For the past two years, I have been living inside the persona of a Mad, Fat Woman who was "trying to lose a bunch of weight while juggling a full time job, raising three kids, and becoming sane in the process."
And you know what? It didn't work.
I was able to juggle a full time job, and raising three kids... but the weight loss was inconsistent at best - and come on, we all know I didn't get any more sane. Am I right?
So, yesterday, I decided I just had to start over. Wipe the slate clean, and begin a brand new journey. One that didn't include as much juggling - but more focus and clarity.
My original plan was just to declare I was starting over yesterday... but wiping the slate clean means exactly that - wiping away the old and replacing with the brand new.
Two years ago, I liked being the "Mad, Fat Woman". It was catchy, a little humorous, and did really fit my mentality and who I was. At that time, I was in the midst of going to college full time, working part-time, raising my children, having to take care of household responsibilities - all while I was determined to lose weight. It was a crazy life.
Since that time, I've tetter-tootered over the two most important goals in my life: To become a teacher, and lose weight. When I was succeeding in my quest to become a teacher, I was succeeding in my weight loss goals. When I wasn't doing so well with getting a teaching job, I wasn't doing so well with losing weight. They both fit together - hand in hand.
But now? Things are different.
After four long years of college, a year of student-teaching, and a year of working as a teaching assistant because I wasn't able to secure a teaching job after graduation, I am finally able to declare that my life long goal of becoming a teacher has been reached. In exactly one month, I will be setting foot in to my classroom as a 4th grade teacher.
For twenty-five years, I've wanted to be a teacher - and now the time has come.
But, now that goal has been attained, it's time to move to the secondary goal... because in all honesty, (that part hasn't and will never change) the teaching job was my first priority.
For the past twelve years, I've had another goal....to lose weight and be fitter.
And in order to do that, I just have to start over. New mentality. New persona. New outlook.
I don't want to be a Mad, Fat Woman anymore. I don't want to juggle anymore. I just want to get on with my life, enjoy my new adventures, and focus on working hard and watching the weight melt away.
Enter: Future Thin Woman.
So much more positive sounding, don't you think?
The idea to change my blog title and description came to me after watching Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition last night. I am behind, but I watched the first two episodes from this season. Both completely different stories, but both able to resonate with me... big time.
The first story was about a man who had been over weight for 38 years. He was 49 years old, and wanted to lose half his body weight before his 50th birthday. He weighed in at 398lbs. He described having lived his whole life putting everyone else first: His family, his son who had cerebral palsy, his new fiance. And for the first time in his life, he was ready to do something for himself. Over the course of the year, he lost his 28 year old son, he broke things off with his fiance, he was homeless... but he kept fighting. On his 50th birthday, he weighed in at 198lbs. He had lost 200lbs over the course of a year.
The second story was about a woman who wanted to give her husband a family, but due to her weight wasn't able to. She weighed 355lbs. She was disgusted by her appearance. She didn't believe in herself. She felt like the biggest failure in the world. She was scared to try anything new, because if she couldn't do it - she felt like she let everyone down. She had to learn that she just had to keep going, discover what she was capable of doing, and bring out the inner thin person. And she did. Over the course of the year she lost 207lbs.
Both amazing stories. Both touched me on a personal level.
So, that was it... I new that the Mad, Fat Woman had to go, and the Future Thin Woman had to take her place.
Yesterday morning, I weighed 254.6lbs.
The time had come to start over, make new commitments, set different goals.
This is me yesterday morning...
And, then I went out...and I walked 3.6 miles in 90 degree weather.
It was hot. It was hard. But I did it.
And then, I came home and devoured this...
I drank tons of water. I ate great all day. I felt like the slate had been wiped clean... I really was/am starting over.
I have to take Butter to his doctor's appointment, but when I get back...there's work still to be done. I'm revamping the blog. No more trace of the Mad, Fat Woman anywhere...except in her history. She won't be missed... but she also won't be forgotten.
Till next time. ;)