart to tell her that she couldn't go because she gets in to everything, gets bored too easily, and basically drives me nuts while I'm stressing over where to put what in the classroom.

So, even though I believe it's totally wrong to lie to my children - sometimes I just gotta do what I gotta do.  She'll be OK, I'm sure.  She'll just use the excuse I gave her to soak up some serious attention today, I'm sure of that. 

Speaking of which, I need to get going so that I can head to MO to visit my new classroom - with all the wonderful new accesories I bought yesterday to decorate with.  Oh yea!
Till next time. :)

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The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Truth

Anyone that follows and reads my blog on a regular basis knows that my Truthful Tuesday posts are a little redundant.  And by that, I mean that I'm honest ALL of the time.  I don't sugar coat, I don't hold back - I just tell it like it is.  But that's when I'm talking about one specific subject.  The point of Truthful Tuesday is to bundle various feelings up in to one neat, little package so I can release those feelings in to the world...cyberworld.  So, that's why I still have my Truthful Tuesday posts...cause sometimes I just need an honesty post that covers all the other stuff I don't regularly blog about.

To be honest.... It felt absolutely AMAZING stepping in to my classroom yesterday.  I would assume it was comparable to an artist opening up a fresh, new canvas.  The room was completely bare, except for my furniture, but I didn't see it that way.  I saw it as my masterpiece in the making.  The room where my dreams would come true.  The place I would change lives.  The first thing I did before anything else was snap a couple of pictures.  The "before" pictures, if you will.  And here they are...

To be honest.... I really had no idea how long it will take to get my classroom ready.  Peanut and I were there for 3 hours, yesterday, and we did absolutely NOTHING in terms of starting to get anything ready.  All we did was sort through all of the bulletin board stuff I have - and seperating what I can use and what I can't.  And I was only able to take a couple of boxes of stuff with me.  There is still PLENTY more that needs to go.

To be honest... I'm very nervous where my head will be in terms of my working out over the next couple of weeks.  Now that I've seen my classroom, and how much work that needs to be done, it's all I can think about.  I want to get in there and get it done - and thinking about going to the gym interferes with that progress.  I was worried that this would happen, but I have a feeling that Peanut will really help get me through it.  She's very determined to help me succeed at both my weight loss and getting my classroom set up.  So, maybe she can be the voice of reason that I will so desperately need.

To be honest... I can't believe the changes that have appeared in my twelve year old daughter.  It seems that practically overnight, she's grown up.  And her relationship with me has really changed - for the better.  She talks to me about everything.  She's not afraid to give me her honest opinion - even if she knows it's probably not what I want to hear.  I just don't know what happened to her.  What I do know is that I like it - and I'm so happy that we are so much closer. 

To be honest... I want to be clear that I love all three of my children equally.  It's just such a big deal with the changes I've seen in Peanut...who a few months ago basically hated me because I was taking her out of the school district she had grown to love.  It's a big deal that our relationship has not only mended it's self... but is now stronger.

To be honest... I have a strong feeling that, over the course of the next few weeks, my classroom is going to be a highlight on my blog.  Yes, I will still be focusing on my weight loss and trying to work-out whenever I can - but I blog about stuff that's really important to me.  Finally having my classroom is EXTREMELY important to me.  So, I apologize in advance to people who read this blog for weight-loss talk, and end up finding it's a lot about a first-year teacher who's just starting out.

To be honest... I'm really excited about the meals that Hubby has planned for us this week.  He really has a knack for finding healthy recipes... recipes that the whole family will enjoy.  I even made sure I did the grocery shopping on Sunday - even though it was 10 o' clock at night - so that we would be all set for the meal plan this week. 

To be honest... I've realized that even if I don't get as many work-outs in as I'd like, the nutrition part of my weight loss journey is vital at keeping me on track.  There just isn't any room for sliding or set-backs.  I have to make sure I'm eating right EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Even though it's not the ideal scenario - I know that I'm able to lose weight by just eating better.  Not that I plan on not working out at all... but I want to prepare myself for "distractions" in terms of going to the gym.  I would love nothing more than to be able to go for a long walk each night.... but this stupid weather won't allow for that at the moment. 

