Sunday, October 24, 2010

Babies, Toddlers, and Teenagers

Yesterday was a startling day for me.  I tested the waters to my statement "I'm done having kids".  I stated those words after my second child.  I had a boy and a girl - I was good.  Being in the relationship I was in, the adult life I'd had, and other factors like oh, getting no sleep, I was adamant that I was done. 

Then I met Hubby.  Before our relationship got "heavy", he told me that he didn't want kids.  He was thrilled that I already had two children - and loved the idea of a ready-made family.  He had never seen himself as the father type, so he wanted me to be aware that things wouldn't work out between us if I wanted more kids.  Well, when he told me that, I was in agreement with him. 

About a year into our relationship, I started getting "the itch".  You know, ladies, that twisting, scratching feeling you feel in the pit of your stomach every time you go to a baby shower, see a pregnant woman, or get to hold a newborn in your arms.  You watch a show on TV that has a woman giving birth, and you get all misty eyed.  You walk past the baby section in any department store and "ooh" and "aah" over the cute, adorable, little onesies and socks.  Well, that started with me.  I didn't dare share my feelings with Hubby, because I didn't want to scare him.  I thought my itch would pass, and I would just get over it. 

Then, I was having some "woman problems".  I had to go and see a gyno and I heard the words that sent an unprepared shock wave through my system: "Ms. Hill, it's very likely that you won't be able to have any more children".  The reasons were due to some cysts I had on my ovaries, and some nasty side effects from being on the Depo shot since Grover was born.  Aunt Flo hadn't visited me in almost 4 years - and the doctor thought it was very likely that I wouldn't see her again, and if I did she wouldn't be in full force.  The news was devastating to me - even though I had decided I didn't want any more kids.  To  try and fix some of the issues, the doctor took me completely off of birth control.  For another year, no Aunt Flo.  I started to feel OK about not being able to have any more kids.  Hubby and I discussed me going to school to get my teaching degree and how I could finally do what I've always wanted to do: teach.  I will never forget the day we discussed it.  We were sitting having breakfast in a restaurant.  I told Hubby that just to be sure, I was going to go back and see the doc about getting on the pill - or some other form of birth control - just in case.  The minute I said those words, I got a warm sensation in my stomach - and I knew it wasn't the food I had been eating.

The next day, I made an appointment at the doctor.  On my way to work, I received a phone call from Saving Grace.  She was calling to tell me that she was pregnant.  As soon as I heard her tell me that, an adrenaline surge took over my body.  My whole body came to life - I knew that I was pregnant.  I can't explain why I knew, or how.  Saving Grace and I have 3 children.  Her second and my first were born only a few weeks apart.  Her oldest looks just like my oldest.  Her second child looks just like Grover.  I knew that I was going to have another baby - because she was having another baby.  Before going in to work, I stopped at Wal-Mart and picked up a pregnancy test.  I have to point out here that Aunt Flo still hadn't come to visit - I just had this inkling that I was pregnant.  No guessing dates, no figuring it out - I just knew.  Sure enough, when I took the test, there were the two lines that I knew that I would see.  I took the rest of the day off work, and decided to go home and face Hubby. 

His reaction wasn't what I expected.  No, he didn't jump up and down with excitement - but he didn't get all upset and leave, either.  He just said "OK", and that was the end of it.  Eight months later, my amazing Zoe was born.  To see Hubby and Zoe, now, you'd never think that he didn't want kids.  She is definitely a daddy's girl. 

Oh my, I've rambled on and on - and my point of my story hasn't even started.  Getting back to what I was going to talk about.  Yesterday, I went to a baby shower.  The beautiful mother-to-be walked around, and not once did I get "the itch".  As I watched her open her gifts, not once did I think "oh, I miss that so much".  I finally feel like I'm done!!  I have a toddler who I adore, but sometimes trying to get stuff done can be very difficult.  She wants attention, I have to give it to her.  Thinking about having another baby after dealing with this - yeah, not gonna happen.  Then I have my older two.  Prairie Dawn is 10 going on 17.  She's already a teenager, despite her age.  She's dramatic, into boys, wants to "hang out" with her friends...yikes.  Grover is my middle child - and he's right in the middle of Zoe and Prairie Dawn.  He enjoys playing outside, building things, playing with toys.  So - I have a toddler, and pre-teen, and a teenager...what more could I ask for?  I can now say, I believe, that I'm completely done having children.  Point of this very long winded blog. 

"I no longer wish for what I don't have, I appreciate everything I already have.  My life is perfect."
Till next time.  ;)

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