Tuesday, November 29, 2011

True Confessions.... Cause It's Just Better to Get it Out in the Open

Good morning, my lovelies.  

Before I get started, I have to warn you all about something....this whole post may end up being one big long rant.  Not sure... but it's possible.  But, then again, because I chose to have a public blog I have to be very careful what I say - which stinks big, fat, hedgehog balls.  Cause I'm sure they are prickly too, right?

Yesterday was a bad day.  And I'm not happy about it - of course.  So, while I'll try to stick to confessing all of MY sins....it may be very possible that I start outing the sins of certain other people.  

OK, here goes...

I confess that... I'm physically and mentally sick and tired.  Physically - because it's causing headaches, that may end up being a migraine, that will end up making me very upset.  And mentally because I was so happy yesterday morning - and one day can bring the happiness bubble crashing to the ground.

I confess that... I love my job very much, but when I have days like yesterday.... I just want to curl up in bed and not move.  And not go back to work.

I confess that... I'm stuck in a conundrum.  A conundrum - yes, I like that word - about whether or not I should do anything about the problem that has me all worked up.  It's a problem that I knew may arise - being that I chose to put my child in the school that I'm working...I just didn't realize it would happen like this.

I confess that... I hate having to be so cryptic.  I want to shout from the rooftops what's wrong with me - but the professional inside of me is stopping me.  It's telling me that I have to be the bigger person, here, and just let myself vent in ways that will leave you all wondering what the heck is going on.  And I'm sorry about that - but hopefully you all will understand.

I confess that... the "situation" is eating away at me.  As much as I just want to put it to rest, and let bygones be bygones - I can't.  I just keep getting worked up over it every time I think about it.  And I know that I could just stop thinking about it - but I'm having problems doing that, too.  I feel like I've been treated unfairly - and so I want to do something about it.  But then I feel like I jeopardize the possibility of getting a teaching job...and I don't want to do that.

I confess that... I'm hoping that these confessions will help me.  It's not working, yet... but I'm not giving up hope.

I confess that... I just don't understand some people.  I try to put my compassion shoes on and wonder if they make other people miserable because they are miserable.  It's a possibility - but then again, to those people, don't assume that just because you're miserable that everyone else has a life that's all sunshine and roses.  I got problems too - don't assume that I don't.  I try to be fair and understanding - but when a situation involves my child, don't be surprised that I all of a sudden turn off teacher mode and step in to parent mode.  That's what makes me a good mother....and it's also what makes me a good teacher.

I confess that... I'm sick of talking about it.  Wow, I guess the confessions did work.  Of course, you guys still have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about - and I'm sorry - but so it has to be.

Let's talk weight-loss, shall we?  Cause, you know...even that has to be better to talk about...

I confess that... for the past week, I've eaten like crap.  There, I said it.  It's the truth.  I ate way too much on Thanksgiving...and then ate too much the days following, because I wanted all the darn leftovers gone.  I hate wasting food - so instead of wasting, I ate.  Even with Hubby trying to prepare somewhat healthy meals the past couple of days, I've still eaten too much. 

I confess that... despite eating way too much at dinner time, there really hasn't been any snacking or mindless eating throughout the rest of the day.  In fact, Friday I didn't eat anything all day except for dinner.  Which I know is bad, but I was busy doing other things... like laying on the couch.  Saturday, I had grilled ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch - and then a big dinner.  But that was it.  Then on Sunday...well, I ate a ton of popcorn at the movie theater....that was bad.  And then I came home and ate waffles for dinner.  YIKES!!  If only you could see the color of my face right now.  Yes, I'm ashamed... but I can admit my mistakes.

I confess that... I'm loving the fact that the weather has been cold the past couple of days.  It's meant that Hubby has been building a fire in the fireplace the past couple of evenings...and in my opinion, there's just nothing better than curling up on the couch with a fire crackling in the fireplace.  See - that was a good confession, right?

I confess that... I think of myself as a strong person.  Strong willed.  Strong personality.  Strong, period.  And I think of it as a blessing, not a curse.  Sometimes, being a strong person has it's downfalls - like not taking kindly to being bullied - but I have just realized that my strength can also get me through the stupid crap I'm dealing with.

Apparently, I've slipped back into the previous discussion...

I confess that... I sometimes let other people's thoughts of me get me down...and that is weakness.  I shouldn't care what other people think of me - or the misconceptions they have about me.  I will use my strength to get through this dilemma.  I will not let it get me down, anymore.  It may be in my blood to fight to the death for what I believe to be right - but it's also in my blood to be the bigger person.  I can be the bigger person.  I will be.  That is all.

So, it's no mystery that I'm dealing with a problem.  You all got that, right?  I'm pretty sure it's one of those tests I deal with occasionally - a test of my willpower and sanity.  As with other tests, my plan is to ace this one.

It has become second nature to me that when I'm happy and things are just peachy and perfect - that something or someone will come along and try and mess it all up.  In the past, I've been known to head in a downward spiral of problems - because I let that one thing or person get to me.  Maybe this test is the one where I can hold my head up high and scream "NA NE NA NA BOO BOO - YOU'RE NOT GETTING ME DOWN NO MORE!"

If I let this problem eat at me, then everything else will start to crumble.  And I can't let that happen.  So, it stops - right here, right now.  I'm leaving this problem in this blog post... to be forever locked up - and eventually forgotten.

Today is a new day.  Full of new opportunity and chances to overcome.  It is my choice how I make today... I can either let the bad bring me down, or get over it.  I'll go with the latter, thank you very much!

Till next time. ;)
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1 comment:

  1. I know this goes deeper than just one incident -- you've had a lot to deal with in the past year, and this is the "icing on cake," I'm sure.

    Hopefully this is something you can work through with your child's counselor(s) -- I'm sure he (and the family) are still in follow up counseling, yes?


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