To be honest... I often forget I have so many work-out resources available to me in my own home.  I have a home gym set, tons of DVDs, and several work-out programs for my PS3.  I just have to remember that they are there and use them.  Just because I can't get to gym because I'd much rather spend all of my time in my classroom really doesn't give me an excuse not to work-out.  It's just time to dust off my own tools.  I must make a note to remind Peanut of this fact, too.

Alright, my time is up....doctor appointments are on the agenda today. 

Till next time. ;)

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I Was Up at 7:30am...

I don't, honestly, remember the last time I was up at 7:30am.  Of my own accord, anyway.  When I set the alarm and decided that was the time I wanted to get up.  Getting up at 7:30am, on a Monday, during the summer just isn't supposed to happen...especially since I didn't get home from my parent's house until 11pm and didn't go to bed until midnight last night. 

But there is a very important reason for breaking my soft slumber this morning.  A huge reason.  The reason of all reasons.  And that would be?  Today is the very first day I get to go and work in my classroom!

It is a very surreal feeling...knowing that I finally have my own classroom.  I've been through so much to get to this point.  I started to think this day wasn't ever going to come.  And, really, I'm one of the lucky ones.  There are still several people I went to school with and graduated with that still haven't managed to find teaching jobs.  Teaching jobs in my area are pretty hard to come-by...so I have to count my blessings each and every day.

There isn't really too much I can get done today - being that I'm only able to take as much stuff as my small car will hold.  And the boxes I have are all huge.  So, it will take several trips over the course of the next couple of weeks to get all of my stuff moved in. Hubby owns a truck that would make the move of my stuff a lot easier - except his truck is old, and beaten up, and we're just not sure it's able to handle that kind of torture.

Peanut is excited to help me out with setting my classroom up.  Which is a huge relief to me.  She was so upset when I got this job, knowing it would take her out of the district she has been going to school.  She only went to that school district for a year - but she feels it was the best school year of her life.  She had such a rough time in our home town school district that it was nice for her to be able to make new friends and get a clean start.  And, only one year later, I'm making her do it all over again.  But, the initial upset seems to have passed and she, too, is excited about the start of our new lives.

She reminded me last night, during our drive home, that she hasn't forgotten making me promise to go to the gym at least three times this week.  She even commented that if I spent all week going to my classroom and doing all the doctor appointments that are set up, that Saturday and Sunday were still included in this week... so those would be two of the days if all else failed. I gotta love her support and spirit.  Who the heck needs a personal trainer when I've got her?  I have a feeling she won't let me slack off AT ALL.  She has already told me that she should smack me in the face for not going last week.  HA!

I know I'm all over the place today... but you can understand why.  I'm pounding away on the keyboard so that I can finish up and get ready to go.  I could have just waited on my blog post - but you all know that's just something I can't do. Writing my blog post each morning is a part of my ritual.  My day just doesn't seem to flow right if I don't do this first.  But, now I have...so it's time to get the kids up and get in the shower.

Till next time. ;)

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Kid-Free Week Weigh-In...This Ought to Be Good

I'm really kinda glad that I switched my weigh-in days from Wednesday to Sunday.  Sunday is the perfect day to say goodbye to the previous week, and a big HELLO to the next week.  It let's me know how I did for the past seven days, and what I'm working with for the next seven days.

I was actually pretty shocked when I stood on the scale this morning.  This week has been anything but perfect in my weight loss efforts.  But, it has been perfect in allowing me some quality time with Hubby, giving me some much needed relaxation time before I go back to the hustle and bustle of a full-time work schedule, and showed me that one week of "slacking off" makes a terribly huge impact in terms of my future weight loss goals. 

This next week ahead of me is going to start introducing me to a few of the challenges I will face once I'm back at work full time.  I will be working in my classroom on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  On Tuesday and Thursday, the kids have various doctor and dentist appointments.  Quite the busy week, but Peanut has made me promise that I will make it to the gym at least 3 times this next week.  Walking will be pretty much out of the question being that the temps are back up into the 100s each day - and don't even begin to get below 90 until after 9pm....sometimes 10pm. 

Being that I'm pretty much setting my own schedule for working - it shouldn't be too hard to figure out the best times to fit the gym in. 

But, you didn't come here to hear about all that, did you?  No, you want the numbers.  You want to know the meat of what this post is all about.  Well, don't let me keep you in suspense any longer.

