I'm in a little of a tizzle this morning. Tizzle is a word. It means a little frantic, not too frantic. A little concerned, but not too concerned. A lot unprepared - even though I'm really not. And feeling really guilty - even though I don't really have anything to feel guilty for.
You see, I did something this weekend that is bad. Really bad. And now it's left me with the above after effects.
I took the entire weekend off and didn't do a lick of work The. Entire. Time.
I know. I'm just as shocked and appalled as you are. How dare a first year teacher take an entire weekend off when there is no extended time off, no rhyme or reason, and a full week of classes awaiting me!
Saturday, I went out and met Hope and Sanity for lunch...that lasted three hours. We sat and talked and laughed and talked some more. Before any of us knew it, we'd been sitting for three hours. I had planned on having lunch and then spending the rest of the day shopping. That didn't work out exactly, but I'm not complaining. Having a three hour lunch is to be expected when it's the first time all three of us have gotten together since school started three months ago.
I did get some shopping done. And I have at least got a nice chunk of my Christmas shopping done - even though there's plenty left to do.
Yesterday, the plan was to spend the morning getting all of my work done - and then relaxing in the afternoon. But, then Hubby wanted me to go grocery shopping with him...and by the time we got home, I did not feel like sitting in front of my computer. So, I sat on the couch instead. I even took a nap at some point.
Then, I agreed to cook dinner. I know, another shocking moment for you to process. I'm just full of surprises and shock today.
This morning, I woke up in a state of panic. I hadn't done any of my work. I have plans to write, tests to make, a sub to prepare for this week. What was I thinking?
And then I remembered something.
I did the majority of my work before leaving Friday. I wrote out my plans. I got all of my grades entered. I had a few minor things I had planned to do this weekend - but nothing that would completely derail my week if I didn't get it done.
But, it feels so weird that I'm now in a state of Tizzle. I feel frantic because I haven't sat down and carefully calculated all of my plans this week. I'm concerned because I feel like I'm forgetting something that I should have taken care of - and because I didn't do any work, I don't know what that is. I feel unprepared because I always spend so much time going over and over my plans that I know them inside and out on Monday morning. Not so much this morning, even though I know they are written and all I have to do is look at them when I get to school. And the guilt stems from the fact that I'm still in this mindset that I am a first year teacher - and all first year teachers are expected to spend every waking minute up to their eyeballs in work.
I'm feeling all of those feelings this morning, but I'm also feeling a lot more relaxed that I've felt in a long time. I feel like I really got to enjoy my weekend as it was happening - rather than planning it around how much time I needed to work.
I don't plan on making a habit of not working on the weekends... but I realized this weekend that I don't always have to. If I just put in a little extra work during the week, then maybe.. just maybe... I can have a full weekend off now and then to enjoy myself.
I may just have to get used to feeling a little in a tizzle.