Dear...

My dear friend Renee, over at Renee's Ramblings, does this cute blog post each week called "Dear...".  Being that I have writer's block this morning, I decided I would try doing it myself....here goes...

Dear Self...Quit worrying about the Christmas stuff.  You have one more week of work and then you have plenty of time to figure out what you still need to do.

Dear Dog...You are not allowed to eat chocolate.  When are you going to realize this?  I am tired of cleaning up your puke!!  I hide the chocolate for a reason - it is not a challenge to see if you can figure out a way to get to it. 

Dear Snake...I'm tired of having a rat in a cage in my bedroom - you need to eat!!!  It's been 3 months - that's insanity!!!  I know you don't mind sleeping while the rat is burrowing around in the cage - but it's annoying the crap out of me. 

Dear Weather...Make up your freakin' mind!!! I don't mind the cold weather - I just don't like it when it's warm one minute and then it drops 20 degrees in a matter of an hour.  My heater is tired, and can't keep up with you!

Dear Heater...I know you're old, but I don't have the money to replace you right now.  Suck it up!!  My family needs heat when it's 19 degrees outside.  The air you are blowing is luke warm - at best.  I know you can do better than that!!

Dear Jelly...I know you love to run around the house with no clothes on - who doesn't? But when it's 19 degrees outside, you have to put clothes on.  I know you don't think so, but I'm the boss - what I say goes!

Dear Facebook Gamers...I know I used to be an avid gamer - who doesn't love to live in a fantasy world online?  However, I haven't played in over 6 months - so PLEASE stop sending me those requests to send you gifts or to harvest your crops or to vote for you in a fashion show or to clean your fish tanks.  I haven't responded in 6 months - isn't it time to take a hint?

Dear people that shop at Wal-Mart:  It's the holiday season, which mean Wal-Mart is busy.  I think it's great that you bump into your friends and family while shopping, however if you insist on catching up - please move OUT of the main aisle to do so.  When you see five people lined up behind you in both directions it means YOU are blocking the aisle and we can't get through.  Oh, and the worst thing you can do is laugh and say "I think we're causing a traffic jam" to your friend - that will just piss us people waiting off even more.

Dear driver of the gray minivan that insisted on riding my butt all the way to town yesterday...If you hadn't noticed, we were on two lane highway - meaning you could of gone around me.  I am not going to move.  If you're in a hurry - YOU MOVE!!  One day, you're going to get behind me when I don't have kids in the car and I'm going to hit my brakes. 

Dear Mac or Microsoft...When are you going to come out with a computer that will type my thoughts? You would make my life a lot easier.  Trying to type papers for school is hard, sometimes I just can't find the right words - even though I know what I want to say.  You could help with this problem.  You can send my check for the great idea whenever you get a second.

Dear Money Tree...I know it's Winter, but it's the month I need you to bloom the most.  I know I have a brown thumb, but I need you to pull through this.  I really don't like it when you look all bare, brown, and dried up.

Lastly...

Dear Blog Readers...Thank you for putting up with my rants, pointless posts, never-ending whines, and attempts of humor.  I know there are far more worthy blogs out there that you could be reading - but you choose to read mine.  I'm not sure whether to thank you or feel sorry for you.  Once Mac or Microsoft comes out with the computer I suggested and my money tree blooms enough for me to buy it - maybe then I can give you some material you'll actually enjoy reading.  Until then, thank you for the support.  Not to ask too much, but a comment every once in a while would be nice - just to let me know that it's not Spam Bots that are getting their daily dose of crap from my blog every day.  :)

Till next time.  ;)