Two weeks ago, I restarted this journey weighing in at 254.6lbs.
Last week, I had a great week and lost 2.2lbs giving me a weight of 252.4lbs.

This week, I was extremely shocked to see this:  251.8lbs. 
That means I've lost 0.6lbs this week.

Not great by any means - but it's not the small gain I had expected to see.  I'll take it!  After a week of only doing a tiny amount of working out and eating OK - but not perfect - I'm very happy to see a little loss.

My goal for this next week is to get myself back in to the 240s.  And I really need to meet that goal if I have any chance of reaching my three month weight loss goal of 40lbs by October 8th.  I have 11 weeks to lose 37.2lbs...or around 3.4lbs per week.  That's a very big goal, I know that... but I completely believe it's doable.

This afternoon, I have to go and pick up the kids.  I also plan on getting in to my parent's pool for a while and doing some swimming.  Not playing or relaxing - actual swimming.  I want to start the week off on the right foot.   I also need to start chugging my water again.

This week I bought a 52oz "Bubba" Mug.  The thing looks like a mini keg.  It's to go in to my classroom so that all day I have 52ozs of water to drink...just while I'm at work.  I figure if I'm pushing for a goal of 80ozs a day - I'll have no problem as long as I'm chugging from my mini-keg.  Until I go back to work, though, I will have to rely on drinking tons and tons of water all day long.  Whether it be drinking a cup each time I go in to the kitchen, carrying around my much smaller travel mug, or making sure I'm always buying bottles of water at the gas stations when I stop, I WILL get plenty of water in this week.

Today is grocery shopping day, too, which means stocking up on all the clean goodness I need to succeed this week. 

OK, time to go and figure out what I'm taking to my classroom tomorrow.  I'm so excited!  It feels so great to be able to say my classroom.  Oh, and I need to do the meal planner for this week, too.

Till next time. ;)

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So, Apparently I Really Need My Kids....

This week has been great.  I've got to do stuff I can't usually do when the kids are around.  Like go shopping - peacefully, go to the movies with the man I love, laze around the house in hardly any clothes.  TMI?  OK, my bad.  And just sit and enjoy the quiet.

But, the harsh reality is, I've realized I have to have my kids in the house.  With the fighting and arguing and whining.  Why?  You ask.  Well, because when I'm in the midst of fighting and whining and arguing - I'm pushed and motivated to get out of the house and exercise... just to get away from it.

It has become so apparently obvious this week that when the kids are away - Momma will sit on her behind and bask in the gloriousness that is peace and quiet.  She will opt for an afternoon of movie watching than working out in the gym.  She will lay on the couch complaining about the heat instead of putting up with the heat..because it sure beats sitting around and listening to one more kid complain about another kid.

I've learned that my kids are a HUGE factor in my weight loss motivation.  As bad or sad as that sounds.

And while I keep telling myself that my food consumption this week has been fine... I've really been kidding myself.  No, I haven't gone on a binge and eaten tons of crap food.  But, I've also swayed on the importance of eating every couple of hours.  I've found myself in a situation too many times of it being close to dinner time and realizing I haven't eaten all day.  Or, when I'm out and about in 100+ degree weather and should be guzzling water like my life depended on it - I'll admit I've had a Diet Dr. Pepper or too much vitamin water and hardly any real water.

So, it was no surprise when I stood on the scale this morning and saw a gain.  A small one, but a gain nonetheless.  I know it's not from too much eating - but more from the lack of eating and lack of water.  A serious lack of water.  And a serious lack of burning off some calories. 

It hurts my heart that only two weeks in to my new found motivation that I'll be posting a gain for my weigh-in tomorrow... but I've realized the problem and that problem will be fixed. 

And, I have to clear up that I don't believe my kids to be the only reason I make myself go to the gym.  But, it's more along the line of not wanting to "waste" Hubby and my alone time this week by doing something like going to the gym or spending an hour walking. 

I know that once Peanut gets home, she won't let me slack off anymore.  She told me that this morning.  She told me she's going to slap me in the face for not going to the gym all week...and made me promise that regardless of working in the classroom - I'll make myself go to the gym at least 3 times next week.  Who needs a personal trainer when I've got her, right?

But, she opened up that she's tired of the whining and complaining, too.  From me.  That I spend so much time whining and complaining about my weight - that it's time to get it off and KEEP it off.  What an amazing daughter, right?

