Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Hello Mother, Hello Father

This morning, as I sat down here at my desk - like I always do - I got this weird, unusual feeling in my stomach.  Gas? Urm, no - but thanks for asking.  It's a feeling I haven't had in many, many years.  It's kind of hard to explain, really.  The best way I could describe it is the feeling a small child gets when they go off to camp - not really homesick, but missing Mom and Dad.

I realized this morning, that the last time I saw my parents was on October 9th, for my sister's birthday dinner.  It's been over 3 weeks since I've seen them.  What's even worse is the fact that in those three weeks, I've only spoken to my mom twice on the phone.

Now, that may not sound like a big deal to some people - but to me: it is.  For as long as I can remember, I spoke to my mom every single day on the phone.  I visited them at least every other weekend.  During the summer, I was at their house just as much as I was at my own.  Looking at the calendar, now, and realizing that since school started I've seen them about three times - and spoken to my mom once every couple of weeks, is like a swift punch in the gut.

I've always been very close to my parents - even more so since myself and my siblings have grown up and moved on with our lives.  I'm the oldest of six children.  My parents still have two children that live at home.  The rest of us are all grown, all but one have kids.  My brothers live hours away - and my mom receives a phone call from them occasionally.  My sister lives the closest to my mom - but she's...urm...well, a handful - and my mom prefers to only visit when it's a necessity...like when my sister needs something (about once every couple of weeks). 

Despite being in college the past three years, working most of that time, and raising three kids - I've ALWAYS had time for my parents.  That is, of course, until August - when my student teaching started.  My mom knows that I'm very busy, and she has been extremely supportive through the experience thus far, but now I'm sitting here missing her - missing them...both of my parents.  I really feel like a child - but I've never been able to go this long without at least talking to my mom on the phone.

When I moved to Texas, way back when, the main thing that brought me home was the fact that I missed my parents too much.  I just couldn't stand being a 12 hour car ride away.  I called my mom every single day while I was there - and we would talk for at least an hour.  Yes, every single day, I could find enough stuff to talk to my mom about for an hour!!   I'm almost an hour drive away now - but it's a drive I very willingly took on most weekends.  The two phone conversations I've had with my mom the past two weeks have not been the usual phone calls.  The first one was an hour long - a good "catch-up" talk.  The second was a quick 10 minute call - an inquiry about something going on. 

My mom finally broke down and got texting a few months back - and now she feels the need to text me before she calls - just to see if I'm not too busy to talk.  That didn't bother me when she did it - but now, as I sit here, I think how horrible that must be for her.  Who wants to text their child before calling to see if she has enough time to break away from her hectic life for a 5 minute phone conversation?

So, as I sit in my house, drinking my coffee, and preparing myself for the day - I feel homesick.  Yes, I'm home..my home..but I miss my parents.  I don't like being too busy for them.  I liked being the one child that is never too busy to visit, never too busy for a phone call...always connected.  My younger siblings are also feeling the wrath of my life.  My teenage siblings used to stay at my house quite a bit.  Now, my brother texts me almost every night - but almost every night, I've told him that I have work to do and I really don't have time to talk....HOW HORRIBLE IS  THAT??  I couldn't even begin to tell you what's going on in my youngest sister's life - because I haven't taken a single second to reach out.  We used to text each other - quite frequently - but the last text I received from her was October 9th - the same day as her birthday dinner.

I don't like being that way.  I'm not going to be like my brothers - who think that a couple of phone calls a year are sufficient in regards to "staying in touch".  I don't want my mom to think that she's bothering me if she calls.  I don't want my brother thinking that I'm too busy to hear about his day.  So, today is the day to change that.  This weekend, I don't care how busy I am - I'm going to see my parents.  Today, I'm going to call my mom.  Maybe the nasty feeling in my stomach will start to disappear. 

"I literally owe my life to my parents.  I love them with all my heart.  Taking the time to show that - no matter how small the gesture - is time well spent."

Till next time.  ;)

1 comment:

  1. Hi there I'm a new single mom and I know it will be hard for me a long the way so I am browsing the web for some good blogs and I find your blog very interesting and helpful to be a good mother. Bookmarking your blog now. Thanks!


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