Tuesday, October 12, 2010

2000 - Part 2

A week ago, for Back in Time Tuesday, I started the story that explains how I got to be as heavy as I was.  It's a long, long story - so rather than try to summarize it all...I decided to break it up into several installments.

Today is Part 2.  I left off last week with the birth of my dear, Prairie Dawn

Things were good between Fabio and I for about a week after Prairie was born.  We had moved into a bigger house and was living with Saving Grace and MIL.  Saving Grace gave birth to her daughter in May.  Fabio was having a hard time holding down a job - but then again, when wasn't he?  With two newborns in the house, saying money was tight was an understatement.  Fabio acted like a father when he wanted to be one, but the majority of the time - Saving Grace and I did what we could to be there for each other.

Fast forward four months later.  Things were not good between Fabio and I.  The drugs bothered me.  I had a newborn, no money, and was tired of the constant fighting.  Then, I got some news that was somewhat of a blow - I was pregnant again.  I wasn't exactly thrilled or excited - I was down right scared out of my mind. Fabio and I decided it to get our own place - to see if it would fix things between us...it didn't.  He cheated on me and then decided to leave me for the girl.  There I was, single with no money a four month old, and pregnant with my second child.  Things got pretty nasty between Saving Grace and I there for a while, and I had no alternative but to call on my mom for help.  I moved in with her for a while. 

The details after are a little sketchy.  I was so depressed, my life at that point was more of a blur.  Due to my financial problems, and my mom having a hard time supporting me and Prairie, we decided it would be best for me to go to a woman's shelter.  The shelter offered support, help with finding a job, and getting a house.  I stayed in the shelter for a couple of months, got myself a good job, and ended up with a little cheap trailer to live in.  Shortly after moving in to my new place, I ended up getting back with Fabio.  He moved in with me - and I thought being that we lived so far away from his old life that things might be different.  It was good for about 2 minutes.  I would go to work all day, come home to a filthy house - he laid on the couch all day.  I had to put Prairie Dawn in daycare because, well, he wouldn't take care of her.  As pregnancy number 2 got near it's end, I was absolutely miserable. I was eating to calm my nerves, eating to calm my depression, and eating to eat.  Things were bad.  A few days before Grover came into the world, the broken relationship between Saving Grace and I was repaired...and thank goodness.  She showed up at my house and couldn't believe her eyes.  Here I was 9 months pregnant, with a baby only 11 months old, house in disarray, and her lazy brother who did nothing but play video games all day.  She couldn't believe her eyes.  She swung into full gear and finally gave me a little support - something I was long overdue for. 

She stayed at my house with Prairie Dawn while MIL and Fabio came with me to the hospital for the birth of my sweet Grover.  As Grover was handed to Fabio, I saw something I hadn't seen in Fabio through our entire relationship - emotion.  He cried that day.  He was happy.  He was supportive.  I thought maybe, just maybe things would be different.  After I got home from the hospital, he told me that he wasn't happy living where we were - and wanted to go back to living by his family.  I couldn't disagree.  I missed having Saving Grace around - she was literally my saving grace.  So, a few days later, we packed up as much stuff as we could - and moved back in with Saving Grace.  Again, I thought things would be better.  Fabio would finally straighten up and take some responsibility in raising our children.  My life would finally be better.  Well, I was young, naive, and most of all - desperate to feel that there had to be some happiness in my life.  Unfortunately, my desperation wasn't enough.

Not even a month later, Fabio was back on the drugs.  He was back to disappearing for hours, sometimes days on end. He said he was working, but could never provide any fruit from his labor.  I decided as long as I had Saving Grace and MIL to help me - I would just ignore him.  I went back to work - working full time at a nursing home. Fabio was there one day, gone the next.  I was so tired of his behavior, tired of the way he treated me.  One night he showed up, messed up as usual, and wanted to take my car.   For the first time, ever, I stood up to him.  I had been working my a** off to pay for it - why should he just waltz in and take it?  Well, that was the first time he laid his hands on me.  I had never see him get so mad - furious would be a better word.  As I tried to hold back the keys, he went for my throat.  Thank goodness I wasn't alone that night - or who knows what would of happened.  Luckily for me, Saving Grace had been dating a guy for a while - and he just happened to be spending the night.  I didn't know what to do but to scream his name - as loud as I could.  It didn't stop Fabio - he was on top of me, trying to get the keys to the car...and I believe he would of choked me to accomplish it.  A split second later, I remember Fabio being torn off of me like a piece of Velcro.  He flew across the room - and as I looked up I saw Prairie Dawn crying in her crib looking at me.  Then, the blur of what was going on came back into focus and standing before me was the man that had come to my rescue - who shall now be known as Lone Ranger.  He wasted no time 'ejecting' Fabio from the house. 

Things after that were definitely different, for a little while anyways.  Tune in next week to hear all about it.

"The bad decisions we make in life do not make us weaker, as long as we know to learn from them.  I am who I am today because of how I took charge of my life - and learned from my mistakes."

Till next time. ;)


  1. Wow, to hear this and see how far you've come with your education, your parenting, and your weight loss. It's an inspiration!

  2. Thank you. I'm a firm believer in using my past as a life lesson, and doing what I can to learn from it.


Tell me what's on your mind - I love to hear from you!