So, even though this week has been anything but great in regards to my weight loss - it has been great in allowing me some time to reflect, get my priorities in order, and realize how much I desperately need my kids.. JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.

I don't have time worrying about what I should have done or could have done this week.  I deserved the break.  Not from losing weight, but from normal life.  But, I learned a valuable lesson about how much my "normal" life affects my weight loss efforts.

I'm not going to dwell on what the scale tells me tomorrow.  I'm not going to dwell on letting this week slip through my fingers.  I'm not going to let anyone think that I'm only two weeks in to my new weight loss journey and already losing momentum.  I most definitely am not!  Knowing my mistakes, understanding what I missed out on, identifying my motivators and triggers - were all lessons I needed to learn.  

And I did.  So, it's time to move on.

Back to life as usual.  The vacation will be over tomorrow. 

My life will take many turns and twists in the next few weeks.  I'm just gonna have to pull up my big girl panties - or future thin gal panties - and learn how to deal with it all. 

The clothes in my closet are depending on it.

And so am I!

Till next time. ;)

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Friday's Letters

Can you believe it's already Friday?  Where the heck has this week gone?  It seems like only yesterday, I was dropping the kids off at my parents' house and thinking about all the wonderful things I'd get to do this week without them.  And to be honest?  Besides the trip to Tulsa, we haven't done much at all.  I haven't done much.  I've only worked out once - which isn't good.  And then I spent a couple of hours walking around a mall on Wednesday.  I've really wanted to do some walking outside this week, but with the temps still close to 100 at 8pm - that hasn't happened, either. 

Don't worry, I'm not losing my motivation...I'm still pumped and motivated - and I'm bummed that I haven't done much exercise this week.  Next week will be better because I'll be spending time working in my classroom - lifting boxes, desks, and other stuff.  I'm not dwelling, because this week was supposed to be about relaxing and enjoying the kid free time.  And I think I did exactly that.  Enough of that, though.  Today is the day I write my Friday's Letters...

Dear Personal Trainer - I know I haven't been to the gym all week, and I'm sorry.  But, I'm also a little disappointed that you haven't called to check in on me.  I thought that's something you'd said you would do if you didn't notice me around.  Maybe hearing that you'd punch me in the face if I didn't get my rear in the gym may have pushed me to actually go.  Not that I'm blaming you for not going...just saying.

Dear Hubby - Last night, you added reason number 1,983,245 to the list of reasons I love you so much.  When you prepared this...

Baked salmon cooked with lemon on a small bed of basmati rice, and surrounded in cherry tomatoes, red onions, and bok choy lightly sauteed in olive oil.  Beautiful, tasty, and completely healthy.  I just love how you never stop impressing me with your cooking skills - and how you keep my healthy lifestyle in mind.

Dear Weatherman - When is the torture going to end?  Do you know how hard it is to go out and walk when it's 104 degrees outside?  And don't you dare tell me I can just go to the gym.  I know that.  But, I also have to think about what life is going to be like once I get back to work - and the gym...during the week... won't be an option.  This week, I was supposed to get plenty of exercise by walking.  In the past week, you've mentioned rain about three times.  Yet, there's been absolutely NO rain.  Not cool, weatherman, just not cool.

Dear Scale - What the heck has happened this week?  On Monday, you shocked the crap out of me with the number that I saw.  Today?  It's back up...and I don't know what happened.  OK, I haven't worked out as much... but I haven't eaten bad, either.  Maybe not perfect - but sure as heck not enough to gain 2lbs since Monday.  Were you tricking me?  Or were you trying to give me a glimpse of what could be if I continued the work-out momentum I had?  Either way, I wish you'd be a little more consistent.  It's very annoying, confusing, and frustrating to see such a change in a matter of a couple of days.

Dear Clothes in my Closet - Thank you for showing me that my clothing situation wasn't as bad as I thought it was.  When I went through and tried on every pair of pants I owned, I was shocked how many pairs of pants still fit me.  Or fit me now.  Not sure which it is, being that I haven't even attempted to put you on for a few months.  I can't believe that I still have so many pairs of size 18s that fit me.  Although I think it's very annoying that all of my name brand pairs of size 18s don't fit - while my non name brand size 18s fit.  It was tough bagging up the clothes that don't fit me right now... but I also know that it will only be a couple of weeks before I'm hanging you back up.  To the dismay of Hubby who thinks that I have plenty of clothes - and will be shocked when he sees how much stuff there is to go back in to my closet. 

