Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Back in Time Tuesday - One Year

It was harder than I thought thinking of what time in my life I wanted to share with you all.  There have been so many.  I figured before I got too weepy and serious with this topic, I'd start out with my life a year ago.

I wish I could tell you exactly what I was doing on September 21st, 2009, but I can't so I will go back to "around this time" last summer.  The reason I can't tell you exactly what was going on a year ago today was because I wasn't keeping up with my blog at that point.  That's because, once again, I'd given up on trying to lose weight.  My blog had been started.  I'd made a few wishy-washy posts and I'd made a few solid posts that spanned a few days.  Reading back on some of the posts I made has given me the chuckles.  No wonder I didn't commit. 

On June 18th, 2009 I started a 60 day challenge.  I declared that diets don't work - my motto now - but reading the posts it's clear to me that I didn't know what those words meant. I began a 60 day challenge that was supposed to "retrain" my body to eat healthier - yet, it meant doing unhealthy things to my body.  I started out on a liquid diet for two days, then slowly started adding real food...hmm, don't know about you but that definitely sounds like a diet to me.  Regardless of how crazy the diet was, I managed to stick to blogging about it for a whopping 45 days.  That I'm impressed about. 

I remember doing this.  At the time, I was so desperate I was willing to try anything.  When failure knocks at your door time after time after time, you begin to start grasping at straws.  Of course I look back now and say "what was I thinking?"  But the truth of the matter is, I know exactly what I was thinking.  I was thinking that I would do anything it took to lose weight - yes, even if that meant starving myself, liquid diets, no meat or carbs, etc.  Was it smart? No.  Did it work? Heck no.  That's not the point.  I needed the proof.  Before I could REALLY get into the mindset that diets don't work, I had to try them.  When a fat person is bombarded with TV ads, books, and "magic" pills telling you that they work - you begin to get curious.  After struggling for so long, I had to find out the hard way. 

The days after starting this "rehab" as I referred to it, were hard for me.  I was so determined to make it work.  I'm so surprised that I lasted 45 days - it was hard.  It was the final few days that has stuck with me, though.  I remember waking up, getting out of bed, and feeling dizzy.  I remember watching my kids and Hubby enjoy the foods they loved - the foods I loved - and giving myself the daily pep talk that I had to control myself, avoid the temptations that lurked around every corner.  I remember stopping at stores on my way home from work or school and buying a candy bar or some popcorn chicken and then inhaling them - and feeling guilty for hours after and then starving myself and working out extra hard the next day as "punishment" for my weakness.  Then, finally, after 40 days of literally torturing myself, I began to slip.  I just couldn't do it anymore.  Once again, I had failed.  That's a feeling that lasts a very long time, especially when trying to lose weight.  I headed straight into a whirlwind of packing the pounds back on.  Once I realized that it was game-over, I couldn't get enough junk food.  Not so slowly, the weight started to come back on, my depression started coming back, and I just decided I was through - I was going to be fat forever, and nothing was going to work.

What an amazing feeling it is to look back at myself now.  In just one year, the transformation is AMAZING! I'm not just referring to what I look like, either.  I went from a woman desperate to lose weight to a woman that just wants to be healthy and fit.  I went from a woman that will torture herself to lose a few pounds to a woman that loves to eat, loves to exercise, and is enjoying life.  I don't stress about calories or enjoying a sweet treat or having a beer with friends.  I don't punish myself for it, either.  I live life in the real world.  I eat healthy 90% of the time, and not so healthy the other 10% - I'm OK with that.  I don't work-out to punish myself, I do it because it makes me feel good.  It's not just about me, either, and this was the key ingredient to my success.  Once I got my family on board - it was easy sailing.  Eating healthy is a lifestyle change - and one that should be done with the whole family.  I love hearing people tell me that the reason they can't eat healthy is because their family would never do it.  A year ago, I would of told you the same thing.  The truth of the matter, though, is that we eat better than we ever have before - and I'm talking taste, people!  Healthy foods have a bad wrap.  I can count on one hand the amount of times my family has eaten salad for dinner.  It's not about eating bland, boring food - we eat exciting, tasty, hearty meals and my family can't get enough of it. 

At the end of the day, I have managed to accomplish a major feat.  I have lost 57lbs in 8 months.  Yes, losing weight has been a high priority for me - but in reality, the weight loss has just been the cause and effect to my lifestyle change.  I won't lie and say it was super easy - but it wasn't exactly hard, either.  Once I got the support of my family, the desire to try new things, and realized that I had to quit worrying what the scale was saying... life was and is different. 

So, that's my flashback story for today.  It was great, for me, to recollect the "old me".  I need to do that every now and then, so I'm happy that I'm trying this new blog idea.  Now, it's time to get ready for work.

Have a great day!
Till next time.  ;)


  1. The metal success you are describing is amazing. It's why you are still *here* still blogging, 50+ lbs lighter, a year later. Your mind is in the game. Very cool :)
    Thanks for sharing girl. Very motivational!!

  2. I just found your blog today. Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm not exactly where you are yet....I admit to "sneaking" food (sounds so moronic to admit it). I'm working through a lot of my issues. I think your blog will be quite therapeutic for me. Feel free to check out mine and I welcome any and all advice!

    PS - Your 2 year old sounds like mine! :-)


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