In a few short weeks, I'll be writing a special post for Jelly. That's because in a few short weeks - three weeks to be exact...to the day....it will be Jelly's 5th birthday.
It's such a scary feeling for me. It's not like I haven't been through this twice before, but this year is different. Jelly is my last child. The last baby I had and will ever have. And in my mind, five is the year where they move out of baby mode into the independent (kinda) "I'm not a baby anymore" mode.
Yesterday, when I picked her up from school, I heard something I didn't expect to hear for quite some time. "Mommy, my tooth is lose".
Upon further inspection, it appeared that her front bottom tooth was indeed lose. Really lose. Like it won't be very long before that sucker is out.
How did this happen? Babies aren't supposed to lose their teeth. That's supposed to happen once they start school!
Hearing those five words almost brought tears to my eyes. They put a lump in my throat. Here I was thinking I had a few weeks left to cherish and bask in the last of the baby days... and here she is speeding things along with the talk of a loose tooth.
I remember that five was about the age of Peanut and Butter when I started getting the urge for another child. I started connecting the dots that they didn't need me as much. Sure, they still needed me to cook for them, and clean for them, and do all the motherly duties I will have to do until they reach the age of 18. But, it was the little things... getting them dressed, tying shoes, kissing a boo-boo, rocking them off to sleep in my arms that were fading away. Once in a blue moon, if I could really persuade them, I'd get an evening of snuggling on the couch after they reached the five mark. But, it didn't occur near as much as it did prior to the transition from four to five.
I can honestly say, I don't have those cravings this time around. I know that I'm done. My pregnancy and birthing days are over. No more babies. Which is why this time around is probably a lot harder to swallow.
Jelly has always been one step ahead of the game, though. A few weeks ago, she discovered how to tie her own shoes. For months, she's been insisting on getting herself dressed - even picking out her own clothes on most days. She fixes her own flavored water. And two nights ago, she went in to the kitchen and made herself a slice of bread with butter on it - all by herself.
She's years ahead of her age.
One thing that hasn't gone, yet anyways, is her desire to want to snuggle. Most nights, she wants to lay on the couch with me and she'll fall sleep in my arms. If by some chance, she's gone to bed by herself... which is something else she does quite regularly... then she may sneak in to our bed in the middle of the night and want to snuggle up next to me.
I wonder how many other mothers feel the way I do? Especially if they've decided that there will be no more children.
Oh well. Time to suck up my meloncholyness. My children are growing up - nothing I can do about that. I just need to cherish all of my moments. Spend every bit of time I can soaking it all up. She may be officially moving out of baby mode in to growing up to fast mode... but that doesn't mean I have to really accept it. She will always be my baby. In fact, all of my kids are and will be. Even if they don't appreciate it now as much as they did when I was changing those stinky diapers. HA!