Dear JC Penney & Cato - I sure was happy when I moseyed in to your stores on Wednesday, and found a few things that fit me... NOT in the plus size section.  I swore off buying any clothes until I was able to shop in the "normal" departments again.  I was shocked when you had such wonderful sales going on - and I was able to snag a few things to wear.  JCP, you provided me with some undergarments that are adorable.  Cato, you provided a new dress that I can wear as a skirt if I want - and it will adjust with me as I lose the weight.  Score, and score.

Dear Makers of Chocolate Wine - Yeah, I decided to buy a small bottle of Mint Chocolate Wine yesterday - as a little treat for myself.  Well, I'm happy and sad to say "meh".  It was OK, not great.  I definitely couldn't drink more than a glass.  I have always been a firm believer that chocolate goes with EVERYTHING - but Makers of the Chocolate Wine... you proved me wrong.  Chocolate and wine are not romantically involved.  They don't need to be married.  They are much better off single.  But, thanks for showing me that it is possible for me not to care that much for chocolate.

Alright... I suppose that's enough letters from me today.  I need to get my rear in the shower and get ready for my day out with Hubby.  We're going to the movies.  I feel like a teenager, again.  I don't think I've ever been to the movies with Hubby before - how sad is that?  But, we're going to the movies, and then out for a romantic dinner.  We're trying out a new Indian restaurant - and I couldn't be more excited.

Till next time. ;)

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I'm Thankful This Thursday

Not having children around the house has really allowed me to get in to my head and think.  That doesn't happen too often, because it's so noisy in this house - the only thought my head is usually processing is how I can legally tie the kids up and stick them in a closet.

But with no fighting kids, my head has wandered in to thinking about what's going on in my life right now...everything I have and have been blessed with...the struggles I've overcome...and the struggles I still have to face.

All this thinking has lead me to realize how much I truly have to be thankful for...and when I start making lists in my head - you know it's going to end up on this blog at some point.

So, today, I bring you a list of all the things I'm thankful for...

I'm thankful for my family.  Hubby, the kids, my parents.  Even when the kids are fighting, Hubby is obsessing over the new toy he must have, and my parents are asking me to do stuff I don't really want to do - I wouldn't trade a single one of them in for the world.  They make me who I am.  They accept me for who I am.  They support me in everything I want to do.  

I'm thankful for the challenges that life has thrown my way.  Nothing in my life usually goes the way I want it to.  I wanted to graduate from college and have a teaching job waiting for me.  I wanted to lose 100lbs before I became a teacher.  I wanted children that get along like the Von Trapp Family.  None of those things happened - but each of the things that did happen made me stronger, more powerful, and more determined.  I now have a teaching job, I am back on the horse to losing 100lbs, and the kids?  Well, nobody truly wants perfect children that break out in song at random moments - that would be even more annoying.

I'm thankful for stores like Saks Fifth Avenue.  Which I went in to for the first time in my life, yesterday.  It's stores like that - and the people who work there that give me looks that make me feel like Julia Roberts did in Pretty Woman when she was trying to buy a dress - that make me realize money isn't everything.  I knew Hubby with his pink hair, and me with the sweat dripping from my brow were being judged from every employee in the store.  But for the first time in my life - I didn't care what any of them people thought of us.  Even if I did have the money to spend $400 on a dress that I can buy in Wal-Mart for $18...I wouldn't spend it there.  Being in there made me laugh, and appreciate the smaller things in life.

I'm thankful for finding a principal that saw something in me she wanted to take a chance on.  I've said this before, but I'll say it again - trying to find a teaching job in this area when you don't have any "connections" is very hard to do.  I was told time and time again that I needed to build my connections to get me noticed - and I never wanted to believe that.  I already owe her so much - and I have only spent 30 minutes with the woman.  But she was able to instill something in me.... my go-get-em attitude.  No matter how many times I'm told I can't do something - the opportunity comes along to prove that I can.  And, I have a feeling that she will have a hand in continuing that belief in me with much more than my teaching profession.

