As with all challenges I've participated in...my numbers show that I haven't done everything I could have to really put forth my best effort with this challenge. I thought I could really use it to my benefit - and help give me a good start at losing some serious poundage.
Want to know how much I've lost in 6 weeks? 0.2lbs. That's it. Yep. I am only 0.2lbs lighter today than what I was 6 weeks ago.
Here's the pic from this morning...
It has the same numbers as my picture from last week. No more, no less.
It's never fun to admit to you that I have failed. I let a good opportunity pass me by. I could have buckled down, done a lot more, and really had great success with this challenge...but I didn't.
It wasn't all a complete failure. I mean, I found myself again...sorta...hidden in the laziness and self wallowing, I found the girl that wanted to be fit and healthy....again. My actions just haven't reflected my spirit...or it was a little too much, too late.
Whatever it is, I have realized one important thing: I can't expect a weight loss challenge to motivate me to work harder and lose weight. If I'm not motivated in the first place, being in a competition isn't going to help. If anything, competing just makes it worse. I end up feeling like a bigger failure.
I have decided that until I'm back on the road to gung-ho motivation, this will be my last challenge that I participate in.
I have to stop living in a delusional world that fun challenges and prizes are going to make me do what I need to do to lose the weight.
I have only one person to beat, one person standing in my way...and that person is me.
If I can't take on myself - then I sure as heck can't expect to take on people that have motivation running through their veins. They will be the victorious...until I can put myself in their league. Which I can...I just have to do the work to get there.
In the past two weeks, I have seen a difference in myself. I'm back to planning my meals again. I've ventured out for a couple of walks. I've gone grocery shopping and haven't picked up any junk food.
I knew the day after Halloween that I had a fire inside of me that had rekindled. I didn't even blog about it - but it's one of my biggest victories to date. I didn't hit the grocery stores the day after Halloween and stock up on the clearance candy.
I know that sounds petty... but to me? That's huge. I can't remember a single year where the day after Halloween isn't my biggest candy extravaganza. Seriously. There have been years where I've taken a drive to Wal-Mart at 2am...just so I get the best pick of the clearance candy. If that's not troubling - I don't know what it.
This year? I didn't go. I didn't even tempt myself. I stayed away from the stores until the following weekend. There was still clearance candy when I did finally make an appearance at my local Wal-Mart...but I just kept walking straight past it. I didn't even want to look at it. Not because I thought I would be tempted - but because I just wasn't interested.
I haven't even given my kids' candy bags a look. I haven't rummaged through their loot looking for "the good stuff". Nope. This year, they've got all the candy to themselves....which, surprisingly - they haven't really been that interested in.
I know that the next few weeks are going to possess some real challenges for me. Thanksgiving and Christmas are always hard. I'm not going to be naive enough to think that I'll get through the two holidays without splurging a little. But, the important thing is going to be self control.
Even still...at the end of the day...if I don't manage to lose much weight between now and the New Year, I have big hopes for 2012. I have a solid feeling that next year will be my year. Huge victories are coming for me...I can feel it.
So, my friends, even though I post miserable results from this challenge - it's not going to break me down. It's only going to make me stronger. I know that I can pull off whatever I want. The fire has been lit again - I just have to keep it going. I know I can do it.
Till next time. ;)
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