For ten years, I've looked in the mirror and disliked the woman looking back at me.
She was fat. She was unhealthy. She was sad.
I would stand and look at her, amazed. Who was this woman? I don't remember ever inviting her in to my mirror. I don't recall ever being happy she arrived. I wanted her gone.
Looking in the mirror was like a kid getting a new tub of Play-Doh. I could grab handfuls of stomach. I pushed and prodded. I squeezed and shaped. There were days I wished I could just cut it all off with a pair of scissors - make all that fat just go away.
Today, the woman looking back at me is different.
This morning, I stood and was amazed at the differences she's made. Sure, there's still some fat to play with - but it's definitely obvious that a lot of the Play-Doh is gone.
I stood and faced the woman. She's not as wide.
The clothes that she put on this morning show some form of waistline.
What's that? Are those collarbones that I see under the place her chest met her face without any distinction between the two?
For months I've been losing weight. For months, I've felt the changes take place. I've lost inches, I've moved down in dress size - but regardless of the change, I still saw the same woman looking back at me.
After 20lbs gone, after 50lbs gone - I still saw her....she didn't want to leave.
No matter how many compliments I received. No matter how many others saw a different woman looking at them - she was still there when I looked in the mirror.
I can't tell you why she's gone this morning. I can't tell you what made this new version appear. Maybe it was the progress pics I took yesterday. Maybe I had to see the comparison in picture form. Whatever it was - it made that fat, unhappy woman disappear.
I took another photo of myself this morning. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to document seeing this new woman - I wanted a reminder that I saw her! She's different, I like her....I don't want her to stay for long - but I'd much rather have her than the old me.
So, today, I leave you with the pictures that I forced myself to look at yesterday - and the pictures I took today. Join me in welcoming NEW ME. She's dedicated. She's motivated. She's happy with the changes - but is eager for more. She's going to help me reach my goals - she's already accomplished a lot.
Say goodbye to old me:
When I started this journey - I weighed close to 300lbs. I was dishonest with myself when I started - I couldn't face sharing the number that appeared on the scale. Even now, I had to say "close to 300lbs" when reality - the number was 297lbs. Today is the first time I've revealed that actual number. When I started this blog - I was in denial. 265lbs was a nicer number - more manageable. I was lying to myself - and I've lived with that lie for too long.
It was stupid lying about the number - because I was denying myself of this moment. A moment I didn't think would come. The moment I could say that I've lost 82lbs!!!! Because of my lie, I have been celebrating a false number - sure losing 51lbs is good....but now that I know I've lost so much more than that I want to scream it from the rooftops. I'VE LOST 82LBS!!
I am so proud of that - I want to see it every day. That starts with changing my ticker. I started over this year, because I hated knowing that I had shared a number with you all that wasn't the actual number - and that disappointed me. Today, I can proudly show the accomplishments I've made....
Till next time :)