I am thankful for all of the bloggers that, like me, tell their stories to the world each day.  Being able to see the struggles and triumphs of other "regular" people helps me do the same.  They give me hope.  They give me passion.  They also give me a connection to a world that - even after two and a half years - I'm still very unfamiliar with.  I would list all of the bloggers that have had some impact on my journey - but I would end up forgetting someone...and then feeling awful about it after.  So, to all of the bloggers whose blogs I visit each day - THANK YOU!

I am thankful for my blog followers.  You give me an audience, a mission.  I tell my story to you because like other bloggers do for me - I hope that if I'm able to reach out to one person who comes here for advice...then this blog has served a major purpose.  Reading your comments and emails are the highlights of my day - and I wouldn't be the same without them.  You push me to do more, you support me when I'm down, and you support me when I'm up.  

I am thankful for air conditioning.  Do I really need to explain that one?  If you're living in an area that hasn't seen rain in weeks, and with temperatures in the 100s every single day - then it's doubtful I need to say anymore.

I am thankful for being introduced to Clean Eating.  Even though I haven't perfected it - and it's still something I struggle with often - my body is very thankful.  I feel more energetic than I have in a long time - and my body's...urm... "functions" are a lot more appreciative.  Clean eating has also made me realize that healthy eating doesn't have to be boring or bland.  I can create....wait, who am I kidding?  Hubby can create tasty, filling, satisfying meals without fat, added sugar, or processed ingredients.

And lastly...

I'm thankful for my life, my health, and anything else I should be thankful for - but didn't pinpoint specifically here.  My new journey has really started to make some positive changes in my attitude and my outlook on life...and I'm basking in every minute of it.

What I'm not thankful for is the fact that I now have to go and do laundry and clean my room.  One day, I'll be thankful for the person that invented the laundry/housecleaning robot.

Till next time. ;)

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Shop 'Til I Drop? Doubtful..But Worth the Try

Today is the first day Hubby and I are actually adventuring out in to the wide world to do some fun kid-free activities.  Yes, the kids have been gone since Sunday...don't ask why it's taken us two days to actually do something.

This morning, Hubby sent in my new alarm clock to wake me up at 7:30am.  That would be Katniss, my kitten.  I've had to keep her out of the bedroom the past couple of nights, because she's started wanting to play at 3am.  And by play, I mean start biting my fingers to try and get me to pet her.  Yeah, it's cute - and I know she just wants attention - but I don't feel like playing at 3am.  So, now, the minute the bedroom door gets opened in the morning, she's waiting to pounce on me to wake me up.

So, as soon as I'm finished writing this wonderful, informative blog, I'll be going to get ready so that Hubby and I can head out.

We're going to spend the day in Tulsa, Oklahoma.  To go shopping.  It's about an hour and half away from me - and I've been there many times... but never to shop.  Actually, I've only ever gone to Tulsa for the zoo - and to pick my parents up from the airport.  Both are located on the outskirts of Tulsa...so I've never really gone in to the city to see what it had to offer. 

Up until last night, I had no idea that Tulsa had 5 malls.  FIVE.  One being a million+ square feet of shopping gloriousness.  Two are outdoor promenade type malls.  Hundreds and hundreds of department stores, boutiques, artsy, unique stores.  My heart is accelerating at just the thought of it.

The sad part is, though, I'm not really that excited about the shopping.  I'm still too big to think about buying clothes.  I don't want to buy clothes that fit me now... but it will be a little exciting to shop for some stuff that I'll be able to wear eventually.  Not to mention the fact that I also have a new classroom that will need stuff.  And there's shoes.  Haven't had a new pair of shoes in a long time.  Or a new purse for that matter.

But, regardless, I do love a day out shopping...and I'm excited about how much walking I'll be doing.  OK, so it won't be the normal cardio-focused walking.... but it's still walking.  And, as long as I'm moving - I'm happy.

I've realized that coming up with a week's worth of activities for Hubby and I is a lot harder than I thought it would be.  While I'm blessed beyond belief to have a Hubby that actually enjoys shopping - there's only so much shopping we can do.  The rest of the time, he wants to be out on his bike, and I want to be walking or working out.  Both things neither of the other enjoys. 

Tomorrow, both of us are going to enjoy doing our own stuff.  I'm going to they gym - despite saying I wasn't going to this week... because I miss the gym, and I need a really good work-out.  And Hubby is going to go for a long bike ride. 

