Yesterday, I started reading a new book...a book I wanted to read. Yes, folks, I found time to open a book and begin reading for enjoyment. A luxury I haven't had in way too long. I wanted to read this book because I had been told by several people that it would be a great book for me because of "my situation". By that I assumed they were referring to my crazy life, my hectic schedule, and all of the stress I've been under lately.
So, while in Little Rock, I found the book at a cheap bookstore and bought it. I didn't really think I would get to read it any time soon - but something came over me yesterday to be a little rebellious. I had this urge to forget about the mountain of homework that still waits for me and just take a little time to enjoy some reading. That's exactly what I did.
I opened the book and began reading. Within two pages, I was swept up in being the main character. I could see her pain, feel her frustrations, and related with her in more ways than I imagined. When I stopped reading, I couldn't shake her. I didn't immediately come back to my world - I kept her in my mind. I went about having dinner and taking care of a few things that I had planned on doing. After all of that was over with, I went back to the book.
Again, as I read I felt her words - envied her visions, her inspirations, her devotion to take risks and think about herself - for once. It was then that I began to realize why I had so much trouble disconnecting from the book after reading it - I wanted to be like that. I wanted to throw away all of the stresses, the schedules, the frustrations - and just think about me, find a way to discover and connect with a side of myself that has been lost for a while now.
I then stopped reading, found a journal that had never been opened and a pen, and I began to write. Words flowed from me faster than I could write them. I started a journal, of sorts. What I was writing was different than what I discuss here - it was somehow more meaningful...not that my blog isn't meaningful - it's just very hard to describe.
After only 15 minutes, I had filled about 5 pages. I had made the decision as I was writing that I am now going on my own journey - a new journey. I'm not leaving the country, or my home. I'm going on a journey within - a soul searching journey, if you will. A journey filled with enjoyment, goals, purpose. Gone are the "to-do" lists that I prepare each and every day. In their place I will be creating little goals for me to accomplish now, bigger goals to accomplish over time. If you're thinking that I'm just creating a fancy new name for the "to-do" list - then you're wrong. The horrid "to-do" list has anywhere from 10-30 items on it at all times. Clean, laundry, grocery shopping, lesson plans, reflections, homework....on and on it goes. As soon as something is checked off, I find another to take it's place. My goals list is different because I chose just 2-3 things that are important for me each day. Yesterday's goals were: condense Jelly's toys ready for Christmas; play a game with the kids; start reading a book for enjoyment. That was it, that was the list...and I accomplished everything. It felt great - and I feel great.
So, after this EXTREMELY long post, the point is I am now working on becoming a new person. This all plays hand in hand with what Denise Brennan-Nelson told me in Little Rock, and the book just seemed to be a sign of how to get the wheels in motion. I want to discover a way to handle everything that life throws at me - but always focus on the things that are important. It will take time - something that I believe to always have too little of -but I want this, I need this. I will succeed!
"If bumblebees can fly when they're not supposed to, imagine what could happen if we didn't let fear and doubt get in our way."Denise Brennan-Nelson
Till next time. ;)
P.S. If you're wondering what the book is - it's Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. A book I never thought would have such an impact on my life - and I'm only 1/4 of the way into the book.