Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Whatever's on My Mind

These past couple of weeks, I've been so stressed, tired, and mentally drained - it's been really hard to come up with topics for my blog.  So, today - you're getting a declutter of my mind.  An explosion of thoughts and feelings - not planned, not prepared....just whatever's on my mind.

A month ago, I was promising that I wouldn't let school work get in the way of my work-out and healthy eating dedication.  I'm trying.  It's hard.  When I'm going to bed late and getting up at 2:30am just to find the hours to fit in more homework - there's a good chance that I'm going to have to miss a work-out here and there.

I'm not happy about it.

I took the time to run both Saturday and Sunday - and I'm proud of the progress I made.  I went to the gym yesterday - but I was so exhausted from the weekend....I didn't exactly give my work-out a 110%...more like 75%.

I can say that I've been drinking a TON of water the past couple of days.  Almost 2 gallons to be exact.  I'm trying something new - ionized water.  There's a parent at my internship school that gives away bottles of ionized water...and I figured I'd try it out.

Well, she dropped me off two gallons yesterday, after I downed 1/2 gallon of my mentor's water...and I have less than 1/2 gallon left of the two I was given. 

I'm not really sold on the hype that surrounds ionized water - but it is convenient to have a water delivery every couple of days to keep in my classroom.  And I will say that I can't stop drinking it.  For some reason it makes me thirsty when I drink it...and I want more...and more...and more.  Also, I get a strange feeling after drinking it....it's kind of hard to describe.  Think caffeine jitters and goosebumps.  I'm not sure what to make of it, but it's helping me keep my water goal of drinking 60-80ozs a day.

I did finally finish my senior project - at 5am this morning.  It's only taken me 2 weeks to complete...but now I'm done.  Even though the 47 pages of reflections and analysis are complete - I now have to make a 13 minute presentation to share with my fellow seniors next Wednesday.  Making presentations are pretty easy for me - I can work PowerPoint pretty well....but the fact that I'm supposed to have it mostly completed by tomorrow is a different story.  I'm thinking that's not going to happen...but we'll see what I can do in the next two hours before heading off to bed.

Right now, my head is spinning in a million different directions - but I'm sure of one thing...I have to make it work.  I've been seeing great progress over the past couple of weeks, and I don't want to lose the momentum.  I'm used to this kind of stress.  I'm used to this kind of pressure.  Being able to work through it and still keep my mind focused on my weight loss is the challenge.  It's something I'm working on the best that I can. 

I accept the fact that there will be days where I can't make it to the gym - opting to go for a run to save time is just as good.  I am not failing as long as I make accommodations.

There may be days where I work for so many hours that I am too tired to work out.  Getting some rest is not failing.  It's preparing my body to do the best it can the next day - when the fight is back in me.

I know that there are going to be days when it's easier or more convenient to grab food without weighing the consequences that "fast food" may bring.  I know that I am strong enough to get through those days because I plan and prepare.  Taking five minutes to pack food for the day is worth it.

My scale doesn't represent my progress.  I'm guilty of stepping on the scale each day - and often shocked by the number I see.  I know I'm working as hard as I can, right now.  I know I'm maintaining my calorie deficit.  I know my clothes are fitting better and are getting looser. 

I know that after next week, the pressure and stress of homework will be gone.  It will be replaced with the stress of trying to find a job....but that kind of stress won't take tedious amounts of hours from my day.  I will be able to use the stress to my advantage....going to the gym or the track to clear my mind and help me destress.

In a few short weeks I will be *hopefully* attending interviews.  I plan on going in to those interviews proud of the accomplishments I've made.  I am becoming  a new person.  I am a new person.  I am a person that is 82lbs lighter.  I am fitter.  I am stronger.  I am more determined than ever to finish my journey - and walk in to my new classroom a lean, mean, teaching machine.

OK - I've finished my brain vomit....I feel much better. 

Time for some much needed sleep.

Till next time. ;)
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1 comment:

  1. wow Joanna...your brain was overflowing but in a good way. I am in awe of how you do everything and still keep going. You are such an inspiration to me and reading your blog gives me that extra push just when I need it. My mind reminds me of what I read here and makes me stop and think about what I'm doing or not doing! So thanks for being my partner in the Spring in 2 Action Challenge! Generation Determination is a team to be reckoned with!


Tell me what's on your mind - I love to hear from you!