Friday, we're going to catch a couple of movies....possibly even Magic Mike again.  I will officially have the coolest freakin' Hubby in the world if I can pull that off.  And, he wants to see Ted.  After the movies, it will be a romantic dinner at an Indian restaurant - and then home to enjoy each other's company.

At the end of the day, I realized that it's not about how much stuff we do but the time we get to spend together.  And that part has been wonderful.  He hasn't had to work, which has been amazing...so the time has been about quality time.  And I'm OK with that.

Alright, I'm getting the look that I need to get off here so that I can get ready so we can hit the road.  And I have to eat breakfast, first.  So...

Till next time. ;)

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Truthful Tuesday

Truthful Tuesday is something I started last week, in lieu of the previous True Confessions Tuesday posts I used to do.  To go with the new concept of being positive - I decided to ditch confessing all of my sins each week, and focus on the honesty of how I'm feeling with my progress and challenges.  

Although, I have to admit, I liked the clean cut version that went with TCT.  Starting each confession with "I confess" helped point me in the right direction... but the focus was all wrong.  It can't be all about the bad - it has to be about the good.  How I truly feel...what's honestly going on in my head with each struggle I overcome.  

My Peanut does this thing on Facebook called TBH (To be honest).  When friends "Like" her post, she gives them a TBH about that person.  I think it's kind of juvenile - but it can serve me a purpose here.  Instead of starting each statement with "I confess", I can start each statement with "To be honest..."  And, no, it's not the same thing.  You'll figure that out as you read what I have to say - I hope.

To be honest... I am feeling GREAT this week.  It truly is amazing how much change can happen to a person in a matter of a week.  I went from having knee and back pain, feeling lazy pretty much all of the time, and wanting to do nothing more than lay on the couch to a person who is already free of the aches and pains, someone who wants to be more active, and lazing on the couch is only reserved for late evenings - when it truly is time to let my body rest. 

To be honest... I can't believe the change that the scale has made since Sunday.  I had a little looksy this morning, just to get an idea of what's gone on since I last stood on the thing two days ago - and I'm shocked.  Good shocked, not bad shocked.  If this trend continues for the rest of the week - I'm going to be one ecstatic person when it's time to do my weekly weigh-in on Sunday.

To be honest... I sat down yesterday and had a long, hard think about what life is going to be like once I go back to work - which is as soon as next week.  I thought about how difficult it will be to get to the gym during the week, because I'll be working an hour away from the gym.  I thought about how I won't be able to rush out of the door at 3pm and simply rush down the street.  The gym will be too far away for that.  So, I figured that this week - I'd give myself a test run of not going to the gym all week.  And NO, this is not a cop out of not going to the gym while the kids aren't here.

To be honest... already this morning, I rearranged Jelly's play room.  She's going to be sharing it with me now.  I moved my home gym equipment out so that it's usable.  I have a full home gym, hand weights, a stability ball, and tons of DVDs.  I've decided to use them this week - along with getting out for a walk some evenings. I want to see what kind of progress I have using my own equipment with the work-outs that my PT made up for me.  I realized that I have all the weight equipment right here in the house to do my upper and lower body strength training.  I figure if I can do some walking during the week, get my strength training in at home, and then on the weekends head to the gym for some elliptical work - I'll be A-OK.

To be honest... I had my first internal struggle standing in front of a doughnut display case yesterday afternoon.  Hubby hadn't eaten all day - and started feeling a little funny.  He decided he needed to eat a doughnut to help him out a little.  As I stood there in front of the case, while Hubby made his selection, I started hearing that voice I haven't missed one bit this past week.  "You know you want one, one doughnut won't matter, you've been so good - why not treat yourself?"  I just stood there staring at those doughnuts.  And, then I literally said out loud "I don't want one!"  Hubby gave me a weird look - but I think he understood what was going on.  I walked away, with no doughnut, feeling pangs of desire - but sparks of pride as I overcome such an obstacle.

