Thursday, July 05, 2012

A New Spin on Independence Day

I want to start out by saying a very big THANK YOU to all of the military personnel who have ever served or continue to serve to defend our country.  Independence Day is a tribute to you - and I will always be grateful for your service.

However, that's NOT what today's post is about.

Today's post is about an Independence Day - but not the kind that happens every July 4th with grills, pools, and fireworks.  This one is different.  It's just been created.

It is MY Independence Day.

You see, for months I have been locked away.  In a prison of self-despair, self destruction, and self sabotage.  Those things have all been my walls, and the excuses I use are my chains.  I have tortured myself into thinking that I'm not worth the work.

I have continually told myself that I would eventually get back my freedom.  Tomorrow.  It's always tomorrow.  Tomorrow, I will break free from the chains.  Tomorrow, I will escape the prison.  But I haven't.  I have continued to add more and more concrete to the walls that are now so high, I barely see daylight over them.

I don't want to be locked away, anymore.

This morning, while looking around for a picture to use for my post, I found the one at the top of the page.  I actually teared up when I read the quote.

"Freedom has it's life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit of men.."

My heart has wanted to be free, but the actions and spirit I have demonstrated prevented it.  My heart has cried while I've performed the actions of stuffing my face with food, refusing to work out, and complaining about the scale continuing to rise.  My spirit was crushed.  For some reason I kept telling myself that I just didn't have it in me anymore.  I had gone on with failing far too long to ever free myself.

" must be daily earned and refreshed - else like a flower cut from it's life-giving roots, it will wither and die"

I have continued to hack away at the stem of my motivation, cutting it away from the roots of my willpower.  Day after day, excuse after excuse, I have been wilting, fading, dying inside.  When all along, I've known that the mentality of starting fresh every day is the promise of freedom.  The promise of hope.  The promise that I can break free, make the changes I need to make.

I have to earn it every day.

I have to keep it refreshed.

Or the flower that is slowly fading inside of me will be gone - forever.

So, I have to break free.  I have to release the chains, knock down the walls, and soak in the sunlight of success.  It won't happen overnight.  It's taken months to build up these walls, it will take months to tear them down... but I just have to make the first step at chiseling.

Today is the day it all turns around.

The chains have been released...and the excuses that kept them held firm.

If I want to my flower to bloom, again, I have to take the steps to repair the damage.  The gym, my food, my mentality.  It all changes TODAY.

Tomorrow is no longer a word in my vocabulary.  Tomorrow never comes.  I only have time for today.  The here and now.

Freedom isn't handed out, it's earned.  And it's high time I earned mine.

Happy Independence Day - To me!

Till next time. ;)


  1. Joanna, I love this post and the quote you shaped it around. It really rings true for so many different reasons.

    You've hit a rough patch and that happens ~ but I've always known you were not out of the game. If you were, you would not have blogged anymore. But you kept on going and though it's been hard to watch you struggle, I have appreciated your honesty. Anyone interested in reading a weight loss blog can relate to it.

    I'm realllllllllly happy to hear that you have released yourself from the excuses and are ready to make some good, positive changes in your life. Exercise is awesome, good diet is critical. You know what to do. Do it, girl!! Love you and always pulling and thinking of you in NY! xo

  2. Thank you!!! You know, you're so right. I knew if I ever stopped writing my blog, then it was game over. I come here everyday because it reminds me that I just can't quit - no matter how defeated I feel.

    I really think I've got to the rock-bottom point that is going to force me to turn it all around. I just can't make any more excuses. I've always been able to blame the fact that I couldn't find a teaching job as the stress that caused my set-backs...well, I don't have that excuse anymore so there's no reason I'm not fighting and getting back on the horse.

    I love ya too, and you have no idea how much it means to me to have you by my side. You are may hero - and I plan on making you really proud. I plan on making myself really proud. I know I can do it.


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