I broke my biggest rule - to NEVER let the scale determine my progress.
It's a hard rule to stick to, especially when - at the end of the day - it's the scale that informs me of how much weight I've actually lost.
Yesterday, I was starting to feel a little better... but still not completely satisfied with the number that appeared before me after stepping on the scale. The math didn't add up. I was frustrated, despite trying my best to hide it.
I decided that I needed to take my mind off of things for a while - and took my dog to the groomers. Once I dropped her off, I found out that it was going to be at least 2 hours before she would be finished. I called Hubby and told him that I was going to amuse myself in Wal-Mart for a couple of hours.
My Hubby then surprised me and told me that he wanted me to go and pick him up - he was going to come out with me.
Now, I don't know if a warning signal went off in his brain or if he had already made the plans in his mind - but he did NOT want me roaming around Wal-Mart by myself.....maybe fearing a possibility that I'd steer off to the junk food aisle??
He knows how I've been feeling lately about the whole weight loss thing. He has told me everything that all of you have told me - but he knows me better than anyone. He knows my triggers. He knows the impact that my moods can have on my eating habits. He's supported me 110% through this entire process...eating food he's not particularly fond of, helping me create meal plans, cooking the meal plans, and mentally thinking about foods that he brings in to the house. Yes, he's amazing. No, you can't have him.
So, I went and picked up Hubby and asked where we were heading. His response? The Mall.
I will admit, I was a little disheartened. He knows that the mall is the one place that I DON'T need to be when I'm in one of my "moods". I hate walking around the stores that sell the cute clothes that I can't fit into... if anything, I feared it would make my feelings worse. I let him drive, not saying a word.
We arrived at Rue 21. I was at the store a few days ago. I bought a cute pair of capris a size too small to use as my "motivation pants". It was the biggest size pant that they sold - and I was excited that I was only one size away from being able to wear their clothes.
We walked around the store and I saw a dress that I thought was really cute - and it was on sale. Hubby liked it, too, and told me that I should get it. I told him that I didn't really want to get too many items that didn't fit. He told me that I could just add it as another "incentive" item. Feeling a little pressured, and not wanting to go on a rampage of how crappy I was feeling with my progress...I let him buy the dress for me.
We then moseyed around a few other stores. I found another really cute dress - again, Hubby told me to get it. I went through the same struggle - but he bought it anyway.
I should add here that Hubby really likes it when I wear dresses...or any girly clothes for that matter. Before losing weight, I was a tomboy. My wardrobe consisted of baggy sweats and baggy t-shirts. I often wore a ball cap to complete my ensemble. Last summer, after finally making it in to a size 18, I found a couple of dresses that I liked - and weren't too tight - and he really grew to love seeing the new feminine me.
The last stop on our journey, I found a couple pairs of size 16 capris. I really didn't mind getting those - being that I'm in a size 16 right now and don't really have any summer clothes in that size. He bought them for me, too.
Once we got home, dog all clean and groomed, he asked me to try on my dresses. I must of shot him a look that can only be described as PSYCHO WOMAN. It was at that very moment, he looked me in the eyes and said...
"You really have no idea how much weight you've lost, do you? I don't give a crap what that stupid scale says. You look AMAZING. You have worked so hard, and you're not giving yourself enough credit. Just try on the damn dresses. OK, so they might be a little too tight right now - but you WILL get in to them. I want you to see how close you really are to getting there."
Totally speechless, I got out the dress from Rue 21. I pulled it over my head. A little snug around the top half...but HOLY CRAP it FIT!! Not only did it fit, but I actually felt pretty good in it. I rushed to the second dress. I pulled it over my head in a crazy fury. Not only did that dress fit - but I had to tighten the straps!!!
Fighting back the tears that were making their way to my eyes - I looked at Hubby. He had just five words "See, I told you so". He gave me a smile, and at that very moment all of my frustration and anger disappeared.
He was right. I have told myself a million times that the scale doesn't show me how much progress I've made. Something as simple as trying on a dress that I would never in a million years thought would fit me - and finding out it fits....that's progress. Knowing that for ten years, I could only walk around the mall and dream of ever fitting in to the cute clothes that I saw...and now knowing that I CAN buy clothes there...that's progress.
I have come a very long way. Yeah, I've still got a ways to go....but I'm getting there...regardless of what the stupid scale says.
It just took Super Hubby to really show me.
Now, I am more determined than ever to keep fighting this fight. As much as I didn't want to - I did step on the scale this morning. You know what I saw? 213lbs!! That's 1.6lbs down from yesterday. My trainer was right...this week I was riding up that roller coaster hill of gain because of my hard work - and I'm now getting to see and feel the excitement of rushing down the other side. I have to keep this ride going...I know I can do this.
Hold on to your hats, folks, this ride is about to get INTENSE!!
Till next time. ;)
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