To be honest... I'm still very scared and nervous that my sudden boom in motivation and willpower will start to fizzle out and leave me hanging.  Even though I feel completely different, I still worry that I won't be able to keep my momentum.  It's little successes like the doughnut counter that gives me hope.  Taking one day at a time, is also really helping me keep focus.  I wake up each morning thinking about what I'm going to do that day to keep me going.  Standing on the scale is actually helping, too, and I never thought I'd admit to that.  But, now that I'm actually seeing my hard work start to pay off, it gives me a new burst of motivation each time I see a new number.  A lower number.  And even though my PT said he'll punch me in the face if I obsess over the scale - I've realized I have to obsess over it.  It's really helping - for a change.

To be honest... I'd love to stay and chat more, but I really need and want to go dust off my weights and get my work-out in.  Amazing, isn't it?


Till next time. ;)

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No Kids? For A Whole Week? Whhhaaattt??

Yesterday was a day I've been waiting a few weeks for.  I knew the day would come, but I was honestly getting pretty antsy about it...and wondering if it would ever happen.  But, it did.

You see, after I took care of my parent's foster kids for an entire month, I thought it only fair that my parents take my own children for a while.  Definitely not an entire month - but definitely not a measly little weekend, either.  We both agreed a full week would be sufficient enough.

And yesterday, that week started.

Peanut was already over at my parent's house, so I packed up Butter and Jelly and took them over and dumped dropped them off.  I hung out for about an hour, because my brother was visiting from North Carolina - but it didn't take me long to rush out the door and yell "Freedom!" similar to Mel Gibson in Braveheart.

I am a good mother, and I love my kids with everything inside of me.  But, sometimes I need a break.  I will be the first to admit that I'm not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom.  I just couldn't do it.  I'd rather stick hot pokers through my eyelids.  That's why I have so much respect for those women that are stay-at-home moms...and I will gladly admit that doing that is the hardest job on the planet BY FAR!  And, you will never hear me complaining about how much money I make at work...cause I make myself remember how much SAHMs make.  Nothing.  They make nothing.  For the hardest job on the planet. 

And I know that it's weird me saying that, when I make my profession as a teacher - which is spending all day with other people's children.  But it's not the same.  By a long shot.  Maybe it would be different if I could make my own children sit for 6 hours a day and give them assignments and such - but I'm pretty sure they'd hate me for the rest of their lives.  I know I can't bring my classroom in to my home.  And because so, I have to do SAHM duties like extinguishing arguments, dividing up TV time, and making my dinner table look like a craft fair.  Not to mention laying the law down that in no universe will I allow the pre-teen to spend all day long staring at the computer.  No matter how much she whines about how unfair it is. 

So, I've been off work for the past two months, with my children....and this break was much needed.  There's only so much whining and fighting and complaining I can take.  And there's the guilt.  The guilt of not being able to take them on vacation or to cool theme parks - because I can't afford it (this year).  Being at my parents is like a vacation for them.  She has a giant 33ft pool to keep them occupied...and really, that's all my kids need to feel like they are on a fancy vacation.

But, now I have an entire week with no children and I can't help wonder what the heck I'll do.  My first thought was "I'm going to spend a ton of time at the gym".  That never happens.  The thought, I mean.  Who gets a break from their kids and declares that they'll spend their free time working out at the gym?  Apparently, me. 

There's also other stuff I want to do...just Hubby and I.  I just haven't figured out exactly what that other stuff is, yet.  Alone time, for us, just doesn't happen very often.  Add to the mix that Hubby has to work at night.. and that doesn't leave us with many options.  We can catch a movie.  We can go out for a romantic dinner.  But beyond that?  I'm stumped. 

I hate that the other thought of something to do that popped in to my head is deep clean my house.  Yes, my house needs a deep clean, but do I want to spend my week off doing that?  Heck no!  But, I can guarantee that'll end up happening.  UGH!

I guess I'll take one day at a time - and see what happens.

Today, though, I know I'm going to the gym.  I have my upper body work-out to get in.  I'm getting myself more in to a routine of doing my strength training at the gym, and my cardio while walking.  It's not a routine I really want to get in to.  I need to be at the gym more - so I can push myself a little harder with the elliptical.  I'm going to try and do my walks on the weekend, and keep myself at the gym during the week.

But, then, I just realized that can't really happen - cause I got word from my principal this weekend that I'll have access to my classroom starting July 23rd.  Which is next week.  And you all know how much I've been dying to get in to my classroom.  So, I got a few things to figure out...and make some needed adjustments.  But, I know it will all work out.

Time to go find some kid-free things to do...

Till next time. ;)

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