A New Journey or Just a Fantasy World?

When I read a book, I get totally and completely lost and memorized in it.  OK, let me start that one again - because that's not true.  When I read a good book, one that I have chosen to read for enjoyment, relaxation, and is generally for adults that's when I get totally and completely lost and memorized.  As I read through the pages, I become the main character or an on-looker watching all of the drama unfold before my eyes.  Once the book or my time reading a few chapters is over, I come back to my world, my reality, and life goes on.

Yesterday, I started reading a new book...a book I wanted to read.  Yes, folks, I found time to open a book and begin reading for enjoyment.  A luxury I haven't had in way too long.  I wanted to read this book because I had been told by several people that it would be a great book for me because of "my situation".  By that I assumed they were referring to my crazy life, my hectic schedule, and all of the stress I've been under lately. 

So, while in Little Rock, I found the book at a cheap bookstore and bought it.  I didn't really think I would get to read it any time soon - but something came over me yesterday to be a little rebellious.  I had this urge to forget about the mountain of homework that still waits for me and just take a little time to enjoy some reading.  That's exactly what I did.

I opened the book and began reading.  Within two pages, I was swept up in being the main character.  I could see her pain, feel her frustrations, and related with her in more ways than I imagined.  When I stopped reading, I couldn't shake her.  I didn't immediately come back to my world - I kept her in my mind.  I went about having dinner and taking care of a few things that I had planned on doing.  After all of that was over with, I went back to the book. 

Again, as I read I felt her words - envied her visions, her inspirations, her devotion to take risks and think about herself - for once.  It was then that I began to realize why I had so much trouble disconnecting from the book after reading it - I wanted to be like that.  I wanted to throw away all of the stresses, the schedules, the frustrations - and just think about me, find a way to discover and connect with a side of myself that has been lost for a while now. 

I then stopped reading, found a journal that had never been opened and a pen, and I began to write.  Words flowed from me faster than I could write them.  I started a journal, of sorts.  What I was writing was different than what I discuss here - it was somehow more meaningful...not that my blog isn't meaningful - it's just very hard to describe.

After only 15 minutes, I had filled about 5 pages.  I had made the decision as I was writing that I am now going on my own journey - a new journey.  I'm not leaving the country, or my home. I'm going on a journey within - a soul searching journey, if you will. A journey filled with enjoyment, goals, purpose.  Gone are the "to-do" lists that I prepare each and every day.  In their place I will be creating little goals for me to accomplish now, bigger goals to accomplish over time.  If you're thinking that I'm just creating a fancy new name for the "to-do" list - then you're wrong.  The horrid "to-do" list has anywhere from 10-30 items on it at all times.  Clean, laundry, grocery shopping, lesson plans, reflections, homework....on and on it goes.  As soon as something is checked off, I find another to take it's place.  My goals list is different because I chose just 2-3 things that are important for me each day.  Yesterday's goals were:  condense Jelly's toys ready for Christmas; play a game with the kids; start reading a book for enjoyment.  That was it, that was the list...and I accomplished everything.  It felt great - and I feel great.

So, after this EXTREMELY long post, the point is I am now working on becoming a new person.  This all plays hand in hand with what Denise Brennan-Nelson told me in Little Rock, and the book just seemed to be a sign of how to get the wheels in motion.  I want to discover a way to handle everything that life throws at me - but always focus on the things that are important.  It will take time - something that I believe to always have too little of -but I want this, I need this.  I will succeed! 

PNOTD:

 "If bumblebees can fly when they're not supposed to, imagine what could happen if we didn't let fear and doubt get in our way."

                                                                                                   Denise Brennan-Nelson

Till next time.  ;)

P.S.  If you're wondering what the book is - it's Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  A book I never thought would have such an impact on my life - and I'm only 1/4 of the way into the book.