Sunday, July 21, 2013

Hello Rain! And Other Ramblings

It's been such a beautiful morning.  I've been sitting on my patio since around 9am - minus the time I went in to take a shower - just listening to the rain and enjoying the cooler temperature.

My patio has become almost like a living room to me.  I've really enjoyed just sitting outside and enjoying the fresh air, the sound of the birds, and not letting stuff like TV clog up my senses.  But, with the summer hitting us pretty hard, my patio time has been reserved for early mornings and late evenings.

Today, I can sit outside at noon, and it feels wonderful.

I can't enjoy a full day of doing nothing but listening to the sound of the rain, however.  Right now, I'm just waiting for the kids to get ready and we'll be heading on over to my parent's house.  

The original plan was that we'd go over and the kids would swim, and this afternoon I was going to have my first riding lesson on a horse.  But, with the rain, and the fact that my lesson couldn't be done until 7pm...the plans have had to change.

We're still going over there, but if the kids want to swim - it will be in the rain, and I'm not staying at my parents house until 7pm just so my brother can get me up on a horse.

As much as I want to learn to ride a horse, I can't say that it's something that's eating at me to try.  Sure, it's on my bucket list... but far enough down that I'm not going to go riding in the rain or wait until  the sun starts going down to do it.  I'll get to it, eventually, just not today.

My brother, bless his heart, has become obsessed with horses.  He purchased his first horse several months ago, and after realizing that it wasn't going to be a horse he could ride - he sold it and bought a new one.  The one he has is too young to ride, at the moment, but he plans on getting it there when it's old enough.  

He's desperate to find a family member that's enthralled and as passionate about riding and horses.  I guess I'm the closest thing he's going to get.  I've loved horses my whole life, and always wanted to own one.  That was until I grew up and learned how expensive and hard it was to actually buy, feed, and take care of one.  He managed to turn my dream in to his reality... but unfortunately, he's about 20 years too late to catch me in my horse obsession.

One thing my brother does know about me, however, is that I'll support him and encourage him in just about anything he gets passionate about.  Our relationship is like that.  I'm probably the closest with my brother over all of my other siblings.  And vice versa.  Whenever he has a problem or needs someone to talk to, I'm there for him.  And I love that our relationship is like that... even if I do get drug in to stuff that's a little overwhelming for me.

Being the oldest of six kids, I wish I could say that we are all a tight knit family.  But, that's not true.  In fact, I don't have any form of a relationship with three of my siblings.  I am close to the two that still live at home.  My 17 year old sister and I are pretty close, but nothing compared to how I am with my 16 year old brother.  My sister is in that spiral of being boy crazy, clothes crazy, and appearance crazy.  I'm about 15 years too late for that craze.  My brother is work crazy, animal crazy, and prefers the company of Hubby and I than any number of teenagers.  That works for me.  

He's perfectly content coming to my house, sitting out on the patio with us, and telling us all about his horse, his farm, and his future plans to own a horse ranch.  Good for him.  Who am I to rain on his parade?  If that's his ambition in life - I will stand by and give as much encouragement as I can.  That's what big sisters are for, right?

In all honestly, I think that I do what I do for my brother because he's almost like my last chance of having a strong, lasting relationship with a sibling.  The brother below me has moved on, lives halfway across the country, and we don't see each other except for Christmas.  We don't text or Facebook or call each other.  It's not something that has happened over the years, truth is - we've never been that close.  My memories of my childhood that involve my brother mostly consist of my mom breaking up fights...both physical and verbal.  

My next brother has gone off in to the wilderness with his wife and two kids.  While I was much closer with this brother growing up, he's not the same person anymore.  He has completely cut ties with pretty much the entire family.  I couldn't even tell you where he lives.  It changes so often that it's hard to keep up with it.  He's in this demented mindset that the world is out to get him...and he won't be a slave to "the man".  Whatever the hell that means.  One thing is for sure, his wife is more important than his family...and if she doesn't want anything to do with us, he has nothing to do with us.

My oldest sister is a mess.  Well, she was.  She's started to get on the right path, but the path of destruction she's left behind is too much for me to forgive and forget right now.  I chose not to have anything to do with her... but I still hold on to hope that one day, she'll come out OK.  And even though I know in my heart that I'll never be able to be close to her - there may come a day where I can at least stand to be in the same room she's in.

That leaves my youngest siblings.  I already have started to feel some distance fall between my sister and I.  She and I just aren't "in" to the same stuff.  But, I hold on to the fact that once she starts to calm down and get out of her teen mentality, there's a possibility that we'll continue to be close.  I want that more than anything  

I get the feeling I will never have to worry about that when it comes to my brother and I.  As he gets older and settles down with a family of his own, we'll still be close.  We'll spend time around each other.  We'll call, spend time at each other's houses (and not just for holidays), attend each other's special occasions like kids' sporting events, graduations, family picnics.  

That's really why it's so important to me to be involved now...stay positive and supportive to whatever crazy obsession he's involved with.  Because I refuse to allow us to stray apart, become disconnected, lose touch.  I'm making an investment in to our future.  I put in the time now, to really have the relationship with a sibling that I've always dreamed about.

And now I realize why I enjoy sitting outside in the rain so much.  Cause I come up with revelations like this beauty.  Who'd have thought that a post that started about rain could end up with this?

Crazy what my brain comes up with when my fingers get to do the talking, huh?

OK, time to start heading to my parent's house.

Enjoy your Sunday!


1 comment:

  1. I loved reading about your relationships with your siblings. I have three siblings, and I've had to accept the fact that my sister and I have grown so far apart -- because of her anger toward me -- that there's no chance we'll ever have a good relationship again. She's mad at all of us, though, so I know it's not me, but still. Don't we all want to have the perfect family? And none of us do. So thanks for writing about that.


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