Sunday, November 21, 2010

A New Journey or Just a Fantasy World?

When I read a book, I get totally and completely lost and memorized in it.  OK, let me start that one again - because that's not true.  When I read a good book, one that I have chosen to read for enjoyment, relaxation, and is generally for adults that's when I get totally and completely lost and memorized.  As I read through the pages, I become the main character or an on-looker watching all of the drama unfold before my eyes.  Once the book or my time reading a few chapters is over, I come back to my world, my reality, and life goes on.

Yesterday, I started reading a new book...a book I wanted to read.  Yes, folks, I found time to open a book and begin reading for enjoyment.  A luxury I haven't had in way too long.  I wanted to read this book because I had been told by several people that it would be a great book for me because of "my situation".  By that I assumed they were referring to my crazy life, my hectic schedule, and all of the stress I've been under lately. 

So, while in Little Rock, I found the book at a cheap bookstore and bought it.  I didn't really think I would get to read it any time soon - but something came over me yesterday to be a little rebellious.  I had this urge to forget about the mountain of homework that still waits for me and just take a little time to enjoy some reading.  That's exactly what I did.

I opened the book and began reading.  Within two pages, I was swept up in being the main character.  I could see her pain, feel her frustrations, and related with her in more ways than I imagined.  When I stopped reading, I couldn't shake her.  I didn't immediately come back to my world - I kept her in my mind.  I went about having dinner and taking care of a few things that I had planned on doing.  After all of that was over with, I went back to the book. 

Again, as I read I felt her words - envied her visions, her inspirations, her devotion to take risks and think about herself - for once.  It was then that I began to realize why I had so much trouble disconnecting from the book after reading it - I wanted to be like that.  I wanted to throw away all of the stresses, the schedules, the frustrations - and just think about me, find a way to discover and connect with a side of myself that has been lost for a while now. 

I then stopped reading, found a journal that had never been opened and a pen, and I began to write.  Words flowed from me faster than I could write them.  I started a journal, of sorts.  What I was writing was different than what I discuss here - it was somehow more meaningful...not that my blog isn't meaningful - it's just very hard to describe.

After only 15 minutes, I had filled about 5 pages.  I had made the decision as I was writing that I am now going on my own journey - a new journey.  I'm not leaving the country, or my home. I'm going on a journey within - a soul searching journey, if you will. A journey filled with enjoyment, goals, purpose.  Gone are the "to-do" lists that I prepare each and every day.  In their place I will be creating little goals for me to accomplish now, bigger goals to accomplish over time.  If you're thinking that I'm just creating a fancy new name for the "to-do" list - then you're wrong.  The horrid "to-do" list has anywhere from 10-30 items on it at all times.  Clean, laundry, grocery shopping, lesson plans, reflections, homework....on and on it goes.  As soon as something is checked off, I find another to take it's place.  My goals list is different because I chose just 2-3 things that are important for me each day.  Yesterday's goals were:  condense Jelly's toys ready for Christmas; play a game with the kids; start reading a book for enjoyment.  That was it, that was the list...and I accomplished everything.  It felt great - and I feel great.

So, after this EXTREMELY long post, the point is I am now working on becoming a new person.  This all plays hand in hand with what Denise Brennan-Nelson told me in Little Rock, and the book just seemed to be a sign of how to get the wheels in motion.  I want to discover a way to handle everything that life throws at me - but always focus on the things that are important.  It will take time - something that I believe to always have too little of -but I want this, I need this.  I will succeed! 

 "If bumblebees can fly when they're not supposed to, imagine what could happen if we didn't let fear and doubt get in our way."
                                                                                                   Denise Brennan-Nelson

Till next time.  ;)

P.S.  If you're wondering what the book is - it's Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  A book I never thought would have such an impact on my life - and I'm only 1/4 of the way into the book.

1 comment:

  1. You say you have so little time to do the few things, but just think of all the time you'll save by trying to figure out what few things on the big to-do list you can fit into your day..

    By just having 2 or 3 things, you won't have to waste time picking and choosing.. and therefore able to do more important things.. like reading for enjoyment.. :)

    I've been hearing all sorts of things about that book, I may have to go buy it.. :)


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