I have to say, I'm really liking having a topic starter each day. It's so much easier to think of things to talk about - when it's narrowed down for me. Today, it's Throw it Down Thursday - meaning I get to discuss what's going on in my life outside of trying to lose weight.
This week has been a long week. Monday and Tuesday I was battling a bad headache. Tuesday morning, I had my first "formal evaluation" of my teaching. The lesson I had chosen to teach didn't go as well as planned, but it worked out just fine. It's amazing how nerve racking it is to have someone sit there and watch you teach while they are writing away on a notebook. I'm not usually a nervous type of person. I don't get stressed out by tests or being observed, but for some reason - Tuesday I got nervous. Luckily, I have an amazing group of first graders that didn't seem to pick up on my nervousness and did the best they could with my confusing ramblings and directions.
Yesterday, I really felt like running. That was until I got to the end of school and had to go to a staff meeting. For some reason, sitting at the staff meeting really brought out how exhausted I was. I know that if I had just gone for the run - I would of felt better, but nope...I didn't. Instead, I came home but when I got home I played some PlayStation Move with Hubby. After 30 minutes of playing Gladiator and Archery, I was dripping sweat and I felt like I had just done a 30 minute cardio work-out. After that, I realized that this "toy" was going to be a great tool to use to work-out.
There's a quick wrap up of my week so far - now on to something a little more "serious". For the past four years, I have been dealing with some behavioral problems with Grover. Last year, things got so bad he had to be transferred to a special school that specializes in kids that have behavioral issues. At first, it really seemed to help. Then it started getting bad again, so after a lot of trying different things and consideration, it was determined that he needed to be placed on medication. This bothers me. I worked in a counseling office for about 4 years, and while I was there I swore that I would never put my own child on any type of medications for behavioral problems. It came down to an ultimatum, though, that he tries the medication or he had to be placed in a residential treatment facility. I don't want my son in a place like that, so I decided to try the medicine. I would love to be able to say that it's working - but unfortunately, that's not the case. He's getting into trouble daily - and I'm not just talking about minor stuff. He walks out of the classroom whenever he feels like it, he lies constantly to them and me, he rallies up his classmates to "revolt" against their teacher, and yesterday I found out that he's spitting on kids and doing other terrible stuff on the school bus. Have I mentioned that he's only 9? It's so painful not knowing what I can do to change things. I'm in the process of becoming a teacher. I'm being given the responsibility of teaching 24 kids how to behave - and succeeding - yet, I'm unable to get my own son to behave at school. It's so frustrating, emotionally draining, and I really don't know what to do.
He's such a smart kid. At home he's good - for the most part - but it's like he becomes a completely different child once he goes to school. He tells me he hates school, which as a teacher-to-be pains me. As a mother, I know that it's because of the problems he's had for the past four years. Before going to his current school, the school he attended dealt with his behavior by placing him in permanent in-school suspension. Every day, he sat in a small office. He never had recess, he never interacted with other kids - no wonder he hated school. I really thought that putting him in a school that specializes in situations like his would be so good for him. He participates in group therapy, he gets recess, he gets to socialize - but he still hates it, and does everything in his power to show it. We have literally tried everything I can think of to help him: positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, rewards, consequences... nothing seems to phase him. If we do manage to find something that works, it will last maybe a few days - and then he's right back doing what he usually does.
I'm not sure why I've chosen to share this today - maybe it's because I just need to get it out of my system. My therapeutic haven is this blog. I even tried doing the same thing with Grover. I gave him a journal that he could use every day to write in whenever he got mad, bored, or just needed something to do. It worked for a few days - and now he has no idea where the journal is. This evening I will be meeting with his counselor, once again, to discuss his behavior. I have no idea what they are going to say, what the next options are...all I know is I'm scared for him. He's so young and I love him so much - I just hate not knowing what I can do to make things better for him. That is a horrible feeling for any parent. All I know is I will do anything it takes - and hope that one day, he will look back on his childhood and know that regardless of what he did in school, his mother never gave up on him and did everything in her power to make his life better.
Till next time. ;)